Broke Boyfriend

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
3787 posts
Honey bee

I agree, call 911. Any threats of suicide, including ones you think are just made to elicit emotion in others , should be taken seriously. There’s always the potential for credibility. He may change his mind when the paramedics show up to take him to the psych ward.

Drop him like he’s hot.

Post # 17
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

sassy411 :  I actually have quite a bit of experiene in this field, as I work in health care, and have worked several years in mental health. 

I do realize there are exceptions to this and true cries for help. In OP’s situation, it is being used as an abusive tactic to coerce and manipulate. She should not put his own threats before her own mental health. I’ve worked with families who have run themselves ragged trying to prevent their family member from commiting suicide when therapy later proved that it is was only being used as a scare tactic for either attention, meanness, or to get their way.

Post # 18
Member
7462 posts
Busy Beekeeper

kellybride09 :  if you work in mental health you should realize that opinining what OP’s boyfriend is likely to do based on a short internet posting is irresponsible….

Post # 19
Member
7857 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I agree with the suggestion to call 911 next time this happens – brilliant. If possible I’d try to record him when he’s making the suicide threat in case he attempts to deny it when the paramedics arrive.

But at the end of the day bee what matters most is getting yourself out of this situation. You are essentially being held hostage in the relationship now and you need to give yourself permission to leave, even if that means your bf actually follows through on his threat to hurt himself. Call 911, tell his parents or other family what he’s said, and then get yourself out of the situation – that is the kindest thing you can do for both yourself and your boyfriend.

Post # 20
Member
8783 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

kellybride09 :  Nobody is disputing that OP’s boyfriend is manipulating her and she needs to put her own mental health first. Literally every single person here agrees with you about that. What we disagree with is this dangerous blanket statement “People who threaten suicide don’t intend to actually do it. Those who really do won’t tell anyone, because they don’t want to be stopped.” This is not true and not helpful. If OP believes you about this and feels safe leaving because of this, and then he ends up being one of the ones who carry through on their threat, she is going to blame herself. She needs to understand that he may or may not carry through on the threat, but that in either case it is not her fault or within her control. 

Post # 21
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

Leave.

What is particularly concerning is that you beleive you won’t have support or “anyonebeleive your side” when you leave. Bee, it sounds like this loser has been gaslighting you too. I think more of your friends & family will support you when you leave than you worry.

Even if he paints you as the villain, that “he did all the housework”, that’s might be someone else’s love language — that’s not what makes you feel loved or what you want in a partner. You can agree that he did plenty, but it was nothing that made you feel loved, and shame on him for not trying to know you well enough to do the things that do make you feel loved.

Post # 22
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

If you can get him to say that he will kill himself in a text message go immeditaly to the police with it. They will section him and get him the help that he needs. And please don’t listen when someone say’s usually when people tell you their  going to commit suicide they don’t please. Always and I mean always take someone at their word when speaking these words. Never make a decision based on that. 

But bee you need to leave for you sanity. The sooner the better. Try your best. I know it is hard for you right now but try and get in a text or like the other pp said a voicemail. 

But what I wanted to say was (the whole suicide thing got to me) stop paying for things for him. Don’t buy him things. 

Post # 23
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

Leave him and also call 911 if/when he threatens to harm himself – he needs professional medical attention, not a frantic girlfriend who feels trapped.

Post # 24
Member
755 posts
Busy bee

jjem :  If he plans to take his life, that’s his problem, not yours. Please call 911 when he threatens, but honestly Bee, his violent outbursts are worrisome. Look out for your own safety first. Ideally you won’t wait for his next breakdown, and you will pack your things today, and go home to your parents. I wouldn’t take any chances in the event he decides you shouldn’t live without him either. 

Post # 25
Member
6321 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

He’s violent and emotionally manipulative in addition to having no ambiyion or money. You need to leave for your own safety. When a former boyfriend of mine threatened suicide, I called a suicide prevention hotline and they sent people to check on him, but 911 is equally valid. And make yourself unavailable. Block his number and any social media; don’t text or take his calls. But just like they tell you in emergencies, you need to take care of your own safety first, and that means LEAVING. His safety if he threatens to harm himself comes after you are safely out of the situation.

Post # 26
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

When he is not home, pack all your things and get out of the house. Better you do it when he isnt there than when he is. You dont need to be subjected to the violence or threats he will make. 

Then ask him to meet in public, and explain to him what is happening. If he seems a danger to you or himself then call the police. 

Post # 27
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

 

Not only do I see red flags everywhere, but he has a giant one draped around his body! How are you missing it!?

Next time he threatens you with suicide, call the Police and get him under suicide watch for 72 hours at the local hospital. That will fix things real quick for him. He will never cry wolf like that again.

Post # 28
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

Dump. And read up about emotional blackmail. 

Post # 29
Member
6033 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

queenie8119 :  This. 

A 5150 hold can bring a crystal clarity to this kind of behavior.

OP- he is not your responsibility. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Please get out of this situation any way you can. You do not deserve this.

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