Post # 1
I’m the first of my friends to get married. I don’t think my maids understood the costs of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man when they agreed to do it .
Everyones been really excited the past couple of months, esp about the B-Party but I just got an email from my Maid/Matron of Honor and one of my BMs explaining that they’ve run into some $ trouble. They didn’t say they cant be BMs or anything but I feel pretty crapy about it.
I’ve really tried to keep them (and their wallets) in mind when making decisions. I can’t afford to pay for their dresses or their way for the B-party. I’m not sure what to do.
How are you guys handling not-so-well-off-maids?
Post # 3
What exactly are they having trouble playing for? Can you cut some of the things that you are "requiring" (if there are any)?
Post # 4
did your Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man give you any specifics? if not, i would just email back to ask what they are having trouble with. maybe you can be a bit more flexible to help ease their financial burdens? for example, tell them that they can wear whatever shoes and accessories they want and do their own hair and makeup. also, there are lots of fun, affordable b-party options so opt for something where you can all bond and have a good time without breaking the bank.
as long as you try to be understanding and considerate, i’m sure they will appreciate it!
Post # 5
I have one bm that is struggling with money as she has been unemployed for a few months now, and when I asked her to be a bm she had just started a new job (she was let go 3 months after becoming my bm). When I asked her to be a bm it was about 7 months before the wedding and I asked her if she would be able to afford it. We discussed the cost of everything upfront and she created a savings plan to cover the costs. When she lost her job I called her and asked what I could do to help, and she told me not to worry about it, she was sticking to her savings plan and everything was working out. The biggest expense was the bm dress; however, she did get to choose which one she wanted to wear. She got to choose her own shoes (silver and strappy) and went with a pair from target. Thankfully, she just found a new job and starts this Monday.
I think that being upfront about costs and working out a way to save for it is the best method. Some younger bm’s have never had to save before or may have never had a large expense and they may not realize how much money they are actually spending on things. My bm was shocked when she realized how much money she was "throwing away" on purchases she just never thought about. Also, being flexible with them and being aware of the cost factor related to your choices.
Post # 6
I have actually been on the flip side of that situation. Last year I was Maid/Matron of Honor in a wedding and money was really tight for me. I knew it would be expensive, but I definitely underestimated it a bit (my friend was the first in our group to get married!). What my friend let us all do which was really helpful was to let us pick out our own shoes, jewelery, etc. It saved a lot, since all three of us already had shoes that ended up looking perfect together. You could even let them get their own dresses in a certain color or range of colors. Get color swatches from Home Depot so they know what to look for and let them spend what they feel is appropriate. The plus is that each maid gets to show off some of her own style!
Also, there are plenty of B-party options that are pocket-book friendly…you can do a girls-only sleepover party or home spa party. If worst comes to worst and they can’t make it to the party, whats really important is that they are by your side on your big day!
Post # 7
Also, I am giving my bm’s their jewelry and purse for the wedding. Sometimes the little things add up.
Post # 8
I was also on the flip side as well. Actually, I’ve been there several times. I’ve been moh twice and a bm twice and all times, I tried extra hard to make things work and not stress out the bride so much. Communication is key but also compromise. I got together with the other bms to plan a great shower and b-party to plan something budget but not cheap. It all came together beautifully, we all tried to use different sources to cut costs and no one ever knew! It was really helpful that I relayed my situation with the rest of the bms too, they tried their best to meet me half way and were more than understanding.
As for the dress costs and such – let ur bms help you find a great dress for them that isn’t too costly. There are great alternatives out there that won’t cost an arm and a leg. I agree on having them pick out their own accessories and shoes as well as do their own makeup and hair.
hope things turn out well, I know it will!
Post # 9
This all sounds very familiar (I’m going to be the single bm at my best friend’s wedding)..but rather than re-hash my complaints to the hive again….turns out I found ways to cut costs. The dress-netbride.com, which saves $$$ by a lot!; the shoes (cream ones, remember?)-Marshall’s $3.00!!! (i kid you not and they are nice evening sandal heels too! (I couldn’t believe the price either..) and the cream purse?-turns out my mom has one-not exactly evening but this is a one-night event so it should be ok. And the hotel costs?-well, my firm has a travel company within it that makes all busines reservations so I called today and they saved me $15 with the corporate rate. (but I’m sure if you called around to different travel agencies or if you asked about the AAA rate-it can help)WOO-HOO……I am truly excited now to be a bridesmaid, now that I’ve found ways to cut costs.
I’m still gitty over the shoes! 😉
Post # 10
They didn’t give any specifics but I think they want me to cut something… the thing is the only things I have asked of them is to get the dress ( bill levkoff, any style in a certian color, they go for about 150) and to come to the bacholerette party, which will be in vegas… (we think it will end up being about 300 per person for hotel, drinks, food transportation etc)
They both mentioned the dress is pricey but I took them to davids bridal and they thought they looked too "cheap". I also sent them several websites to order them cheaper and keep an eye on ebay for anything.
I’m paying for their hair, they can get make up done professionally if they want to pay for it. they can wear whatever shoes, jewery, etc they want.
Basically, I just feel bummed out for them, as a friend. I know they want to do more but can’t.
Post # 11
I just want to say one more thing….while the invitation to be a bm or a MOH and accepting it are rather happy moments…no one, at least,I didn’t initially think about how much this is all going to cost. After my bff asked me, the first thing I didn’t think of was, so how much is this going to cost me and are you going to help? My first reaction was YES, of course i’ll be your bridesmaid!
Sooooo….if I had learned anything from my experience, when I get engaged and ask my bffs to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and bms, I will definitely bring up the money subject within moments of asking…b/c if you let it slide and bring it up later and later, and they discover how much they "have" to fork over for your happiness, it might create resentment and that’s never good.
Post # 12
TallBride – I think things will be okay. I know it’s a little bit of a downer but I think everyone’s goal is to make the best of it. Maybe if there’s some time between now and the b-party…it will give them some time to save.
The cost of being a bm has definitely increased dramatically over the past few years and those that are a bm for the first time might not realize this. If Vegas is a little much – maybe there’s an alternative place that may be a little cheaper?
Post # 13
I think you’re within your rights to ask that they buy the dress, especially since $150 isn’t all that much. But Vegas might be a bit over the top. Especially if they wouldn’t have chosen to go to Vegas on a vacation on their own. Do you have your heart set on Vegas, or is it more important to celebrate with friends? Because you may have to choose between the two.
Post # 14
yeah, vegas might be too much. who’s idea was it? if they can’t afford everything, you have to start by cutting anything unnecessary, and going to vegas sounds like the only one you can cut.
Post # 15
The cost of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is really just the dress, so it sounds like they will all be OK. If your heart is set on Vegas, they don’t HAVE to go to the bachelorette party. If you’d rather they be at the party, you can do it in LA, have a sleepover and go out clubbing– it’ll be just as fun!
Post # 16
I think vegas is a bit much as well. perhaps you can have a b-party that is local and then just a trip to vegas for people who want to come.
A question I would like to add to this board is – if one of your BMs is recently out of a job, is it fair to help her with additional expenses that you aren’t helping the other bms with?