(Closed) Broke off my engagement… Heartbroken. :(

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
616 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Lilybee123: How about finding someone that aligns with your head and your heart? πŸ™‚

Post # 18
Member
2051 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

You are 20 years old, these decisions don’t need to be made now or really anytime in the near future. I agree with what a PP said about cutting off communication with both of them and trying to find your center again. It’s an embarrassment of riches really, having two great guys who want to marry you, but if you’re this conflicted it’s entirely possible neither is the guy for you. And that’s not a bad thing! Take a break. See where you end up.

Post # 19
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee

Though I’m sure it hurts to hear this right now, your broken engagement is for the best. I wish you luck and success in the future. 

Post # 20
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@Lilybee123:  As much as I love Johnny Depp and that is a cool quote… my uncle was actually in the same situation and thought he had to choose between his head and his heart.  When all was said and done, and neither relationship worked out, he realized that there never was a choice to be made.  He just hadn’t found the right one yet.  Be patient hon.  It will happen. πŸ™‚

Post # 21
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It sounds like this ex of yours was your first love, and it’s totally normal for it to take awhile to get over it.  You ended it for a reason, though, and talking to him now isn’t going to help you move on.

My advice is to cut off contact with both men and take some time to yourself.  It’s ok to not be ready to get married at 20.  Very few of us are.

Post # 22
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m so sorry you are going through all of that, my dear.

You did what was best. Even though it might hurt right now, it’s better to not get into something you are unsure of-especially a marriage.

My feelings are that my ex’s are ex’s for a reason.. there was something that didn’t work out between us and it was enough to cause the relationship to come to a close. Whatever the reasoning was, at one time it felt valid enough to end things so I try to trust my judgement.

I say if you want to explore your feelings for your ex, then go for it. Just don’t be surprised if things don’t turn out as you pictured. I tried re-dating an ex once. We were in high school when we originally dated and remained friends after the break up. All I can say is that the 2nd relationship gave validity to the initial feelings of “this relationship is not going to work.. it’s not right”. I’m not saying that’s always the case, but it’s pretty common. You start talking, you miss the person, you wonder why you broke up to begin with, you realize you want to be with them again, you get back together, things seem great, and then…?? You realize you just wanted that validation that it is truly over, no going back.

Whatever you need to do then do it! You are still young πŸ™‚ Live your life, have a good time, don’t tie yourself down if you don’t feel ready.

Post # 24
Member
16 posts
Newbee

@Lilybee123- I had just turned 21 when my boyfriend proposed to me. I knew I wasn’t ready to make such a commitment- I had a lot more growing to do. I thought for sure our relationship was over.

And here we are, 5 years later, so happily planning our wedding. he proposed after I had my career established 5 years later, and I couldn’t be happier. Remember, sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. He and I still talk about how if we had got engaged then when I was so young, it would have been a disaster.

Take your time- marriage is not something to rush in to. If it’s meant to be, it will be.

Post # 25
Member
1563 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Take your time trying to sort out what exactly it is that you want out of a relationship right now. Like PP have suggested already, you have time to decide. It is better to take your time and be positive of your decision, rather than risk getting married to someone you aren’t positive you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Post # 26
Member
2357 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

someday you really will find someone who satisfies both your head and heart. when my SO and I first started dating, I was worried he was too good for me– in the sense that he treated me so well and he wasn’t like anyone else (fun and immature) I’d dated.  but we have SO much fun together! he makes me laugh all the time and I found a great combination where he treats me like a princess but lets me be a little wild/immature. Wink  

you definitely made the right choice, because you shouldn’t marry someone unless they have your whole heart. you’ll find the right one eventually!

Post # 27
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Lilybee – you are still very young to have to worry about being married! I am 27 years old and have been with SO since my senior year in high school (9 years!) The minute I got out of high school all I wanted was to be married to him – WTH was I thinking?! (I wasn’t questioning being with him but wanting to be married so young!)  We have been through some VERY difficult and exausting situations, that I couldn’t imagine having gone through if we were married! Some of those times resulted in him moving out and us figuring stuff out… those times were deciding factors in our relationship – we both had the option to move on and see other people, but we wanted to work it out… Point being – use this time to figure out what is BEST FOR YOU!!! Do not make your decision based on what either guy wants/needs… If figuring out what’s BEST FOR YOU requires you to shut up in your bedroom and talk to no one – then so be it! Like some said earlier, You’ll just know what is right!  Life is too short to be unhappy! Good Luck!

Post # 28
Member
8 posts
Newbee

I AM SORRY SO LONG

You broke up with your ex for a reason, you may be getting caught up in old feelings you think are there.

Who is the person you can see having a future with, and possible raising a family with.

Your fiance was ready to marry you and spend his life with you, and you are getting caught up over what an ex is saying to you.

I do not mean to be so harsh, but I fell into the same trap.I got caught up because his(ex) sister was one of my friends and I was in her wedding, and her family wanted me and my ex to get back together, and made me feel so welcome and loved.

While my fiance’s (then boyfriend) family loves me but aren’t as warm and open, so I was reavaluating my entire relationship and worrying about what if I turn cold, and distant like his family is with each other, I have always had such a warm close family and it was so different the way they were together. 

Fiance’s mom had the biggest heart but wasn’t a very open person.

I never cheated, nor ever would on my fiance.

However I was getting so confused, so we took a break and I felt so guilty, all he did was love me and he deserved so much better.

Even when we took a break I never had anything or went back to my ex.

I took a hard look and realized what the heck am I doing.

I don’t want to be with my ex.

I could never care about him as much as my fiance.

He could never mean as much to me as my fiance.

My fiance loves me and takes care of me, he was willing to let me go so I could figure out what would make me happy. 

All my fiance wanted was for me to be happy. 

I got caught up in an illusion, feeling like I was going to become a cold person because my fiances family were so cold and my ex family so welcoming.

Their family made me feel good, but it sure as hell wasn’t what I wanted.

My ex and I broke up for a reason, he will never be the person my fiance is, and he will never show me love like my fiance nor do I want it with anyone else.

Yes, I have felt like the Notebook, it was what my ex said to me to get me to start drifting away from my fiance.

That he felt like I was his soul mate, and to watch the Notebook because it is how he knows I am his soul mate and blah blah blah, I bought into that, and I am so glad I woke up to it IN TIME.

I am glad we went through this because it made me realize what I truly had was irreplaceable, that what I had a long time ago with that ex would never touch what I have with my fiance.

I realized I had a love with my fiance like no other, I had something special with him. I could be myself I could be dorky, this was the man that would wake up in the middle of the night to rub my tummy when I had cramps or i could wear no makeup and he would tell me I am beautiful.

The one who gave me the bigger piece of pizza, and the side that wasn’t as burned πŸ™‚ I had a partner who helped me when I was down, took care of me when I was sick.

Went through hell and back with me, and would do it over and over again if it meant we would be together.

I tricked myself into thinking I wanted something else, but in reality I already had everything I ever wanted or could ever need

My fiance is my one true love, partner, and soul mate.

I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life taking care of and showing my fiance what an amazing man he is, and being the women that, that amazing man deserves.

Sorry that was so long, but you asked for similar experiences, and I am just trying to show you that there is a reason you decided to marry your fiance, and don’t ever let any guy put you astray because it sounds like you already know your fiance is an amazing person.

It sounds like you have to do some real soul searching, and I wish you the best of luck πŸ™‚

 

Post # 29
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think the pace you have taken is probably what is making you have cold feet and second thoughts. 8 months is a very short time span to get to know someone, let alone get engaged.

Have you called off your relationship or just your engagement, if anyone asks just say you are both taking a step back to get to know each other more and make sure marriage is for you.

Everyone gets hung up about their ex, its natural and it sometimes make you question the “shoulda, woulda, couldas” but you didn’t work out for a reason, and now you have a guy who will do anything for you so you feel guilty as you are not used to it.

Try just dating again for now, take things slow, and the more you spend time dating the less you will think about you ex (trust me!)

Good luck, and don’t give up on it all for an ex, move on and be happy =)

Post # 30
Member
16 posts
Newbee

First love or not, what is in the past is the past. Talking to your ex will only put you in bad situations like this. I should know, I was in the same boat as you not long ago, I didn’t break it off with my BF but my ex came back around and I do have feelings for him, always will but he is the past now and I have a wonderful man in my life that will be my FH, he is the best thing that has happened in my life, counting all past BF’s. I stopped talking to my ex and let him go on with his life as well as I plan for my future with my soon to be FH. I suggest you do the same if you love your ex-fiance and move on with your life ahead, don’t turn back, it usually only brings pain and heartache. Just my opinion hun.

Post # 31
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

 

Anyone who compares what they are doing to another person to a stupid Hollywood movie is far too immature to get married.

You need to stay away from both of them.

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