Post # 1
My boyfriend of two years and I found out I was pregnant (unplanned). We both decided we wanted to keep the baby, move in together, and get married. He and my mother met with a jeweler to custom make a ring for the engagement. A few weeks later we found out I miscarried and he asked my mom to cancel the ring and that he doesn’t want to get married anymore. We have had a rocky relationship in the past and I understand that he wants to work on our relationship, but I don’t know if I can get over the fact that he does not want to marry me anymore. Am I stupid for trying to fix our relationship?
Post # 2
Bee, I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I’m a firm believer that even the most terrible things in our lives happen for a reason. Don’t fight for someone who changed their mind on you at your lowest point. There is someone else out there worthy of your love and dedication. Now is the time to turn inward and take care of yourself.
All the best.
Post # 3
cblank gives legit the best advice. Do not wait for someone who was not there for you.
His behavior, although honest, is showing his TRUE colors. You need someone that will stand by you (we all do). Best to walk away now while you have an out. Good luck to you.
Post # 4
I don’t think its uncommon for an unplanned pregnancy to suddenly motivate a couple to take their commitment to the next level. If your BF doesn’t feel ready and wants to actively work on the relationship then I think its wise to do so. Acting with haste is rarely a good idea.
I am very sorry for your loss.
ETA: I can’t say I am in agreement with PP’s as this is your BF’s loss too. I think you should both be kind and patient with one another during this difficult time. If you both want to work on the relationship then I see no harm in making the effort.
He didn’t abandoned you, he pumped the breaks so that you can work on the relationship. That is SMART.
Post # 5
thanks so much! That’s so kind of you to say 🙂
Post # 6
OMG! I’m so sorry for your loss! I have also had a miscarriage and it’s certainly a terrible feeling.
I’m even more sorry that you’re getting this double whammy. Also, it must make it harder that his decision is magnified by the fact that your mother is involved. I would feel absolutely humiliated. I don’t want to tell you to end your relationship, though you would certainly have reason to do so should you feel compelled to do so. Have you spoken to him about this whole thing in depth? Has shed any logical light on what made him decide to retract the proposal?
Post # 7
I am so sorry for your loss and for the change of heart your boyfriend had. Did he speak with you about this before he called your mom? I don’t think it’s awful of him to slow things down if the reason he was going to propose was because of the baby and not because he a. wanted to b. was ready because I think those are important factors for a healthy engagement and marriage.
Have you talked to him about this? I think now would be the time to say “We almost made a lot of big steps together, lets talk about a timeline of how we want to handle those steps in the future”
I’m so sorry you have to cope with both of these losses my heart goes out for you at this tough time.