(Closed) Broken Engagement

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

Sweetheart, it sounds like he’s stringing you along – he wants to have fun and not feel guilty for it, but he also wants you waiting around for when/if he doesn’t find anything “better” out there or decides he wants you back. Don’t be that girl. You need a clean break and to really heal and move on.

Post # 4
Member
1481 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I would not get back with this guy. He says he loves you and misses you but doesn’t want to get back together (not now, and possibly NEVER?!) and then says he wants you both to see other people.

 

I would take his advice and move on, but stop hanging out with him, responding to any contact he tries to make, etc. Just run as far and as fast as you can from this guy. Sorry, that’s probably not what you wanted to hear.

Post # 5
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

he wants to date other girls.

Move on from him, he’s stringing you along as another pointed out.

Post # 6
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My take: he’s seeing someone else but doesn’t want to tell you. He thinks this is letting you down easier (and keeping his own options open). Move on and don’t look back.

Post # 8
Member
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@almostawife: I think he is saying “I want to explore who I am outside of this relationship.” While this is undoubtedly devastating, I think that you should take the opportunity to discover who you are outside of this relationship as well. He loves you, but he recognizes (wisely) that he needs to experiment and experience life alone. I wish I had the maturity to realize this need in myself before I got married to my husband, because these feelings do not go away but are infinitely more complicated once you are married.

Asking what you can do to get him back is going about this the wrong way IMO. If you are truly made for each other, you will be able to grow and develop on your own and find yourselves naturally coming back to one another. If you are not truly made for each other, you will drift apart and find other people to be with. And that’s ok. The reality of the situation is that the only way you will have the chance of ever getting back together, is proceeding as though this breakup is the complete end of your relationship and acting accordingly. While he is no doubt telling you the truth (that he loves you, wants to live a long life with you, etc.), you may need to set boundaries for yourself so that you don’t speak to each other for a long while. Enough for you to heal your heartbreak and start moving on with your life.

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It will get better.

Post # 9
Member
25 posts
Newbee

This post made me so sad, I’m really sorry. It does sound like he is moving on but feeling guilty, so he’s being selfish and stringing you along while hoping you move on too. Cut off contact as much as possible… 

You will be ok, everything will be ok with time. Don’t let him hurt you anymore. 

Post # 10
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@almostawife:  Oh, lady, I’m sorry you are going through this. Take some time for YOU, independently of him, just for a little while longer. Give yourself some time to heal and gain some perspective because it seems like you could use a good heaping portion of perspective now.

From what I gather, it seems like he is confused, too, and doesn’t know exactly what he wants either, but yo-yo’ing you around with his contradictory statements isn’t helping. Part of him remembers well the happiness and years you’ve spent together while another part of him is wanting to explore other relationships and party. And yes, maybe he does want to just be a boy as you wrote, and that is fine, and good that he was at least clear on that point with you. But having you in his back pocket whenever he feels like “coming back” to you is no way for you to live. You don’t necessarily need to be waiting for him to come back to!

My point is that if he repeatedly disrespected you by staying out late and not contacting you as he said he would, you need to ask yourself if you want to return to that behavior again. *Saying* he hopes things work out between you two is one thing — taking *action* to make that happen is another thing entirely. Don’t waste YOUR life, YOUR time, waiting for him to figure it out.

Here’s something to consider: You may be the best thing for him, but he may not be the best thing for you. He might find someone else and never come back, and that would be his choice. No, you don’t throw away 8.5 years and all our dreams just like that…but HE DID. You need to recognize that.

I think before you ask what you can do to get him back, you need to ask if you really want him back, or just the idea of what he once was back? I don’t mean to be hurtful in bringing up these points for you, but I want you to really listen to your conscience and take the time to iron this out for yourself before you even put him in the equation. What do you want in a husband? Does he match up? If in time he proves himself to you, great. But don’t hold your breath. You deserve great stuff and not to be left hanging. HUGS

 

Post # 12
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@Cornflakegirl:  2nd that… wise words and advice.

Post # 14
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@tampalove35:  +1

 

 

@almostawife:  Just focus on you. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. He’s obviously going through some mid-twenties-I-won’t-be-young-forever-let-me-sow-my-wild-oats crisis and dragging you along. You will drive yourself crazy trying to get him back. Do your thing, don’t be available for him, go out and have a good time. He will regret his decision but not if your sitting their waiting for him like a lost puppy. And it sounds like that’s exactly what he wants. 

Post # 15
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

With his newfound success, his social circle and dating field have probably expanded considerably, at least in his eyes. He likely wants to be single and “live it up”. He might get bored of that eventually, and try to get you back. But hopefully by then you’ll be with a man who truly cherishes you. Hugs! Good luck!

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