(Closed) Broken Engagement

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
231 posts
Helper bee

Oh boy.

This is a LOT of detail and it’s kind of hard to read without much punctuation.

Are you guys American? Because this sounds more like a non-American cultural issue to me, where the family gets such a big say. How old are you two?

What I can tell you for sure is that it doesn’t sound like either of you are ready for marriage, and she needs to be much more independent before she’s in any position to be in a serious relationship.

Good luck to you both.

Post # 4
758 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

@MrBroken:  my first thought is to get everyone else OUT of your relationship.  Until she is capable of being her own person and communicating on her own accord she is in no way grown up enough to be someone’s wife.

Post # 5
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Your religion does not differ. You both believe in Jesus Christ…that is the same religion.

Post # 7
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Neither of you sound ready to be married. Leave her alone. Leave her family alone. Leave your father out of it. Do not go to her house or work. You may think you are being nice but your behavior is scary and I would be contacting the police as well if multiple people had told you to stop and you kept doing it. That’s called stalking.

Post # 8
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@MrBroken:  I hate to say it but you should let her go. She isn’t ready for marriage. And you don’t seem to be capable of respecting the boundaries put in place by her family, something that is obviously important to her.

Post # 9
1725 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

@LDay1983:  +10000

Post # 10
1650 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m so sorry about what you’re going through, but I wouldn’t want to mess with her brother. it’s her loss but if she is not willing to go against her family for you, you will never be a team together. I had a parents who were so-so on my marriage to my husband. I stood up for him against them. Your girl doesn’t sound like she’d do that – she is NOT ready for marriage. Let it go. Move on. And please don’t contact her again.

Post # 11
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@MrBroken:  do you two need each other family permission to marry?

The relationship seems to be difficult because too many people are involved.

Do you want to be with her?

Does she want to be with you?

If both your answers are yes, then the two of you need to stand together showing a united front to both your families. It’s supposed to be the two of you on the same team. That is how marriage works.

Too many people’s ideas and opinions are involved here…

You sound like a nice guy, she seems like she has been sheltered a lot and has some growing to do.

Also, you say you guys are in church. It would be nice if you two could schedule a meeting with your priest. I don’t know if they offer pre-marital counseling there, but you two would benefit greatly from this prior to marriage.

As far as where you two go from here, it is difficult to say because it seems that everyone else is making decisions about your lives.

If you think you still want to continue your engagement with her:

1. Talk to her alone. Make sure you two are on the same page with what you both want for your future.

2. Schedule a meeting with her family/brother/mother – in this meeting you and her need to be on the same team and united and tell them your plans for the future and get their acceptance/blessing (since that seems to be necessary for your culture).

If those steps cannot happen then walk away, because this situation is understandably frustrating and may get you nowhere except heartache and wasted time.

Good luck! I hope things work out fir your best.

Post # 12
20 posts

I agree with everyone saying there are too many people involved!..and think about this..if you two were to get married would the rest of your life be the way it is now. Everything having to do with her family? Would you even be able to live a happy life with her family and your dad involved in your guys’ business? You seem very nice, and obviously you love her. I think you two have had talks and work things out and they keep getting messed up because of family. I think you need to have a talk with her and decide if it could be JUST  you two or if family is always going to have a say on whats going on with your relationship. Just becareful, her brother seems VERY over protective. Good luck with everything!

Post # 13
2488 posts
Buzzing bee

@MrBroken:  it sounds like her family is the one interfering and doesn’t like you, not your dad.

Honestly, she doesn’t care enough to stand up to her family and tell them that she loves you. That to me, is not worth fighting for. You have already done a lot to show her how much you care and willing to make it work and she like steps all over your heart and gives you hope, just to step on it again.

you sound like a great guy who should give their heart to someone who 100% wants it and willing to fight for it. She does not love you like you love her. let it go.

Post # 14
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrBroken:  i think SHE is really immature.  she needs to stop listening to her family.  

Post # 15
1797 posts
Buzzing bee

@MrBroken:  Okay, I didn’t actually read the entire thing because it was a bit confusing, but from what I’ve read I’d say you should probably avoid initiating any type of conversation or interaction with her for a while. Maybe she will realize that this is her problem that caused your engagement to end. She sounds very immature. A 26 year old woman should be able to make her own decisions about who she dates and marries without her brother calling the shots. I don’t think I could handle being in a relationship where my mother or brother had any say in anything. The fact that she went and aired everything about your relationship to her brother speaks volumes of what she is like. I don’t think my SO or I would ever discuss our relationship issues in depth in any way even if we did break up. You just don’t do that.

Post # 16
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@MrBroken:  I would say run a person that cant stand up to their own family is not someone I would want to be with for the rest of my life…She is choosing to let her family bully you and that is not right. 

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