(Closed) Broken Engagement Advice

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Honestly, if you have said all of this to her already and she still is unsure, all you can do is wait and hope she finds her way back. Give her the space she is requesting. Work on improving yourself while she is gone and after some time, reminder her that you are still waiting. Good luck. Sounds like if she realizes what she could have, you will spend a life making sure she doesn’t regret it.

Post # 5
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You should do it. I suspect she may fear that if she lets you back in you will eventually do the same thing again and break her heart. You have to show her consistently how much you love her, without being ‘pathetic’. I hate to use that word, but you know what I mean. I think actions are going to be more powerful than words at this point, so again I say go for it! 

Post # 6
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

I say yes, you should do it, and make it clear that you want to marry her rightaway (I’d probably even say you’d be happy to go ahead with the civil ceremony before you get back into wedding planning because that might help calm her nerves and show her you are serious). Part of her hesitation might be related to being unsure that you want to get married, and feeling like you are just telling her all the same things you were before cold feet set in. I wish you the best of luck, and hope you get her back. Be sure to love her and show her how grateful you are everyday once you figure things out!

Post # 7
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@steve117:  Dear Steve,

I am so sorry you are hurt. I wish i could take away the pain that you are in. There are a few good things you did here.

1. You listened to yourself. You cannot regret what you did-essentially postponing and calling off the wedding the first round. You were unsure, you had to do it in order to do some deep thinking and to realize you need and want her. You also take marriage seriously, and you did not want to give marriage a go, if you weren’t 1000 percent. So remember that, you did what you had to the first round. You hurt her, yes, but you listened to your internal voice and had to really think things out. It shows how seriously you take marriage and how seriously you listen to yourself (something many others wouldn’t have the strength to do).

2. Now you can either call and beg, or give her space. Unfortunately, and i mean it, UNFORTUNATELY we cannot control others. We cannot make her decide anything . No call, no flowers, no chocolate box will make her change her mind. She needs to listen to her internal voice (just as you did) and get back to you. It will be hard, but I think she needs space. Does she know your intentions to marry her? She is probably fearful, what if she gives you her heart and then you have doubts? SHe is currently in self-protect mode. She may have this hurt for years to come. However, it can and it will go away. She needs space. As long as she knows your intentions are serious, then let her breath and come to you if she wants.

Now is the most important part- your mental health. You are in a lot of pain, I really recommend you seek support whether from close friends or a therapist. You’re great distress could potentiall misguide you. You need to exercise (it is not only good for your body and mood, but it will release a lot of the stress you have), and seek support. and do lots of self-care.

 

You did everything you could. you did nothing wrong, you had to do it at the time in order to get where you are. 

Good luck. You can always message me if you want. 

Post # 9
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@steve117:  It sounds like she definitely still cares and loves you. She does not want you to be with anyone else. That’s great that you guys talked a bit.  As for your anniversary- I wish I could give you an answer. I don’t know her so I fear to give you advice that I am not sure about. What is the good that can come out of it? And what is the “bad” that can come out of it? do what’s in your heart and what you think she will appreciate. I don’t see any red flags (reasons to not give her flowers) but again, i do not know her and do not know 

Also, is there any “time frame” that she is taking. For example, how long does she want space in order to gather her thoughts? or is there really no specific time when you two will reconvene and discuss this again?

PS. I’m happy you’re feeling a bit better with therapy. 

Post # 11
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@steve117:  Sounds like a good and thought out plan. The romantic gesture sounds very sweet.  I wish you all the best steve i will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Post # 12
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d say that in the majority of cases, a broken engagement is something a relationship can’t recover from. But I think this might be one of the rare exceptions… particularly as you have been working on yourself, you seem to be able to see clearly why things went wrong and you have a plan to correct those things. It also sounds like she still loves you.

 

I don’t think it would hurt to write her an honest letter telling her the things you’ve been telling us here, I would personally find that very sweet.

I hope it works out for you.

Post # 13
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@steve117:  update?

For what it’s worth, you need to show her that you are a confident man again. How do you do that when there is no contact? By living your life to the fullest–sign up for classes or join a sport team, go on a trip with friends. The more you mope and send out desperation vibes (and yes she can feel them, even with no contact), the more you will push her away. 

Post # 14
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@KoiKove:  +1000 Totally agree…Steve, I hope you get some peace and everything works out for you. I know sometimes you men need to be given shock in order for you to realize what you really want. I had to do exactly what your Fiance did to get my Fiance to understand that I needed to be put second only to God and I wanted no contact until he could.

Well, long story short it took him about a week of thinking and realizing that he couldnt live without me and how important I am to him. He apologized to me and I was still not sure he understood what I meant. He needed to show me and I would not give in until I seen how serious he was about the relationship.

He did a total 360 and our relationship couldnt be stronger.

BIG HUG 

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