(Closed) Broken Engagement Advice

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@steve117: My friend, I understand exactly how you feel and all of this would make you depressed but I want you to know that given the fact that you are putting forth an effort to be the best person you can be just be patient. I know it hurts and the pain seems insurmountable but please dont allow yourself to be so consume that you hurt yourself in any way.

My Fiance is in the military and I didnt hear from him for 3months and I felt like killing myself because I thought he was dead. I just kept praying and his best friend finally contacted me to tell me his camp was attacked and he was unconscious. Imagine how bad he would have felt if I had killed myself when he came out of the coma? I said that because it hurts much before the blessings comes. 

You have apologized and have decided to change for the better and when her heart is healed she will come back because you mean just as much to her as she does to you. You have the qualities she wants that is why she has been with you. So give yourself some credit for being a good person that is working on becoming a better person.

She has the same dreams you have for the future. I know it is hard but try to do other things with your friends and family. Dont stay in the house and constantly think about what you feel you have lost. She will be back like I mentioned in my prior post I was hurt by my FI’s actions but I gave him time to change and I can honestly say he has in his actions and how he talks to me. I always say a man will not change until he wants too and you do.

BIG HUG

 

Post # 18
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I know you are in pain, but you have to stop contacting her. Let her come to you. As long as you reach out, she will neve feel the longing to the point where she will overcome her fear. You have to think about this like a drug. As long as you are giving her little hits, she will never 100% commit one way or another to you. (and quite frankly, I think that is why you are in so much pain. If she just said, GO AWAY, you could start healing the pain. But she is keeping you in limbo.)

I read that you need to let someone go for 8 weeks. If they come back within that time, great. But if not, let them go…they didn’t love/miss you enough. 

If she aproaches you, keep your conversations short (remember you want her to miss you enough to overcome her fear) like 15-20 mins. No mushy talk, no I miss you’s. You are strong and she needs to hear that; which she can’t when you are emotionally clinging on to her every word. (If she starts to talk that way, you say, “When you say those things to me, I’m confused as to why we aren;t back together. So until you’ve made a decision one way or another, can you not tell me that”). If you see each other, NO TOUCHING!! Again, you need her to crave your touch enough that she overcomes her fear. No touching until she has made up her mind. 

If she doesn’t come back to you, please know there is more than one soulmate for you. Yes, it will hurt sooooo much, but you will be a stronger better person and there IS another person out there that will not let you go (even if you make a mistake.) Know that once she has made up her mind, you can begin to heal. Now it hurts even more because it is a raw festering wound that keeps being poked. 

You are strong, you will get through this no matter what the outcome.

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