(Closed) broken engagement after cheating but still love him

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sorry you’re going through this so close to what should’ve been one of the happiest days of your life. But far better to have found out his true nature now than after marriage and/or kids etc! I personally feel once a cheater, always a cheater. There are way too many other guys out there that could be better and healthier for you. But it’s up to you to decide. If you ever do decide to take him back, I’d say to go to counseling together or something. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think I would ever be able to trust a man after finding out not only did he cheat on me but, had been actually carrying on a relationship over time with another woman. Only you know how you feel in this situation, maybe time will allow oyu to heal but, even if you forgive him and take him back, I don’t think the rest of your family/friends will ever accept that he is good for you. I know this is not always important, just something to keep in mind.

Post # 6
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Im so sorry hunni you had to go through this ordeal….He showed his true colors before the marriage…he should take some time and think about what he has done to you….I personally would not take any man back. The trust has broken and it would be so hard to fix….Its on you wheather you want to work things out with him….its not easy I know. Take the time to heal from this.

Post # 7
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

The wedding is real close and he goes off and cheats? He has issues to deal with. And you are one of them unfortunately…. because he wouldn’t have cheated if he truly LOVED you.

Post # 8
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with @Serey, you should take some time for yourself to heal. 

Maybe go to counselling? I’m glad I’ve never been cheated on, but I imagine it can really screw up your self worth. 

For me, the worst thing is that he carried on with the other relationship for that long, and that close to the wedding. A one night stand is bad enough, but actually going out for a month? I’m not sure I could trust him again, and I think you need more than a couple of days (or even weeks!) to make that decision.

Post # 10
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

He has to move and resign to break contact with her???  I wouldn’t take him back, but that’s just me.

Post # 11
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

@buzzkill:  he said he plans on leaving the country and work abroad for now,

I think that is a good idea. He needs to know what he wants in HIS life.

Post # 12
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@buzzkill:  When a person shows you who they are, believe them. Maybe you should focus on loving yourself right now.

Post # 13
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@buzzkill:  No one can answer this for you, unfortunately.  Your feelings now are natural, absolutely.  In the wake of a fresh break-up, it is hard to ‘see’ past the bad things, and truly miss all the good.  To truly want that ‘love’ back with that person. 

Only time will tell you where you go from here, whether that be moving on and never looking back, or moving on and coming back to him.  Follow your gut…it is the only thing that cannot ‘reason’.

With that said, the time apart now is imperative to your healing, I think.  Take the time for yourself.  Im sorry this happened to you 🙁

Post # 14
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it is so painful. I know a couple who have come back from an incident like this, but it took many months of counselling and a lot of hard work. I would suggest some time apart to heal, then if you still love him and cant imagine your life without him, perhaps you can start counselling together??

 

Post # 15
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@buzzkill:  I feel so awful for you.  You sound like such a sweet girl, especially because you’re considering trying to forgive him.  This is my take on it, though.

I think the rules are a little different for a couple that’s been married for a number of years and something like this happens.  In my opinion, THEN there might be a chance of reconciliation.  But when a man does this before he’s even married you, I just think to myelf, how is he going to handle being married if he can’t even handle being engaged???

I just feel like maybe this is a blessing in disguise for you and you were meant to stay away from him.  It’s such a sad thing and i can only imagine how it’s making you feel, but I’d much rather know NOW than then…

Post # 16
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry you are going through this.  For me personally, I wouldn’t be able to get past something like this.  You obviously can’t turn off your feelings and you don’t just fall out of of love with someone, because he hurt you.  I think if you want to work things out, you are going to have to go to counseling to deal with this.  I think taking a break and postponing the wedding for now are good ideas.  Good luck.

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