@lovestruckromeo: I know that I want to marry her. I never said I didn’t, but that I felt I needed more time.
Those two statements are not compatible. Either you want to marry her, or you don’t. If you’re sure you want to stay with her forever, why are you so afraid of marrying her? It’s not like the ceremony is going to cast a magic spell on you and make you a different person. It’s pure commitment, which you claim to still feel, but your actions have shown her otherwise. That’s that.
Bottom line, Romeo, is that she is never going to be able to trust your promises again. If you started your relationship over, got engaged again, she’d spend the whole time sick with anxiety, because in her eyes you could bail out again any moment. Up to the last minute, maybe even after the wedding, she’d still be paranoid and afraid. No one deserves to live like that. No one deserves to be treated like that!
From your posts, I am unsure whether you want to “get her back.” But in case that is what you’re hoping to do – I’m betting that it’s just about impossible. She feels abandoned, worthless, lied to, unloved, humiliated. The trust is broken, probably beyond repair.
If she can move past her grief and trust you again, my best wishes go to both of you. But hopefully you can see why that is so unlikely.
As for her family, if they still want anything to do with you, ask what you can do to compensate for financial losses. That’s probably about it. Maybe other bees have more ideas.
I’m sorry I’m starting to speak kind of harshly. I am feeling for your ex and frustrated by your attitude. You can’t have both worlds. You can’t rip her heart out and then expect to be fawned over and accepted back into her arms. You had your chance to commit to her, and you’ve lost it now. You’ve got to deal with the consequences.
And the best way to support her would be to leave her alone. As another bee pointed out – I know you don’t want to be the bad guy, but you are now, at least in her eyes. The bad guy can’t help. Stop picking at her wounds. She’s hurting enough as is.