Broken engagement – seeking encouragement

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
3311 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

You need to deal with all the emotions from your broken engagement & be alone a while. Then, you get out there and date like everyone else. Don’t rush… wait until your ready.

Post # 3
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I can’t relate to a broken engagement but I really feel for you, OP. I was in a serious relationship in my early 20s and he ghosted me (!!) after three years together. I went on vacation with girlfriends, he did respond to any texts or calls while I was away, and I have literally never heard from him since. We’re still connected on LinkedIn and that’s the only reason I know he’s still alive (congrats on your promotion!) 

Devastated would be an understatement. I felt like I would never find someone like him again… and I was right. Instead, I ended up married to someone with all those great qualities – kind, funny, handsome, ambitious – but who would never abandon me or make me feel so unloved and unwanted. You will, too. You made the right choice and the hurt you’re feeling is temporary. 

The reply to the last question on this ca. 2011 Hairpin column is legit was the most helpful breakup advice I ever read: https://thehairpin.com/heartbreak-friendship-and-the-girl-whos-always-on-some-sort-of-restrictive-diet-fb2de47852d1

“Only time works, but it always works. You will get over this person. You are NOT the exception to the rule. Feel the pain until it bores you.”

Post # 4
Member
4253 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

nory :  Oh hun, you’ll get there.  It’s tough, I know it is, but you ABSOLUTELY did the right thing here.  No question.

I have a friend who broke off her engagement last year and she had similar feelings as you do — she felt guilty.  She didn’t want to disappoint people, especially her family, but she realized that he was controlling and awful and the relationship should not continue toward marriage.  It was an awful time for her, but I think she also realized that she had rushed into the relationship and they had gotten engaged less than 8 months after starting to date and then during the engagement is when his true colors really came through.

Needless to say she is happily dating another guy right now (which is just over a year after cancelling the wedding) and genuinely seems so much happier than she was.  I see her approach relationships differently too — she is in no rush and is taking things slow.

You will get there.  Just give yourself time.

Post # 5
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I think you need to ask, what is it about marriage that you want so badly? If it was looking forward to the white dress and all your family and friends celebrating you, you wanted a wedding. If it was a place to call your own- to decorate, and bake cakes for your hubby in a darling apron! Well, you wanted to play house. And if you just wanted to get on with it and start a family, then you want to be a mother.

But if what you truly want is a partner in crime to goof off with, hold each other close in good times, and hard times-  you want love. My dear friend was in your shoes just a year ago. She, too was so blinded by wanting to *start* her life already, she forgot she was already living it! She discovered through her healing process, sacrificing love and a deep connection for a house wasn’t going to be worth it. 

Be grateful that you dodged a bullet and celebrate escaping what could’ve been a loveless, partnerless marriage! Focus on loving yourself and the life you live right now, and love will find its way to you. It did for my friend, just two months ago! After that, all the rest will fall into place. 

 

Post # 6
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

 In March of 2015, just weeks after I moved 200 miles to be with the person that I loved,  we broke up.  I still wore my engagement ring to social functions, but made up excuses as to why he wasnt there. We broke up because it was non stop constant pressure from him to go to the court house, get married. I had cold feet. The same cold feet I had had at that point since 2010. We got back together in June as last ditch attempt. We were completely done by August. He told me I didn’t love him. 

It hurt. It still hurts at times. For a while there, I would just lay in the bed we had shared and just cry. We still lived together and only had one useable bed at the time, but we were working shifts where we never saw each other. I don’t know what’s worse, knowing that the happy times had been there and that person is gone, or knowing that the happy times are gone but the person who caused so much pain is still around. It would take me another year and 4 months to finally get out of that house. 

By that time my bf and I were together.

In that year and 4 months tho, i had dates casually. I wasn’t ready to commit to some body else the way I had, but I still need companionship not based around friendships solely from work. My first date with somebody else came in December with a guy who worked at another location of my job. Once he and I started actually working together, it stopped, so that was like a month of dinner once a week and drinks. I saw this guy from April to July for dinner on in a regular basis, but he became what I was leaving and I ducked out. 

I got lucky that a friend I had met at a mutual friends baby shower a year before I moved had by this point become my main confidante. It didn’t matter that there were 200 miles between us, we worked similar schedules which had us talking when most normal humans are asleep. He called me shortly after his grandmother passed away and offered me her yarn for my knitting and crocheting. The night he brought it down, we sat outside a burger joint talking and goofing off from midnight to sunset. He doesn’t push me into doing things and understood the situation I came from. A year from that first hang out, we are talking the next step. Almost 2 years after my heartbreak. 

The best thing to do is give it time. Just keep moving. Keep believing in yourself and have faith that love will come your way again. 

Post # 7
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

You will be ok! 

 

I went through a broken engagement 3 years ago. It was absolutely devastating, but as soon as I was out of the relationship I realized how much better off I was. Emotionally it took me a long time to fully recover. 

Go out, have fun, take one day at a time. Enjoy dating….when you are ready and erase any and all timelines from your mind!

i dated a decent amount after my engagement ended and met my now fiancé about a year and a half after my engagement ended. I promise you everything happens for a reason and you will have your happy ending when the timing is right 🙂 

Post # 8
Member
6650 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m divorced. As hard as this is you know you made the right decision. It is so much harder to untangle your life from a bad marriage. 

I’m engaged. There is life after a break-up. Give yourself the space and time to process, grieve, learn to love yourself again and explore life. When you are again in a good place good things will come to you. Hugs. 

Post # 9
Member
2691 posts
Sugar bee

Oh bee, I’m so sorry!!! I had a broken engagement, and here I am less than a year later about to be engaged to the right man for me!!

Give yourself time to process and heal.

And don’t feel guilty. I’m sure your friends and family would agree that it’s better to end things now than to go through with a wedding you know isn’t right only to end up divorced later.

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