- 2 years ago
I am upset to be writing this, but I’m having a hard time dealing with my situation despite telling everyone I’m okay. I am okay. I know I made the right decision, and I know I’ll heal.
To keep things short, I broke things off with my ex-FI because I knew it wasn’t right. This happened about 2 months ago. I wasn’t in love with him. He did not want to get married – he did literally ZERO things in the way of wedding planning, and (despite his promise to move wherever I landed a job) dragged his feet moving to where I lived. We were supposed to be married in July; he wasn’t looking for jobs and didn’t plan on moving until fall. (Side note – why on earth would you want to get married and then NOT live with your new spouse? He wasn’t stuck in a job via contract or anything, either – just didn’t want to leave). He didn’t want kids; I did. I love spending time with family and in social situations; he did not. It just wasn’t right.
Despite these things, he’s a wonderful person, but I really think we were just together because our relationship had been so long, and so many people had invested time and money into our wedding.
So, my point – while I know I made the right decision, and I am happy and relieved and feel oddly free, I am still heartbroken. My best friend – the person I would call and laugh with and vent to – is not here anymore. I miss him. And more than that, I feel overwhelming guilt. After I ended the relationship, I have been met with nothing but support from my family, friends, and even some of his family (his parents sent me a nice email about how they cared about me, thought I was going to be a wonderful daughter-in-law, and thanking me for recognizing my feelings and doing the right thing). I had been told throughout the relationship/engagement by several people that I didn’t seem happy, that it seemed like I was dreading the marriage, and I was frequently questioned if I was sure about it. It wasn’t until about a month before that I realized leaving was an option – and probably the most fair option at that. So I did it; my ex was kind and mature about it. He has not been nasty or petty and has been completely respectful. But I still feel horrible. Absolutely horrible.
I feel broken and damaged and like I’m never going to get married. I’m afraid that everyone I meet will feel weird about the fact that I was engaged. I’m afraid that this will happen again (that I’ll break it off again) – am I going to be that girl that gets engaged and then chickens out?
I had wanted to be engaged SO BADLY that I ignored the reluctant feeling I had when my ex proposed. And now that it’s over, I’m frustrated. I had been with my ex for such a long time – 4 or 5 years – before we got engaged. The thought of waiting another 4-5 years after I find someone new makes me feel exhausted.
I’m not about to rush into a relationship, but I’ll be honest – I want to get married. I know I have to be patient and make sure it’s right. Does anyone have any advice for dating/being engaged after an ended engagement? Or encouraging stories (such as meeting the perfect man at a charity event for puppies or something and falling in love a day later and living happily ever after)?