(Closed) broken engagement :(

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I am so sorry to hear you are experiencing such pain. I suggest that you go see a counselor if you can. Look at local universities in your city to find a low- or no-cost clinic. Talking with someone will really help you deal with all this tumult. Good luck.

Post # 4
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Have you tried talking to anyone? A professional therapist or counselor?

It sounds like he had several issues he was dealing with as well and I don’t see where in your story you were “insecure”.

It seems he was easily swayed by his step mom and was putting others first (rather than putting you first).

It sounds like after the engagement you didn’t really have the best relationship and maybe you weren’t right for each other.

The best thing you can do is go and talk to someone. Let all your feelings out and start to deal with them.

EDIT: after re-reading yoru original post there is NOTHING you did wrong. Something is not right with him. He sounds very immature as well as inconsiderate. As painful as it is, you are lucky you found out before you got married. You did not lose the only man who will ever love you and you did NOTHING wrong.

Post # 5
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m so sorry to hear about your heartbreak!  

My honest response to your question though–as to whether you lost the only man who ever loved you and whether YOU did something wrong–is NO!  The true love of your life would never break things off with you without trying his damnedest to work through things with you and would NEVER disrespect you and your feelings by calling things off in a text message.  Better that you see his true colors and inconsiderateness now, than after you are married to him or had children with him.  Fortunately, he did you a great favor, by leaving you open to find TRUE love and respect!

Post # 6
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@ray22: I’m sorry this happened. I have to say, it really sounds like he doesn’t know what he wants. I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but I think it’s in your best interest to not be together or marry this guy. Asking someone to set a firm date, communicate and comprimise with you are all musts to put a wedding together. I’m not sure what his deal is with his step mom, but the plans of the wedding are between the two of you.There is something very OFF in his behavior, I really think you’re better off in the long run not being with this guy.

 

EDIT: I also wanted to add, that there was nothing YOU did to deserve this. The issue completley lies with him.

Post # 7
Member
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sorry! I know it is hard to look past this right now, but you will one day be a stronger person because of this. I’d also suggest trying to speak with someone to help you work through the pain. Best of luck!

Post # 8
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It sounds like he was a pain in the ass! I dont think you needed that kind of stress he put on you, if he didn’t want to get married he shouldn’t have proposed. It sounds like he never once took your feelings into consideration, and didn’t show any care for what you wanted. I dont think you were needy or insecure, I think he’s a jerk for breaking up with you through text message! Who does that to their fiance?! I think you’ll find your perfect someone later, he was definitely not the one if he listened to his step mother over you repeatedly. Do not contact him anymore- you need to walk away and be independent. You don’t need him, and I know its hard and it hurts but if he’s convinced then you don’t really want him back do you? You deserve someone who wouldn’t waver in their decision to marry you and knows that they’ll love you til the end of time. You’ll be okay, get a hobby or go out with friends, but leave him in the dust!

Post # 9
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Someone who is unwilling to compromise on major issues and who breaks up with someone they intended to marry via text message is not ready to be a good lifelong partner to anyone.

I’m sorry you are in so much pain, but it’s probably for the best to move on and find someone who is ready and willing to be a good, fair and loving partner to you. Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with the previous posters.  You didn’t do anything wrong, and you should look forward to a better, more mature partner in your life.  If he can’t decide between 3 months, 6 months, 2 months, etc now, imagine the confusion when you two start having a family or trying to communicate about other big items in your lives.

You will be better off in the long run having a parner who can communicate with you and who is not so wishy washy on things.

Keep your chin up, focus on you, work, family, and friends.

Post # 11
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

 I am so, so sorry to hear about your heartbreak. It cannot be easy and I’m going to echo everyone else and recommend talking to a professional about it.

 That being said,one of my friends recently married. This is her second engagement. The first one she was with the guy for six years, they got engaged and about two months after then engagement they broke up. She was heartbroken and thought she would never find love again. Six months after that she met her current husband. They just married last month.

 Right now it may seem like this is it, that he all you could ever love, but you never know what the universer has planned.

 BIG HUGS FOR YOU!

Post # 12
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh no!! I am so sorry, I would be sad too.  You did nothing wrong.  He did.  He should have been just as excited about it as you were and plan the big day as soon as possible and have a great time doing it… not put it off.

I know you are sad but if he can just toss you to the side after an engagement over a text message — I think you can do better!  There are a lot of men who are active and excited in wedding planning and in relationships in general.  You were needy and whiny because he kept putting your special day on the backburner!

Post # 13
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I agree with the other bees. It might be hard to see this now when you’re in the midst of so much pain, but you deserve better than that, and you will be better off without him. He might be 34, but he sure doesn’t act like a grown man. Breaking off an engagement with a text? Who does that?! Believe me, it’s HIS loss not yours.

I promise you it will get better. Take care of yourself, let your friends and family take care of you, and have faith that every day that goes by it will hurt a little less. Hold your head high and remember that now you’re free to meet the REAL man of your dreams.

Post # 14
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

 ALSO – I would have said the same thing in your situation.  “I wish we never would have gotten engaged” — because he proposed and you were SO excited and then he basically just strung you along!  That isn’t fair — If he didnt want to actually marry you, then he shouldn’t have proposed in the first place.

Post # 15
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Chin up, girl. He’s obviously not the guy for you, and you should thank your lucky stars that you didn’t find out AFTER you married him. He would have driven you crazy with his flip-flopping and irrational behavior for the rest of your life!

Everything seems hopeless now – it always does in the immediate aftermath of a breakup – but look at this as a gift: You can stop wasting precious time on the wrong guy and start keeping an eye out for the right one. Take it from this 47-year-old first-time bride-to-be – he IS out there, and you don’t have to compromise!

Post # 16
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i am so, so sorry. you did nothing wrong. you did nothing to deserve this.

from your post, it sounds like there was something weird going on with the boy – something very weird.

go to counseling to talk to someone about it. things WILL get better.

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