**MORE THAN WINDED RECAP AFTER “ONE OF MANY AMAZING TALKS”**
My honey has a small carry-on as far as relationship baggage because of past circumstances or present knowledge (honestly, who doesn’t, to some extent?) and my life before him was completely dramatic with some of that spilling over into the present day, which more than maybe explains some of his feelings.
Our lifestyle is hectic, to say the least. I have a daughter with my ex/friend, who still absolutely loves me and always will (unfortunately) and voices his opinion to me about this often. My boyfriend has been aware of him as my friend and daughter’s father since day 1, but neither of us appreciate his lack of responsibility (he lives with his pops and smokes up all day, every day) and nonchalant attitude about his daughter. He can be a bit of an annoyance and mooch and irritates my boyfriend because of his expressing feelings towards me (obviously!). I have to remind him from time to time that this is not anything I want or need to hear and that he will have to discontinue the emotional outpours if he wants to remain friends. By the way, we have been friends since 10th grade in high school and dated for 4 yrs many years after we met. So, that is that drama. Moving on..
My honey had never really been in a very serious relationship and this is his first time living with a woman (whereas, I had been in a few very serious relationships and even married once before), but he is my best friend and the easiest person to talk to, as far as being understanding and considerate. We have opposite schedules and two small children, so we really treasure the time we have together and as opposted to flat out protesting any offers I have to leave the house alone, he really just expresses his strong desire to spend that time with me and the kids as a family because he misses me and looks forward to our 1 day off a week together. So, basically, I miss seeing my friends but miss my man even more. Tough spot to be in, but the way it is with such a busy schedule. Sometimes I get a little bored with being “home” alone most of the day with the kids and look forward to a night out from time to time, but since we don’t often have a sitter, my bf ends up having to stay put with the kids which isn’t very fair when he desperately wants to spend time with me and I him. Now, I am a very social person and set up “events” from time to time, including my bf, but have fallen out of the “ladies loop” because of my family ties (wouldn’t change a thing).
Last night, we talked again and he confessed to feeling insecure lately with gaining a smidge of weight and not making it to the gym (kids and opposite schedules to avoid daycare pretty much rule it out). He says he really feels at his lowest level of confidence with relatively recent events putting a big damper on his self esteem (laid off right before we met and having to work as a server for a short while, license suspended shortly after we met from past unpaid tickets, etc.). He says he hasn’t experienced these feelings of insecurity because he hadn’t been through such a trying time, but he knows he is the right man for me and is disappointed in his reactions on behalf of these insecurities. He recently went from third shift to first shift in the office and hasn’t had much sleep lately because of our son’s lack of sleep habits. Sometimes, he is just so tired that I go online for some mental stimulation. Fairly often, his male friend starts a chat with me on fb regarding small talk and nothing more. Now, I don’t complain to my bf, but I need some conversation or busy brain time before bed since I had been with babies in the day and then fairly unamused at work for the evening. My not immediately coming home and cuddling him to sleep with the new schedule change has been a bit of a hot topic lately. He admitted that the stress of our busy life has him wanting to spend every moment available with me because I am what comforts him and our family what makes the long hours and sleepless nights worth it. This conversation went on for a good 45 minutes and we laughed and cried in a way that we really hadn’t had time to do in a few months.
As I said, this isn’t my first rodeo, and I have dated many different types of men. Never in my life had I noticed “signs” surrounding an event or person and certainly not anything evident pointing me in a general direction or confirming the path I was on. Never until I met this one. Since the very first date, we have been best friends and truly in love, with this month closing the chapter on another anniversary to a relatively young union. I have never believed anyone to benefit me or be my “better half” until him. He is genuine and kind, beautiful and talented. He compliments me perfectly. As a blessing and an early relationship earthquake, we were given the news of my pregnancy with our son. He could not have been more wonderful with this shock and surprised me every day with how amazing he was during and after my pregnancy.
Did I already mention my life was dramatic? 😉
My boyfriend’s reactions are what he needs to be mindful of, not his overall personality or soul. Apparently, he has every intention to prove that he is in total agreement and will not let his insecurity get the best of him and us. He has no objection to talking with s omeone, but I simply think we need to take a moment for these heart to heart talks and moments alone together, like we used to before baby + 4 year old. Lack of communication can make someone who is already stressed or feeling unattractive without an outlet and I know and love this man. He is anything but a psycho or mental case and has been an absolute dream to me and our children, despite his fairly recent, justifiable less than confident self. After hearing how many suggested to walk or run, for that matter, I had to (in my heart) reiterate my absolute love and devotion to this man. Considering my past relationships or not, he is a saint. Human, still, and with imperfections but the most amazing person I have known. He has his reasons for feeling low about what he is offering up on the table for now and has made every change necessary to get back on the financial/automotive/physical track. I really didn’t need advice as to if I should stick or stray, but more how I could help him to see how much he means to me and lose his concerns. It looks like, naturally, we have found what we have been missing…eachother.
Thanks for the feedback, ladies! I truly more than appreciate all of your insight and helpful stories. 🙂