Post # 62
After reading many of your posts I can see why your daughter finds you offputting…I think you should really pay attention to what polyblonde has said.
Please let me make a list of things that do NOT entitle you to a relationship with your daughter:
- She ordered chicken or steak for dinner
- You tried to work it out with your ex-wife for 12 years
- You didn’t date anyone after your wife
- You are a US veteran
These are all nice in their own way, but they are not going to be good enough reasons for someone to have a relationship with someone else. You seem like you really want to make amends with your daughter, but it seems like there are some things you need to learn about relationships before you can develop one with your daughter.
Maybe you should have shared the letter with the Bee’s before you sent it as personally I am nervous about what you could possibly have written…
Post # 63
@a10a9204: You have pretty much ignored almost everything anyone here has said except the one person who supports your idea of showing up to the wedding unannounced. You seem to not be interested in changing up your behavior, but instead want to continue doing in YOUR mind what “should” make your daughter want you back in her life. I am not sure why continuing to do the same things over again that have already failed to fix the relationship would make you expect any sort of different result.
I would be very upset if someone sent a stranger or any uninvited guest to take unsolicited pictures of me at an important and private event such as my wedding. In fact, in some jurisdictions this would start laying the ground work for a stalking claim.
Is sending someone to take pictures really loving this girl? Is that a way to show her you care about HER? Or is that also about you, because you want the good feelings associated with being involved in your daughters wedding?
What facts and events motivated a judge to take away your custodial rights and leave you with visitation only? What facts and events let to your daughter not wanting her own father at her wedding? I suppose its possible, but it seems unlikely to me your ex is persuasively gifted enough to convince both your daughter AND a judge you have little to no place in your daughter’s life. I would approach this by working on what happened in the past to cause your daughter’s reactions and stop trying to insert yourself into her wedding. However, given the way you have really ignored the main points of most of our posts, maybe you have ignored her too when she has tried to tell you what her problems with you are? Maybe try listening (or recalling past conversations with her)? I apologize if I seem harsh, it’s tough ‘love,’ I promise.
You aren’t putting her first. Expressing kind feelings in a letter is a good start, but please don’t ignore reality and disrupt her wedding. You won’t ever get her back into your life that way.
Post # 64
I AM not going. I have said this. I AGREE that it would be bad. I wrote my note and it is on its way. Time will heal this, as I pray
Post # 65
@a10a9204: Hello Pete, I wonder if you might would consider sharing what the ‘trigger’ was to your daughters decision to discontinue her relationship with you?? I think that this information might help some of the ladies here to offer you some more wonderful advice about ways of dealing with this for yourself and your daughter in the future.
Post # 66
She was 17, Graduating HS, was involved with her man, and was wanting to spread her wings in life.
I showed the letter to a good friend here who is divorced and she said she would read it. 5 min later she comes to my office in tears and said it was the most heart felt letter that she had ever read from a Father.
I will have to let my daughter read it come thursday. this is all I can do at this point. You never know she could call and say please be there. I do not hold my breath.
Post # 67
Since we don’t know your daughter’s side of the story here, I’m going to go ahead and give you the benefit of the doubt.
I think you’ve done all that you can, and I really wish you the best. I think that your daughter is very young, and some allowances need to be made for that. I thought I knew everything at 19 as well, but with time have realized how stupid, rash, and hurtful a lot of my actions were. Hopefully with time, your daughter will get to that place, too. Just make sure that you’re there for her when that time comes.
i wish you the best, Pete. Given the success rate of teen marriages, chances are good that there will be a second wedding for you to attend in the future.
Post # 68
Well I did stay here in NJ instead of going to RI. I never heard a word. I spent the day doing my hobby outside. Flying RC planes
Post # 69
I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for the situation you’ve found yourself in, my Fiance has little to no relationship with his parents and while I understand his desire to not have them in his life let alone his wedding I know it would hurt me terribly to be excluded from one of the biggest days of my child’s life, you seem genuinely concerned with your daughters well being and happiness, I hope you both can work things out and rebuild a relationship, best of luck!
Post # 70
@a10a9204: Hi Pete, did she get a chance to read your letter, do you think? I’m sorry she didn’t call but that doesn’t mean she never will. I think it’s a good thing that you’re keeping busy today. I’m sorry you didn’t get to attend her wedding, but I hope that you two will be able to have a good relationship later down the line.