(Closed) broken-hearted girl after engagement call off

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@broken.hearted12: 

I’m so sorry you are going through this.  I honestly would not wait for him to “change” his mind it may not even happen.  Someone who isn’t man enough to come to you instead of your family does not deserve your time.  Someone who is not man enough to allow his family to make decisions for him does not deserve you’re time either.  I can’t imagine the pain you must be going through right know, but know that it will get better.

Post # 4
Member
418 posts
Helper bee

I’m so sorry that he called off your engagement. If this is still a fresh incident, I would give yourself a couple of weeks to process the information. Don’t contact him and let him evaluate the situation on his own. Then, when you feel you’ve digested the events, send him a light, friendly e-mail and attempt to discuss your situation over coffee in public. This will prevent you both from having a heated argument, but will also hopefully allow you to air your grievances and take a fresh step forward.

Good luck! I hope everything works out for the best!

Post # 5
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am so sorry! Time heals all, I promise. I’ve been through something similar, and after I gave myself some time to get over it I was able to see the bigger picture and realize that if he didn’t have a better reason to call it off then he just wasn’t worth it. I don’t know your situation very well, but be strong. I understand you probably need closure, as I did. After you get closure, then occupy yourself so that you take your mind off of it. If it is meant to work out, then he will come back and realize that he’s the one missing out. I wish you the very best!

Post # 5
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am so sorry! Time heals all, I promise. I’ve been through something similar, and after I gave myself some time to get over it I was able to see the bigger picture and realize that if he didn’t have a better reason to call it off then he just wasn’t worth it. I don’t know your situation very well, but be strong. I understand you probably need closure, as I did. After you get closure, then occupy yourself so that you take your mind off of it. If it is meant to work out, then he will come back and realize that he’s the one missing out. I wish you the very best!

Post # 6
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m so sorry to hear that. Sounds like his family is involved too much. He felt the pressure so called it off, I think mainly because of them, not solely him. He’s obviously not man enough. Don’t wait for him. But my gut feeling is he needs time to think and he’ll probably be calling you. He just couldnt’ handle pressure. Sorry you are going through this. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!

Post # 7
Member
1431 posts
Bumble bee

I’m so sorry your going through this. Honestly, he doesn’t deserve you and you should move on. If he doesn’t even have the decency to tell you in person what he is feeling and has to have his mom call (seriously?!) he is no where close to being ready to be a loving supportive husband. You deserved way more than that. 

Post # 8
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

I am so sorry for all of this. This happened to one of my best friends, they dated for almost 5 years and then he called of the wedding. Families can add so much pressure, but in my opinion, if he cant handle the pressure to what is supposed to be one of the happiest time of his life, then what will happen if you as a couple hit a rough patch? Will he be there for you during this time? 

I know it is a lot to process and to take in esp since he did not tell you himself, give yourself a break and be pampered you deserve a little me time 🙂

Post # 10
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

I do think it applies if she always sides with him !!

Post # 11
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I tell my mom almost everything (which my Fiance isn’t always happy about), but if she has advice for me, I take it or leave it based on my own feelings and decisions. If he’s following what his mom tells him without any sort of argument, and picking her 100% over you, (which it seems like he has) then yeah it’s a little unnatural.

BUT, it is difficult to be put in the position where you have to pick your future spouse over your family. I love my Fiance, but if my family were ready to abandon me over him, there is the possibility that I would have stuck with my family (that sounds harsh, but even as an adult I believe my family knows whats best for me). His mom may be being ridiculous, or she may have a point, or she may be threatening to never speak with him again, or she may have absolutely nothing to do with it and he’s just using it as an “understandable” excuse to get out of his commitment to you. As long as he’s not talking to you, you won’t know.

I say give it a couple weeks, give him his space. Realize that during this time, he may be moving on as well. At the end of those weeks, get in contact with him again, and ask where he’s at and what’s going on. Maybe he really does just need time to think… it’s rare, but it happens.

*hugs!*

Post # 12
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@broken.hearted12:  Oh yeah.  My Fiance did that and one time his mother got in the middle of it and chased me around screaming in French.  I told him that was the only time that would ever happen to me or I would walk.  That is a definite boundary that need not be crossed.  Most of the time parent sides with child.  How is that fair to your relationship?

Post # 13
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

 

@broken.hearted12:  Im so sorry this happened to you. Well regarding whether the guy/gal tells mum everything about your relationship it really depends on personalities. Im very private, my mum is late but i can swear i wouldnt tell her everything about my relationship, about my marriage unless i need her advice.

 

The same goes to galfriends and cousins, they only know bits and pieces of us. On the other hand my bf is open and (doesnt tell his mom) but his friends about us, alot sometimes it gets on me but well thats who he is. But he knows how i feel about certain thingsand he avoids telling friends about these which helps.

I know its hard right now, but if you stay positive, dont blame, either yourself, him or his mom, the pain will eventually fade, and happiness come in.

Post # 14
Hostess
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow. I’m sorry. I’m sure there’s nothing who can say, but anyone who has their mommy break off their engagement truly is someone who is not mature enough to get married. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but you deserve someone who loves, respects, and is PROUD to be with such an amazing girl standing next to him. 

Post # 15
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

HE is in his thirties and his MOM called to break it off? 

You poor dear.  That is absurd! Why is she involved in your relationship in any way? I’m so sorry. But i would not wait around for him.  He made a cowardly decision and you deserve a man stronger than that. 

Best of luck. 

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