Post # 1
Member
14 posts
Newbee
Hi ladies
I have lurked on the Weddingbee for a couple of months now as I am planning my own wedding but it is my first time posting and it’s not a very positive first post. My Fiance proposed to me in December 2016 and we had planned our wedding for March this year but due to some unforseen circumstances we’ve had to move our wedding to January 2019. My Fiance is currently serving time for possession of drugs and won’t be out until next month. When my Fiance went to jail, I moved out of my mom’s house and moved in with FI’s parents and his 38 year old uncle since my mom kept nagging me to call off the engagement and leave my Fiance which I absolutely had no intention of doing.
Fiance (21 yo) and I (19 yo) had a great relationship before he went to jail, he was loving, kind and the best partner any girl could ask for. Things started to fall apart soon before he went to jail and he started getting into heavy drugs and we would continuously argue about his drug use. When Fiance was charged and had to serve time, I was an emotional wreck and became very depressed but thanks to my FI’s parents and his uncle’s support I was able to feel a little better and they had opened up their home to me.
As time went by, I was getting closer to his uncle and I felt like I could tell him anything. He was so caring and always was a good shoulder to lean on when I was feeling down about our situation. One night, we were having a few drinks and watching TV and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. Since then, we have slept together nearly everyday and gone out on dates and his uncle would refer to me as his girlfriend. FI’s parents have no idea what is going on and we both thought it’s best that we not tell them anything yet.
Last week I was feeling a bit sick and I hadn’t gotten my period so I took a pregnancy test and lo and behold I am pregnant. I went to my doctor and he confirmed that I was 5 weeks pregnant. I really don’t know how I feel about it, I’ve always wanted a baby but I feel like this isn’t the right time and situation to bring a child into and I have no idea what I am going to say to my Fiance or his parents… I have told FI’s uncle that I am pregnant and he is over the moon and says that we will work it out and he can’t wait to be a father but I don’t know if that’s what I truly want because I think I still love my FI?
I am an emotional wreck right now and could really use some advice about what I should do and some comforting words.
Post # 2
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
If you still love your Fiance, what are you doing dating and sleeping with his uncle?
Post # 3
Member
8381 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I hope this a troll post, because only a spectacularly horrible girlfriend would do this =\
Post # 4
Member
14 posts
Newbee
des- : I honestly don’t know… I think I still love my Fiance but after everything we’ve been through I don’t know if I want to continue the relationship.
jellybellynelly : No unfortunately this is not a troll post. And yes I do feel horrible about it but what’s done is done and now I am looking for some advice.
Post # 5
Member
836 posts
Busy bee
Why on God’s green earth would you put yourself in this type of situaion? You know once you tell your Fiance he’s not going to be happy about it. I feel he’s probably going to call the wedding off
Post # 7
Member
3457 posts
Sugar bee
On the off chance this is real: Some people may not like hearing this, but my number one piece of advice is to go to Planned Parenthood and get an abortion. You are very young, you likely do not have a job that can afford a child, your Fiance is in prison, and you are cheating on him with one of his much older family members. It doesn’t appear that you know about or used birth control (??) as you didn’t mention anything about it. This has DISASTER written all over it. You have your entire life to have a baby. Don’t ruin your life by making this terrible situation even worse.
Next, break up with you Fiance and the uncle. Don’t see them. Take some time to figure out who you are. Frankly 19 is way way too young to get married no matter what, and especially with this train wreck of a situation.
Seriously sweetie. Your whole future is stretched out in front of you, and it can either be great or go very badly. This is a crucial moment. Make the smart move here. Not the one where you have a baby or you get married to a drug addict felon. Be strong and do your future self a favor!! And for the love of god, use birth control from now on.
Post # 8
Member
14 posts
Newbee
owls : I know what I have done is wrong but I was in a very fragile state of mind when this happened. I was craving the affection and comfort from someone and what’s done is done. What I need is advice about what to do if you were in my situation.
msmdp2017 : If you are not going to contribute anything constructive then please go away. I do not appreciate being accused of lying during this difficult time.
Post # 9
Member
14 posts
Newbee
KittyYogi : Thanks for the advice. We did use contraception most of the time but I suppose there were a few slip ups. I so not regret getting pregnant and I would never have an abortion as that’s what I believe in. I do want a father figure in my child’s life, I suppose the question is whether that figure should be my Fiance or his uncle.
Post # 10
Member
5020 posts
Bee Keeper
Pregnancy or not you should fully remove yourself from this family all together. They are bad news.
I can’t fathom why you are still pretending to be engaged with a wedding date set. The Uncle, who is 19 years your senior is a selfish and gross individual who took advantage of you when you were vulnerable and in need of support.
You (ex) Fiance has a criminal record and history of illegal drug use.
I’m not sure how either option could lead to a happy, loving and full-filling future.
Post # 11
Member
13749 posts
Honey Beekeeper
sadandconfusedbride :
Far fetched, but life can be as messed up as fiction:
“I’ve always wanted a baby but I feel like this isn’t the right time and situation to bring a child into…”
This is an understatement.
“and I have no idea what I am going to say to my Fiance or his parents…”
“Goodbye.”
Post # 12
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
The uncle is bad news for sure. Your “fiancé” is also bad news. Give this baby up for adoption, get out of this family and never look back.
Post # 13
Member
5020 posts
Bee Keeper
“I do want a father figure in my child’s life, I suppose the question is whether that figure should be my Fiance or his uncle.”
I am going to guess that you do not have congenital visits with Fiance and creepy Uncle already knows of the pregnancy so there is no question about who the father is.
Why would Fiance even be willing to father a child that is not his, but his Uncles and with a woman who had an affair on him?
How will the entire family react when they learn the truth? Do you expect to be welcomed with open arms?
I am not normally for abortion but in this situation I do think you should consider your options including adoption. I don’t think either man is qualified to be a good father in any way. This is an awful and unfair predicament to bring a child into.
Post # 14
Member
4543 posts
Honey bee
Things you should do/what I would do, sorry if this is harsh:
1. Move out of that house ASAP
2. Break up with Fiance who has serious issues
3. Break up with old Unc
3. Get an abortion
4. Never look back
Post # 15
Member
4960 posts
Honey bee
Beg your parents to let you move back home, come to terms with the fact that they were right and someone who moves out because their parents are nags clearly is not mature enough to handle marriage or any grown-up situation on their own yet because you pretty much just proved them right, get yourself out of this toxic situation, and get yourself some counseling to go over your options and decide whether you should keep this baby or raise it on your own.
That doesn’t mean your child will be without a father, should you keep it. It just means you will be without a very poorly thought out relationship with the father because creating a relationship with the man you cheated with who is related to your whatever the hell the jailbird is to you now is stupid.