(Closed) Broken, lost and confused!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
22 posts
Newbee

I’m sorry but if you were my child’s fiancée in this situation I would expect you to make other living arrangements.

Your profile says you’re in Australia, correct? And you’re working on your Cert III, IV or diploma in Early Childhood Education? You can actually work in childcare while you’re working towards your certification. A good centre will do as much as they can to help you complete your certification, and make concessions for your pregnancy. Even if they want you to come in just to cover lunch shifts, that’s a bit of money in your pocket.

Are you studying full time? If you are, since you’re under 25 you’re eligible for Youth Allowance through Centrelink. You can also look into crisis payments and special benefits to get you on your feet. You can also talk to social workers through Centrelink for short term counseling and referrals to other services. You have options.

This information is assuming that you are, in fact, in Australia and not just getting married here.

Post # 63
Member
2221 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

View original reply
sadandconfusedbride :  ok so you’re not up for adoption or abortion. Fine, but try and find some young single mums. Ask then how many hours hey work, how many jobs, ask them the last time they treated themselves to something just for them, ask them when the last time they didn’t worry about money was, ask about how much support from their families they have. You need to go into this with your eyes open. You don’t have support from your family so his is instantly so much harder. You only have a limited time with your (ex) FI’s parents – sorry they will not allow you to continue living with them after you cheated on their son. I get that you’re relying on old pervy uncle here but this isn’t his house. He’s a 39 year old man, who is able to live on his own (finances or whatever) and instead lives with his sibling and their now-adult family. This guy isn’t going to be able to support you. He’s not going to be able to offer you a place to stay. He will likely be kicked out too. So in a few months, you will be homeless and you have no job. You have no support network, so where are you going to live? Where is the money going to come from? How are you going to pay for medical expenses? You need to work all this out BEFORE you outright discount adoption or abortion. The comments about living in a trailer are not snide – most likely they are new reality. You have no job, you hope to work in child care which is an underpaid field, you have no home. You will be lucky if you can work two jobs barely see your kid and just about afford to live in a trailer. That’s not snide, it’s trying to prepare you for what your life is going to become.

Next, as the others have said (ex) Fiance is likely not going to want anything to do with you. FI’s parents are unlikely to want anything to do with you. More to the point, Fiance and FI’s parents are unlikely to want anything to do with old pervy uncle. They will make him pick between them and you. Don’t be surprised when he picks them. Old pervy uncle is not a great man. He knew full well that you were engaged to his nephew. His nephew that I’m assuming he’s relatively close to considering hey lived together. And still he made a move on you, someone who was clearly confused and impressionable. He’s a creep. Decent men don’t not make moves on women that are scared, confused, impressionable and half their age. Decent men don’t sleep with their nephew’s fiancée. Decent men don’t continue an affair with their nephew’s fiancée. Decent men by the age of 39 can live on their own. This guy is not going to support you. You red to leave him well alone.

If you continue with this pregnancy and keep this child, you will be alone. You will have no support. Not from your family, not from Fiance, his family or the uncle. You will learn the value of money through the hardest lesson possible – by struggling to put food on the table and a roof over your head. Your car will always likely be on the brink of collapse. You won’t be able to afford to save for your child to go to college. Your kid will likely have to get a job at 16 to help with the cost of living. You will have no savings. The car breaking, the shower breaking will all be a nightmare for you and cause you sleepless nights. You likely will work odd hours and have to rely on someone (although who I don’t know) to watch your child because daycare costs will be crippling. You need to acknowledge your new reality and go into this with your eyes wide open. On the other side, you’ll be stronger than you ever thought possible but the journey there will be pure hell. At the minute all you’re doing is sugarcoating it, which will just make you bitter when life doesn’t go to your plan.

Post # 66
Member
3339 posts
Sugar bee

 

Luckily, OP is still able to plan her wedding during this trying time:

 

How long do you really need to plan a wedding?

I am hoping we can do it in less than one year as our wedding is planned for January 2019 but we won’t start planning and making bookings until late Feb. 

————————————————————————————————

2019 Bees?

My wedding is in January 2019 and I won’t be able to start planning until next month. I have a few ideas and have been saving a few wedding related things on Pinterest so hopefully the planning process won’t be too difficult.

Post # 68
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

1.  Break up with your Fiancee.  You do not marry a man who does drugs.  Do not speak with the uncle or that family ever again. 

2.  Move back in with your mom.

3.  Have the baby and place it for adoption.

4.  Get an education and find better people to hang out with. 

You are 19 years old and you do not need a man, you need a life for yourself.  Go make you the best person you can be, then start a relationship when you are older, wiser and you do not date people who do drugs.  You can do so much better.  Fix your mistakes and move on with your life.  Best wishes. 

Post # 69
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
sadandconfusedbride :  Do you want to be with a divorced man near twice your age who gets his nephew’s 19 year old girlfiend drunk to have sex with her?   What kind of husband and father will this man be?   You do not want that.  He is already a disaster. 

Have higher standards for yourself.  You do not need a man in your life right not.  Not a drug felon, not his misbehaving uncle either.   

Post # 70
Member
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Your FI’s uncle / boyfriend got divorced 8 months ago? Hon, there is no way he is going to settle down with a random chick he just met and a brand new baby right now. 

As others have said, YOU NEED TO PLAN TO RAISE THIS BABY ALONE. It would be eminently foolish to assume that creepy uncle is going to stick around. 

How are you going to afford this? Do you know that just going to a hospital and having a baby (in the US) costs about $10,000 – if nothing goes wrong?

Get smart here girl. ASAP. 

Post # 71
Member
10486 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Move home with your parents. Get your education and career on track and raise your child with your parents.

Do not date anyone. Learn to stand on your own two feet without a man.

Post # 72
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
slomotion :  Don’t forget to warn her about the dangers of cool ranch doritos…that’s definitely above all.

Post # 73
Member
651 posts
Busy bee

This sounds like some backwoods sorta stuff. 

I am not sure why you even question on WHO will play the daddy-o? Because unless your Fiance is lacking common math skills (and female anatomy)…  you can’t pull that off. Plus guys RARELY want the responsibilty of a child at 19/20 (although I can say my dad stepped up at that age but wasn’t someone to play with drugs). So he would unlikely step up for your uncle. 

Post # 74
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

Ok, I read your whole thread.  Here’s what you don’t understand:  The uncle is going to tell you whatever you want to hear, and play you for as long as possible so he can keep getting laid.  He’s getting 19-year old booty, he’s living for free at a relatives, getting drunk, having sex and goind on dates.  He’s going to string you along until he gets tired of you and then you are going to be left alone with a baby and in a position where nobody wants you.

You need to get out of that house and stop having sex with the uncle, immediately.  You should go back to your parents.  If you are unwilling to go to your parents, you need to find a pro-life church group that helps pregnant moms, and take whatever help you can there.  Get a job.  You must stay away from men.  

If you keep bouncing from man to man, you and your child will end up abused.  You have to grow up and make a plan for your life that does not depend on a man to rescue you.  Predators look for the young and weak, and you are very young and very weak right now. 

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