(Closed) Broken, lost and confused!

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 76
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Do you think your “FI’s” parents are going to keep letting you live with them once they hear your pregnant with their brother’s baby? I assume they will be kicking you and their brother out before your Fiance gets out of jail. You need to move in with your mom and raise the baby on your own if you insist on keeping it. Dating makes things even more complicated right now and you can’t choose who the dad is, so that’s not even a real question. The uncle is the father whether or not you like it. It’s time to put on your big girl panties and learn to be independent and start reading some parenting books if this is the road you’re choosing. 

Post # 77
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

You have made many mistakes, and decisions, but, it doesn’t mean you need to continue down that path.  First off, I think you are young and immature.  The uncle took advantage of that.  What did your Fiance go to jail for?  I am not sure if I would stick by someone who committed a crime serious enought to go go prison.  

You  need to start thinking like an adult.  Tell everyone the truth, and deal with the consequences.  If you are not stable enough to bring a child into your life.  Start researching adoption.  The truth is always the best in situations like this.  Good Luck!

Post # 78
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Please, whatever you do, do NOT keep this baby. if you need to put it up for adoption, then so be it. You are not fit to be a mother and neither the uncle or your Fiance are fit to be fathers. Please do not subject your child to a life of misery due to your selfishness!

Post # 79
Member
703 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oh for fuck’s sake. 

Post # 80
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee

Not financially stable at that to move out on your own… but hey… “I don’t believe in adoption or abortion”. 

How can you afford a child? Even with the career you are pursuing, I would assume its not enough at ALL. This type of stuff lands in the hands of welfare.

Post # 81
Member
703 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

So…catching up after reading everything.

So, you are against abortion? Ok, that’s a legit choice. But the time to have morals would have been before you fucked your FI’s uncle. Vulnerable or not, shit…that’s no excuse. Eat some damn ice cream and watch a chick flick. 

BUT, since that ships has already crashed and sunk into the bottom of the trailer park pond, you need to move back in with your parents, get a job, and forget these people. The uncle is pretty much a child predator, the Fiance will come out of prison still a drug head (and will have learned more creative ways to hide it), and if he is any kind of man, he won’t give you the time of day. What you did was pretty fucking inexcusable. 

If you are hellbent on keeping this baby, you need to lean on YOUR family and forget you knew these people. And yes, you can get a job now. Millions of people work and go to school at the same time. And millions of pregnant women work. Hell, I worked until lunch the day I had my son. 

 

Post # 83
Member
11771 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

sadandconfusedbride : ” I spoke to my mother on the phone today and I ended up telling her everything… She is very upset with me but is open to the idea of me moving back in with her. I was surprised because she does not want me to get an abortion and wants me to try and pursue a relationship with FI’s uncle and eventually marry him because in her words “at least he has a full time job and will be able to support the baby”. 

No rational parent would give you that advice, if any of this is true. Telling you to pursue a relationship with the uncle is pure insanity and in the opposite of your best interests. 

What she does seem to understand is that you are not capable of supporting a child on your own, even if you were to get a job in a field that is By The Way notorious for paying a minimum or very low wage. She’s telling you that her main priority is that you are not a long term burden on her and that she hopes your stay at home will be a temporary one. Your interests and hers are not aligned. 

Are you seriously as of a few hours ago still posting about your Pinterest wedding to FI? If you are for real that would be the very last thing on your mind. Or should be.

Post # 84
Member
1118 posts
Bumble bee

I’m confused. Who are you planning this wedding for?

Do you intend to marry your 21 year old “FI” who is in jail, or marry his 38 year old uncle?

You said the Fiance went to jail for heavy drugs. That sounds like he wasn’t smoking pot, he was using hard drugs or dealing drugs. Why on earth do you want to marry someone on hard drugs, or someone who deals drugs? That’s not a stable career choice!

Have you considered that once your Fiance learns you are pregnant (by his uncle, no less), he will no longer wish to marry you? He will probably no longer wish to ever see your face again…

Have you considered once your FI’s parents learn you are pregnant, they will throw you out?

Have you considered once the baby’s parentage is known, the uncle will no longer be willing to secretly date you, because he doesn’t want to completely nuke his relationship with his own family? (Although I think that ship has sailed.)

You don’t believe in abortion, and you don’t believe in adoption. You don’t want to rely on your abusive family of origin. So what do you plan to do?

My advice is tell the truth to your Fiance, and end the relationship/or get dumped immediately, whichever happens first. Get off Pinterest wedding boards, and make plans on how you will make money, live, and support a baby on your own.

Or I suppose you and the uncle could go public with your relationship, move out and get a place together, and see how you two handle a longterm relationship and parenthood?

Post # 85
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

sadandconfusedbride :  ok. You’re in denial. The reality of being pregnant with your ex boyfriend’s cousin hasn’t hit you yet. You probably wish you were pregnant with your ex boyfriend’s baby! You guys were in love once upon a time and he was a kind partner and if you’d gotten married when you’d originally planned to this pregnancy would probably be a happy, joyous celebration for the two of you.

Honey, that ship has sailed. It really has. There will never be a way for you to be with your ex boyfriend again. You have 6 pages of women telling you this. Your mom immediately jumped to the same conclusion. Anyone you ask or talk to…in fact, you know what? Go on over to Reddit’s r/askmen and post your story. Maybe they’ll be able to help you come back to reality and out of the fantasy that you’ve built in your head. 

 

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