- 10 years ago
I’ve read several posts about this..the broken engagement. I figured I need an anonymous outlet to start to let go of the guilt, and simply vent. I ended my engagement to a wonderful guy about 2 weeks ago. He had nothing to do with it.
I’ve been traveling abroad for the last few months, trying to make a career change. We got engaged before I took off. He has supported me through all, never making me feel bad about my lack of direction, or trying to hold me back. My family love him, his family loves (or loved) me. He was kind to my friends, and introduced me to his right away. He wanted a beautiful life for the two of us, and he worked hard for it. He just wanted me to be happy.
However, I never wanted to be intimate. I no longer felt the butterflies in my stomach, or like a friend of mine calls it, the “I wanna do you right here, right now” feeling. I thought at first it was due to our very demanding jobs. Or that we’ve lived together for some time. Maybe the routine. But our life otherwise was picture perfect. We got along great, made eachother laugh, we were true partners. That’s why it took me so long to say good-bye. Because I love him, I really do. He’s the most amazing man I’ve ever met, I just have no desire of intimacy or physical attraction to him. After taking some time apart for my travel, I’ve come to terms with the fact that the situation wasn’t normal. And, he deserves better. He deserves someone who is crazy hot for him, who after not seeing him for a few days feels their stomach turn when they reunite. We, well..we were just great friends.
I miss him terribly, but more than anything I feel awful for the pain I am causing him. For not seeing the issue sooner, and ended things earlier. I guess, for wasting his time. Even though, I don’t regret any of it, and I was honest all the way. I loved and cared for him, I was there for him, and he was there for me.
I know I did the right thing. There is no way he should be married to someone who is not attracted to him in that sense. I could not let him fall into that trap, and then get a divorce. Regardless, I am a mess. I can’t concentrate, I don’t feel like doing anything, and I am overwhelmed with everything that comes next: arriving back in the US, packing my things our of his apartment, putting everything in storage, finding a job, a place to live. Moving on.
I hope with time he sees that this was the right thing to do, and he finds a wonderful woman who he’ll be proud to call his wife. Someone who gives him everything he deserves, and more.