Broken Promise

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

jaimegurl88 :  I’m not sure what your financial situation looks like, but if it’s possible I’d tell him you two were headed down to the jewelery store and paying off the ring together and just get engaged. If he’s not willing to do that, or you find out there is no ring that he’s supposedly paying off, you leave.

I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriages, I would hold off on trying again until you figure out where your relationship is headed.

Post # 3
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

I wouldn’t head down to the jewelry store and force anyone to marry me, let alone this guy.  Based on everything you’ve said, I’d be out of there.  Hard to find another apartment?  So.  This is hard too, yet you’re surviving it.  Make it happen.

 And while I’m sorry for your losses, for Pete’s sake, please start using protection.  Why would you bring another child into this world of uncertainty with you?  Hate to sound harsh, and really do wish you the best.  

Post # 4
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

Also, I’m curious- how long has he supposedly been paying this ring off and how long has it been since you’ve moved in with him? 

Post # 5
Member
383 posts
Helper bee

I would leave and cut my losses. He is just making excuses because he doesn’t want to marry you. Also, don’t have a child with this man. It won’t suddenly make him marry you and it will only make leaving more complicated, as well as dragging another person into this complex situation.

Post # 6
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

This is an unfortunate situation.  There aren’t a lot of good choices to be had.  I am so very sorry for your pregnancy losses.  That grief may be affecting him, too.  I agree with PP, please consider waiting before trying again. 

I would love to tell you just to leave, but I know it isn’t that simple.  You will be disrupting your daughter’s life, again, and disrupting the lives of four other children.  That isn’t reason enough to stay, if that is the only thing keeping you, but it is something to consider.

 

Post # 7
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

cart :  She wont be forcing him into anything, if he doesn’t want to marry her he’ll give her some bull shit excuse about how he doesn’t want her paying for her own ring. Money could very well be an issue for him, he has FOUR kids to take care of, so $2500 could be  a lot of money to him. With such limited info that she’s given you’re pretty quick to immediately say to dump him (and it’s never that easy), but that’s pretty typical here.

Post # 8
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

But staying is teaching her daughter that they are at the mercy of another person.  They are not.  OP gets to call her own shots here.  To me, this would be a teachable moment, for the kids AND for the OP.  What she does next (and yes, hopefully with the best interest of her child in mind) will be very telling.  

That said, maybe it’s not so obvious, so I’ll reiterate what I think that last post was trying to say, since I completely agree…..kids need stability.  Please keep that in mind going forward. .  westtexasrev1 :  

Post # 9
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

First off, I would make sure I was on a very reliable form of birth control. As hard as it would be to have to find another place to live, you have to have some respect for yourself. I bet if you told him that you weren’t moving in until you were engaged, he would have proposed ASAP! He’s not proposing because he got what he wanted: a live in girlfriend who can take care of the kids, cook, etc.

Post # 10
Member
6097 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

This sounds frustrating and upsetting, OP. I’m sorry for your pregnancy losses- that’s hard on a body and an emotional system.

To be perfectly, frank, though- why are you allowing yourself to get pregnant by a man who has not followed through on his promise to get engaged? That is not wise and doesn’t impart to him the importance of engagement and marriage to you.

Good luck. I’d start looking for a place for myself and my daughter, in your place. Even having a roommate (maybe another mom and a child?) would be better than taking care of 4 children for a man who hasn’t followed through on his word. If you wanted to be a maid or a babysitter, you could do that and get paid for it.

Post # 11
Member
6540 posts
Bee Keeper

Reliable birth control, stat.

So your BOYFRIEND scored a live-in nanny, bookkeeper, probably cook and housekeeper, and sexual partner and you and your daughter get…

You are not stuck. You have options. What choice would you want your adult daughter to make?

If you deeply love him AND his children you can tell him you’ve lost trust in him, he has a week to seal the deal AND set a wedding date or you are moving out. If you’re not sure anymore just start packing your things and looking for a place to live. A man who wants to marry you will move mountains to make it happen. 

Post # 12
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee

TwilightRarity :  agreed. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

OP, I understand that you moved in with the agreement that your bf would propose soon and I don’t fault you for that. Even though I personally would have waited until he proposed just to make sure for my kid’s sake, I can understand why you moved in. You trusted him and he talked a good game. 

Where you lost me, like other PPs, is when you said you have had a couple miscarriages. I’m so sorry for your losses and I don’t mean to pile on, but I can’t wrap my head around why you took pause about uprooting your child’s life to move in with your Boyfriend or Best Friend and yet thought nothing of potentially bringing another child into this world with him, especially after he failed spectacularly to commit to you. 

I say this with the best intentions: stop being irresponsible. Put your child first for real. Double up on protection. You would be a fool to have this man’s baby. 

Have a heart to heart with him, one last chance for him. Tell him you want to go to the courthouse. With all those kids to take care of, you can get a ring later and do the big party another time. If he says anything other than yes, you’re going to have a decision to make. 

Post # 14
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

You’re only stuck if you let yourself.

Post # 15
Member
755 posts
Busy bee

BIRTH CONTROL?! Try abstinence. If someone is breaking promises they don’t get any nooky! You can get out of this. Also by the sounds of it even if he buck up does propose, you may not have the means to support another child if he’s struggling to pay off a small amount for a ring. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors