Broken Promise

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 19
Member
3931 posts
Honey bee

You’re not “stuck”. You just think you are. All you need is some courage.

Post # 20
Member
225 posts
Helper bee

Okay so I’m gonna say I think it’s really inappropriate that people are commenting on your birth control or lack there of situation because you just had two miscarriages and that’s really sensitive. I’m sorry people feel like they can talk to you about that. Secondly, I think you should sit down (without the kids if you can) and have a serious discussion about the fact that you gave up so much and aren’t getting very much in return while he gained a lot without compromising anything. I understand that some men feel rings aren’t a priority and maybe money is an issue because you guys do have children already but that doesn’t mean he can’t make the commitment.

Post # 21
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

I’m very sorry for your losses, OP.

I have to agree with the other bees that you should be on a reliable form of birth control. I love my Skyla IUD. You already have 5 children between the two of you. Your bf can’t afford a ring (or so he claims), so how could he afford another child? Also, 4 stepchildren is a lot to take on.

You’re not a cow who gave up her milk for free. You are not stuck. Do you really want to be married to a man who doesn’t keep promises? Even if you had waited for a ring before moving in, do you think he would have ultimately married you, or kept stalling? 

Take this as a preview of what married life would be like to this man. You’re lucky he showed his true colors before you tied yourself to him legally. If he breaks one promise, he will break more. Not just to you, but to the children, and you’ll be the one dealing with the aftermath.

I say get out now, before the stepchildren get more attached to you and vice versa. I also think you need to rethink what it means to be a wife. This isn’t about wife benefits vs gf status. Being a “wife” as opposed to a “girlfriend” doesn’t magically justify your being his maid, nanny, cook, and source of sex. You’re not a servant hoping to get promoted to “wife”. 

Post # 22
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

jaimegurl88 :  Clearly I can read and know its been at least 7 months since he talked about getting engaged by your bday , but when did you move in together? You’ve had two miscarreges since then? It sounds like a lot has happened with that, and you’ve also left out a lot of details so thats why I am asking, so I can give better advice then “leave him” jesus, bmqaybe youre the unreasonable one here.

Post # 24
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

Another angle on this is this is not a healthy situation for any of the five children involved. Children need stability and certainty. I think you need to sit down and discuss what commitment level you are at. If you want marriage, you need for him to set a firm date now. If he can’t do that, move out. I hate to say this but I have seen divorced men use their girlfriends as babysitters whether they are living together or separately. They may care but they will not make a lasting commitment. Also, taking on four stepchildren is a HUGE RESPONSIBILITY. Is their mother in the picture? I am sure you would be said if you broke up, but you and your daughter might actually be way happier living elsewhere and being open to new possibilities in your life. You don’t need to tie yourself down to this situation.

Post # 25
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

I’m so sorry to read that he pushed off talking & then chose TV and bed, when it was likely clear how emotionally distraught you are. Don’t stay with someone who you can’t trust, rely on, and who has so  little empathy for you.

Post # 26
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

jaimegurl88 :  oh honey no. That whole situation sounds like chaos. Focus on your daughter and yourself and get out of there.

Post # 27
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

jaimegurl88 :  And I am going to say something else and it might be unpopular: 4 step-kids is a lot to take on when you are bringing a younger child into the mix. Are they the same age? Are they boys? Those are things you need to take into account. That is actually, above all else, the most important thing. I am so sorry for your miscarriages, I can’t imagine. 

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