- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
First, let me say that I love reading all the posts on here and search practically daily for inspiration and guidance. I am sort of quiet so hadn’t really consider posting until this recent trauma has driven me to it. I am hoping all the wisdom gathered here can offer some good advice.
A local jeweler broke the diamond solitaire in my e-ring yesterday and I am sort of shell shocked and not sure what to do. The ring is insured and the jeweler has suggested that they will replace the diamond (though we are still waiting to hear from the owner of the store about that) so I think we will get most of our money back, but a replacement still won’t be the diamond my fiancé picked out for me. The thing is I am starting to thing the ring has bad karma or at least too much negative energy attached to it now and that I might want to start over with a totally different ring. What do you think?
Here’s the story in detail – sorry for the length! I love Art Nouveau style and my sweet fiancé searched in secret for months for an Art Nouveau style e-ring. When he couldn’t find one, he went to a well respected jeweler in a nearby town to have a custom ring made. (See below.) It wasn’t a huge diamond, but it was a very good quality one which is totally me: quality over quantity. The jeweler was supposed to show my fiancé the ring in wax first but went ahead and cast it in gold. My fiancé, being like me and not one to rock the boat, took it as it was even though he thought it was sort of bulky. (I wear a size 4 ring, so more delicate jewelry tends to look better.) The ring was 2 sizes too big so I couldn’t really wear it for a while, and while I think it is a lovely, unique ring, I started to realize that I wanted something more delicate and thinner that would also be more comfortable. The ring seems to cut into my side fingers and if somebody squeezes my hand it hurts! As it was, I would only wear it if we were going out someplace special. I knew he put a lot of thought into the ring and was attached to it so I kept my reservations about the ring to myself until the 30 return policy was past – DOH! Plus, my fiancé has been married before and when he bought an e-ring years ago for his evil ex she told him she “expected something bigger”! (Can you believe that?!) So I was super-sensitive to hurting his feelings about this ring.
However, after a lot of soul searching I realized that I wanted a ring I could wear all the time and that this one wasn’t working out for me. I told myself that your engagement ring is something you should really love. (If we are being brutally honest, I wish he had just given me a fake ring so we could have picked out something together.) The proposal was a total surprise so I didn’t even know he was looking at rings or I would have left some subtle hints.
So anyway, I started discreetly looking into options on the web and found a jeweler in Toronto who makes beautiful Art Nouveau style rings and I totally fell in love with one of his designs (see second image below – mine would have been yellow-gold). (http://www.metamorphosisjewellery.com) Eventually, I gently brought it up to my fiancé that I wanted to change the ring – keep the same diamond, but melt down the gold and have it reworked by the jeweler in Toronto. Being the sweetie that he is, he was a bit hurt, but wanted me to have a ring that I loved so he agreed. Even using the materials of the old ring, the cost of the new ring was going to be half again the cost of the old ring because of all the handwork! I felt bad about that, so I offered to pay for the new work but he refused and I felt the guilt mounting. With some trepidation I began researching how to have the ring safely mailed to Toronto. After days of work I discovered that FedEx and UPS and DHL will only insure things for up to $500 for international and USPS will only insure up to $2400. The ring is covered on the insurance policy, but I still felt weird sending it without insurance. My fiancé was really hesitant about mailing the ring at all, so all the complication only added to my guilt about the process. The jeweler in Toronto suggested that I have the diamond removed before sending it. So yesterday I took it to the closest jeweler in town and asked them to remove the stone. This is when it cracked and a good 15% of the stone is missing. I was sort of shell shocked, but my fiancé was really hit hard. He admitted that he was really attached to the ring more than he let on before and how he kept thinking about how he had kept it in his backpack for a week waiting until the right moment to propose. I hate hurting him and my guilty is overwhelming now! I had a perfectly good ring that is now destroyed (the setting was also sort of mangled when the diamond was being removed.)
So finally, here is my question, should we just start over with a new ring? Should I have his original design redone even though I don’t care for it much and now he knows I didn’t like it. I still love the new design I was going to have made, but I wonder if every time I look at it, I will just remember how much trouble it brought and all the guilt I feel right now. It was his idea to get an Art Nouveau inspired ring (I never would thought of that), but maybe it is too fussy a design anyway and I would get tired of it in a few years?
If my fiancé had asked me a long time ago what e-ring I wanted, I would have said to get a simple eternity ring of channel set, tall baguette diamonds. I love the elegance and simplicity of that and the way all the diamonds are protected in the channel. That is really my style and it seems like you could wear that anywhere with a simple gold wedding band. So assuming we can get some of our money back for the destroyed ring, should we just start over and go pick out a new set. It can be cheaper than the old one – I don’t care about that and actually I don’t like the idea of carrying a fortune around on my hand. My fiancé was really protective of the last ring which just made me nervous about it. Would it be weird to have an eternity ring as an e-ring. My fiancé doesn’t like the idea much – I think he think it makes him look cheap, though honestly some of those eternity rings are amazingly expensive! Do y’all have any other ideas or suggestions – especially how I can get rid of all this guilt?!