(Closed) Broken up, hurting and need some hope :(

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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confusedbee1234567 :  I had a relationship like that once. But it didn’t work because we too were toxic for each other. 

It sounds like this relationship is better left in the past. There’s someone else out there for you who will appreciate you more than your ex ever will. 

Post # 3
13 posts

These types of relationships are TOUGH. I think a lot of people have been in a toxic relationship, myself included. When my ex and I broke up, it was devastating. I couldn’t imagine being in another relationship or loving someone as passionately as I loved him. 

I promise, promise, promise it will get better. I recommend cutting off contact completely. It’s not easy, but it will help. Also, focus on yourself. Do things you love to do. Pick up a new hobby.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know how hard it is but you will get past the pain, the anger, and the hurt. Stay strong, bee!

Post # 6
1216 posts
Bumble bee

OP, I’m sorry for what you’re going through, but the pain WILL go away. It does for all of us. You made the right decision to break up with him this final time, as things are clearly never going to improve if you harbor such deep feelings of resentment. I would suggest some counseling to work through everything so that you’re in a better place to move on with your life. 

Yes, you can learn something from this. You can learn something about how precious love is, how worthwhile it is to love even if it’s only temporary (and, really, it’s ALWAYS only temporary). You can learn that if you have serious problems with your partner, you need to seek help immediately so that you can repair the relationship before building up so much resentment that it’s no longer salvageable. And you can probably learn that love isn’t the only thing you need to make a relationship successful. Good luck. 

Post # 8
6 posts

I just want to comment on the forgiving part, you have to stop beating yourself up about that. My ex acted horribly at the end and then tried to make up for it. He apologised really genuinely too so I knew he meant it. But to me it was like if you imagine you have a flower and that’s your relationship, and then the guy goes and stamps on that flower – just up and down stamping on it (for you this is when he was with that girl). And now it’s all wilted and the petals and leaves are broken, and that’s your “relationship”.

I could relatively forgive my ex, but look at the state of the flower. For that flower to regrow it would need so much maturity and time and care from both parties. So I think it’s about more than just forgiveness. You also can’t force yourself to trust someone, that’s not the way trust works.

Anyway, I think if anything is ever to happen with this guy in the future then it would be quite awhile away, because you would both need a lot of space and time. So you should work on moving on basically, all the tips for putting effort into yourself and your own life, and crying when you want and letting the emotions out. Hanging out with friends more and starting hobbies you have been interested in but never pursued. And more importantly being kind to yourself, you haven’t made a mistake. It’s just the way that it is.

(And btw, I understand other people saying you weren’t together etc. but I get it, it was a betrayal because you were meant to be together and that’s what he had in effect promised you when he swept you off your feet)

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