(Closed) Brother & Sister wedding date/venue conflict. Advice Please

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It definitely sounds like there is some stress, but I would still choose to go.

Did they express a reason that they chose that date? 

Post # 4
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You’re seriously not going to go to your own sons wedding? Shame on you

Post # 5
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

They didn’t plan it for the same weekend, or even the same month; barely even the same season. I don’t understand the problem, honestly. It sort of seems like it is actually your daughter (and you & your other children) that is being difficult here, not your son.

Post # 6
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

While it’s unfortunate that they chose a date that is so close, did they express the reason for this particular date? Nonetheless, there is a 3 month gap inbetween these weddings and, while it may seem stressful for you, that is a considerable amount of time. 

It seems as through there is more to this conflict besides their date selection. If there is not, you should absolutely attend. 

Post # 7
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Its not as big of a deal I think than it actually is. Now is not the time to figure things out. Now is the time to get ready to go to your sons wedding. Hes having a spring/summer wedding and you daughter is having a summer/fall wedding. It seems like your supporting your daughter a lot more than your son. 

Post # 8
Member
5766 posts
Bee Keeper

As a Mom myself, and while I wouldn’t be too happy about how things are working out, I’d still go for my son. Sometimes you just have to let it go and deal with the hard feelings later on. I think you would have some terrible regrets if you let it slip by and didn’t attend it, don’t you?

Unless there are ongoing,underlying issues between your son and daughter, do you believe he did this to deliberately hurt her? Is there more to this story?

Not sure where you are in PA, but are the weddings in NJ? Everyone will have to travel to both weddings, so are you saying this has created undue hardship/financial worries and stress because of it?

Post # 9
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

First, I think you and your family need to apologize to your son. This is supposed to be a happy time in his life and your family is being miserable about it. Your daughter chose a date and your son is getting married three months prior (not the week before or the month before, but three months prior)? Your daughter gets one day, not a whole year.

I really, really do not understand why you couldn’t just be happy for both couples and attend both weddings. You see to be blaming your new daughter in law for this rift. It is not only her job to integrate herself into your family. It is everyone’s job to get along. Having nearly your whole family boycott the son’s wedding is setting up a huge wedge that will be very difficult to repair.

Post # 10
Member
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Why should your son and his Fiance have to change the kind of wedding they want? I’m not sure as adults your daughter can call dibs on a beach wedding Undecided. Yes their timing could be better, but 3 months is a pretty good gap. I’d be so annoyed if I was told by my future mother in law that I couldn’t have the kind of wedding I wanted because her daughter should be able to have it instead.

I agree with a previous poster – shame on you.

Post # 11
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Holy cow. You all need to apologize to your son and future daughter in law. 3 months is plenty of time in between, and you are not the person to judge when they’ve waited long enough to wed…since they have a kid together maybe they want to do it sooner?  Brides also get a day, not year. I’d have no problem with either my brother or sister getting married 3 months away from me.  It was fine to voice concerns at first, but when they said they’re keeping the date/venue then you should have dropped it.  The beach wedding vs hotel overlooking the beach will be completely different–different colors, different suits, different dresses. 

If you miss his wedding, you can be sure that will end your relationship with your son (and grandchildren) forever. Is it worth that to you?

And for what it’s worth, it is not the bride’s job to ‘ingratiate’ herself to your family (maybe you’re using the wrong word choice, but ingratiate has a negative connotation).  It is her job to be polite to you and try to get along, but it is also your family’s job to make her feel welcome and like you want her there (and that you don’t value one child’s wedding over the other’s)

Post # 12
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i can understand OPs loyalty to her daughter/daughters wedding but is not the other bride just as equally worthy of a beachside wedding and i think its rough to expect her to change her plans and go without or less because this is also your sons wedding and where is your support for him?

3 months is more than enough time between weddings and not everything can be about your daughter

 

and we are likely NOT attending

you wont attend your own sons wedding which is 3mths before your daughters – wow, just wow

Post # 13
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

this just pisses me off for some reason. Why is your daughters wedding more important than your sons? Three months is more than enough time. You should apologize to your future daughter in law and son. 

Post # 14
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

If it was not three months before then the wedding would be what, 3 months behind? A year later? How long do you feel their engagement should be? They are getting married and they’re not waiting anymore. As the parents you should be supportive of their union. It does not cost you excessive amounts of money to attend the wedding of your son and his bride, even (or especially if) you choose to contribute a large sum of money for your daughter’s wedding. This is not a dilemma.

Post # 15
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@karynmac:  Hi! It seems like a lot of people on this board are being snarky to you. Is your son expecting you to foot the bill for his wedding? It is for financial reasons that you are worried about the wedding back to back? Because if it is financial than yes I can understand the stress!!!!!

Three months will be enough time between the weddings. Please by all means GO to your son’s wedding.

I know the weddings are similar but is your son and FDIL doing anything malicious like stealing colors, venues, menus et al?

Post # 16
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I do not mean to be snarky, but maybe she did not explain it well enough. I do not understand the problem. 

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