Post # 1
Our family has a difficult wedding dilemma. Our daughter got engaged first and set her date and venue. Our son, her older brother, got engaged 6 weeks after her. He and his Girlfriend live together and have a 2 year old son. Knowing his sisters plans, they decided to get married 3 months before his sister. To make matters worse, they are planning a very similar wedding. My daughter is having a beach wedding. My son is getting married in hotel overlooking the beach in a neighboring town. They are even planning the same honeymoon destination. Our family ( Mom & dad, sbilings) tried on numerous occasions to express our concern about 2 weddings so close to each other. Out of respect for his sister, we feel as if our son should have spoken up for his sister and his family when the venue and date were being planned. We also feel that his bride to be has been selfish with not considering her “new families” concerns. Our thought is that this was not the best way to ingratiate yourself into your “new” family. They will not change their date or venue. Our son got engaged on 4/30/2011 and they have planned a big fancy wedding for June of 2012. They had lots of other dates to choose from but chose a date 3 months prior his sisters. Considering they have lived together for 2 years and have a child, we don’t understand why they couldn’t have been more sensitive to his immediate & extended family. We now have to double up on everything within a 3 month window. Our daughter is heartbroken her brother and future sister in law did not consider her plans. They have not spoken is months. In fact, our entire family is not on speaking terms with our oldest son and his future bride. The wedding is in June and we are likely NOT attending. This whole situation was so preventable. We don’t know what to do. We are so disappointed with them, There is no joy. As it stands today, one son out of 5 children is attending the wedding. As his parents, what should we do?????….. Go and suck it up or not go and deal with future consequences of that decisiion.
Post # 3
It definitely sounds like there is some stress, but I would still choose to go.
Did they express a reason that they chose that date?
Post # 4
You’re seriously not going to go to your own sons wedding? Shame on you
Post # 5
They didn’t plan it for the same weekend, or even the same month; barely even the same season. I don’t understand the problem, honestly. It sort of seems like it is actually your daughter (and you & your other children) that is being difficult here, not your son.
Post # 6
While it’s unfortunate that they chose a date that is so close, did they express the reason for this particular date? Nonetheless, there is a 3 month gap inbetween these weddings and, while it may seem stressful for you, that is a considerable amount of time.
It seems as through there is more to this conflict besides their date selection. If there is not, you should absolutely attend.
Post # 7
Its not as big of a deal I think than it actually is. Now is not the time to figure things out. Now is the time to get ready to go to your sons wedding. Hes having a spring/summer wedding and you daughter is having a summer/fall wedding. It seems like your supporting your daughter a lot more than your son.
Post # 8
As a Mom myself, and while I wouldn’t be too happy about how things are working out, I’d still go for my son. Sometimes you just have to let it go and deal with the hard feelings later on. I think you would have some terrible regrets if you let it slip by and didn’t attend it, don’t you?
Unless there are ongoing,underlying issues between your son and daughter, do you believe he did this to deliberately hurt her? Is there more to this story?
Not sure where you are in PA, but are the weddings in NJ? Everyone will have to travel to both weddings, so are you saying this has created undue hardship/financial worries and stress because of it?
Post # 9
First, I think you and your family need to apologize to your son. This is supposed to be a happy time in his life and your family is being miserable about it. Your daughter chose a date and your son is getting married three months prior (not the week before or the month before, but three months prior)? Your daughter gets one day, not a whole year.
I really, really do not understand why you couldn’t just be happy for both couples and attend both weddings. You see to be blaming your new daughter in law for this rift. It is not only her job to integrate herself into your family. It is everyone’s job to get along. Having nearly your whole family boycott the son’s wedding is setting up a huge wedge that will be very difficult to repair.
Post # 10
Why should your son and his Fiance have to change the kind of wedding they want? I’m not sure as adults your daughter can call dibs on a beach wedding . Yes their timing could be better, but 3 months is a pretty good gap. I’d be so annoyed if I was told by my future mother in law that I couldn’t have the kind of wedding I wanted because her daughter should be able to have it instead.
I agree with a previous poster – shame on you.
Post # 11
Holy cow. You all need to apologize to your son and future daughter in law. 3 months is plenty of time in between, and you are not the person to judge when they’ve waited long enough to wed…since they have a kid together maybe they want to do it sooner? Brides also get a day, not year. I’d have no problem with either my brother or sister getting married 3 months away from me. It was fine to voice concerns at first, but when they said they’re keeping the date/venue then you should have dropped it. The beach wedding vs hotel overlooking the beach will be completely different–different colors, different suits, different dresses.
If you miss his wedding, you can be sure that will end your relationship with your son (and grandchildren) forever. Is it worth that to you?
And for what it’s worth, it is not the bride’s job to ‘ingratiate’ herself to your family (maybe you’re using the wrong word choice, but ingratiate has a negative connotation). It is her job to be polite to you and try to get along, but it is also your family’s job to make her feel welcome and like you want her there (and that you don’t value one child’s wedding over the other’s)
Post # 12
i can understand OPs loyalty to her daughter/daughters wedding but is not the other bride just as equally worthy of a beachside wedding and i think its rough to expect her to change her plans and go without or less because this is also your sons wedding and where is your support for him?
3 months is more than enough time between weddings and not everything can be about your daughter
and we are likely NOT attending
you wont attend your own sons wedding which is 3mths before your daughters – wow, just wow
Post # 13
this just pisses me off for some reason. Why is your daughters wedding more important than your sons? Three months is more than enough time. You should apologize to your future daughter in law and son.
Post # 14
If it was not three months before then the wedding would be what, 3 months behind? A year later? How long do you feel their engagement should be? They are getting married and they’re not waiting anymore. As the parents you should be supportive of their union. It does not cost you excessive amounts of money to attend the wedding of your son and his bride, even (or especially if) you choose to contribute a large sum of money for your daughter’s wedding. This is not a dilemma.
Post # 15
@karynmac: Hi! It seems like a lot of people on this board are being snarky to you. Is your son expecting you to foot the bill for his wedding? It is for financial reasons that you are worried about the wedding back to back? Because if it is financial than yes I can understand the stress!!!!!
Three months will be enough time between the weddings. Please by all means GO to your son’s wedding.
I know the weddings are similar but is your son and FDIL doing anything malicious like stealing colors, venues, menus et al?
Post # 16
I do not mean to be snarky, but maybe she did not explain it well enough. I do not understand the problem.