Post # 1
We have opted for no kids at our reception. My brother and sister-an-law are not taking the decision well. They first told me that they would not be able to attend since they do not leave their kids (who are 6, 13 and 14) with non-family babysitters.
I arranged for a second cousin, who is 22 and is not coming to the wedding, to babysit for the children in a hotel suite right across the street during the ceremony. I even told them they could stay in the suite that night instead of driving the 45 mins home after the evening was over.
With that excuse squashed, my sister-in-law then had my 5-year old niece call and ask me why she can’t be my flower girl and has tried other guilt-trip tactics to get me to change my mind.
I just got off the phone with my mom who told me that my brother and sister-in-law are boycotting my wedding if I don’t change my mind. My mom is very upset because she wants very badly for my brother to be a part of my wedding. Until today, it was annoying but contacting my mom and trying to get her to “convince me” to let the kids come is completely unacceptable to me.
I’m furious and need some suggestions for how to confront my SIL in a way that she’ll understand.
Post # 3
Let them boycott. If they’re going to be that unacceptable abotu the accommodations you’ve made, then let them play their games. You know they’re waiting for you to cave in and allow the kids. Don’t. You’ve already said that there will be a family member sitting kids right across the way and blew them out of the water on that point. You don’t want them in your wedding party and blew them out of the water on that point as well. This is their final tactic in getting you to give in.
I wouldn’t confront anyone. I’d simply say “I will have this sitter. It’s entirely your option to attend.” If they love their brother enough, they will give into their boycott and attend. They’re only going to hurt their brother and that’s the only thing I’d say to them about it.
Post # 4
Thats terrible. I’m not even sure how to confront her besides once again telling her that you want them there but you are firm on your decision to have a no kid wedding. You can explain your reasoning but I”m not even sure you have to. Also just as a side note, why do they even need ababysitter? The oldest kid is 14, which is babysitting age? Not important though.
Post # 5
Wow, I don’t really have any suggestions, but I feel for you. It seems to me that you’ve already done more than enough to accommodate them. Your SIL sounds extremely unreasonable, and in my experience people like her can never be appeased.
And good lord, her kids aren’t babies! I’ve never heard of anyone hiring a babysitter for a 14 year old!
Post # 6
I don’t have anything helpful to add. I’m just sitting here wondering how they have possibly gotten through life without ever leaving their children with a non-family baby-sitter. One of them is fourteen years old. That’s old enough to be a non-family baby-sitter. WTF?
Post # 7
I would just ignore it all together. If you confront her then you become the bad guy, whereas, if you ignore them and let it be their decision, then they are missing out for childish reasons. I really hate it when people expect you to cow tow to their children. Not everyones lives revolve around their precious children.
Post # 8
Her children are certainly not too young to be left. They are annoyed because they don’t understand why you are not inviting the kids, not because of the babysitting issue. I’d speak to them both and confront the issue and explain why you don’t want to invite their kids. If they don’t understand your reasons, it doesn’t matter as it’s still your choice.
Post # 9
Wow, they are being ridiculous. One of my biggest pet peeves are when parents use their children like that. Ugh.
Do they want to pay for the extra food and space for these children? I don’t get why people think they are entitled to bring someone else who wasn’t invited to a party.
Just ignore them now. You’ve made it clear that it is an adult only party and they can either deal or not come.
Post # 10
@BanditGirl: I think you said it very well.
They will look the like the “bad one” if anyone even cares to make a judgement because you were very generous with your offer to organize a babysitter and let them stay there. It sucks, I would dislike it, but I would let it be.
Post # 11
Wow, I don’t have anything helpful to have. I am having children at my wedding (just nieces and nephews, no other kids). If I had children and I was invited to a wedding with no children, I would be more than understanding and would have someone watch them. I UNDERSTAND that a wedding is not THE RIGHT PLACE for children so I totally understand.
I think your Bro and SIL want eveything accomdated to them. If they do boycott your wedding, they will be the ones looking bad. Can’t the kids stay with your SIL family? seriously?
Post # 12
I agree with the PP’s who suggested you just ignore her. You have offered a sitter (though God know why they need one). It is their choice to attend or not.
You can’t give in to this emotional blackmail. What if the next relative won’t come unless you change the wedding to a picnic so they can bring their dogs?
ps I can see that sometimes younger siblings will totally act up when their own brother or sister are trying to babysit, so the sitter may be necessary in the view of the parents.
Post # 13
I also agree with PPs…just ignore them. You have gone above and beyond as far as any reasonable person is concerned so don’t even worry about it. If they try to show up with the kids, have a hostess or one of the BMs or Groomsmen politely reiterate that only the adults can come in.
Post # 14
Wow. I totally understand not wanting children at your wedding, and it seems to me like your sister-in-law isn’t adult enough to attend, either. I can’t believe she had your niece call you and ask why she couldn’t be a flower girl. What a nasty, classless thing to do. Stand your ground and remember that bad behavior shouldn’t be rewarded. That’s also good advice for dealing with two year olds, which is a sad comment on how your sister-in-law is behaving.
Post # 15
I agree with everone else. Just ignore them and let them boycott. If they want to be childish and miss out on your day it is there loss. You were very reasonable and accomodating and there is nothing else you should have to do to rectify the situation.
Post # 16
DO NOT GIVE IN!!! This will set a precedant not only for your wedding (other people will want to bring their kids, or be mad at you that you said no kids and kids were there) but also for the rest of your lives!