(Closed) Brother as Groomsman? Need opinions!

posted 6 years ago in Grooms/men
  • poll: Immediate Family in the birdal party
    Of course! family is #1 : (11 votes)
    29 %
    Leave it up to the bride/groom no matter what : (18 votes)
    47 %
    It's not a dealbreaker, but i think they should be involved : (5 votes)
    13 %
    Nah, no big deal. : (4 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4131 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    In the UK we don’t really do Groomsmen.  But we do do Ushers.  Personally, family is number one.  But I know this is a sticking point for my OH.  His family are not at all close.  Personally, I would push for it.  Or at least some involvement, perhaps the MC or he could do a reading.

    Post # 5
    Member
    6892 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I can’t imagine NOT having family in our wedding party, but we are ALL really close. FI’s Best Man is his brother. My two brothers and his best friend are also on his side. My little sister is my flower girl as she is so young. Future Sister-In-Law is one of my bridesmaids, but she isn’t FI’s sister, it’s FI’s brother’s girlfriend. We’re really close though, as we’ve been hanging out since she started dating Future Brother-In-Law 3.5 years ago (I’ve been “around” the longest, but not by much, lol.) I also have my two good friends. If Fiance had sisters, they’d be in the wedding party too.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2442 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    IMO, you Fiance should pick who HE wants as groomsmen.  You got to pick who you wanted.  It just so happened you wanted family.  What if he insisted that you pick someone as a bridesmaid that you had not planned on selecting?  

    Post # 7
    Member
    598 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I feel your Fiance should be able to choose the groomsmen he wants.  Would you have wanted him to tell you who to have as your bridesmaids?  I know that I wanted to choose the girls I have standing up with me and assume my FH felt the same way so I let him pick the people that were special to HIM.  The people that stand up with you should have meaning to you, they have been an important part of shaping who you are as a person.  For you that is family.  For him that may be the friends he has chosen to be his groomsmen.  Have you considered having your brother stand on your side?  I know that isn’t traditional, but I have seen people have men stand on the brides side if they were important to her.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    He should get to choose his groomsmen just like you got to choose your bridesmaids. Perhaps you could have your brother do a reading at the ceremony if you don’t want to break tradition too much? (though I think having him on your side would be lovely)

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    2195 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    My brother was a groomsman, and my husbands brother was the best man. HOWEVER, my SIL is 35 and a mom of 2. Last year when BIL got married, she was a bridesmaid and miserable the whole time because the kids were wild. She told me at their wedding that she DID NOT want to be in our wedding (we weren’t engaged yet). So when we got engaged I asked her if she had changed her mind (just to make sure!), and she said no.

    I feel like it’s important to keep everyone involved, but make sure you find out what they want as well.

    Post # 10
    Member
    378 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I don’t think that family is #1  no matter what in this circumstance… it should always be up to the B&G because think of this…haven’t we all had a girlfriend that feels like a sister to us? And haven’t we all had a family member who has been distant and feels like they don’t act related to you except at family reunions? I firmly believe in the fact that you should only have the people you care about the deepest by your side on your special day. My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor, but my Future Sister-In-Law is not in the bridal party. My Future Brother-In-Law is only a groomsman, although some questioned why he wasn’t the best man (long answer made short: he’s a flake who cares much more about his friends than his own brother when it comes down to it), but when push comes to shove, it’s all about what makes you two happy 🙂 Best of luck in the end 😉

    Post # 11
    Member
    284 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I personally would’ve been really upset if Fiance didn’t ask my brother. I only have one sibling, I love him dearly, and I would’ve never expected that he wouldn’t be in our wedding party (likewise with Fiance – all 3 of his sisters will be Bridesmaids). With that being said – we’ve been dating for the better part of 10 years so we’re already pretty close with each other’s families and that isn’t always the case for everybody, so it really depends on the situation.

    Post # 12
    Member
    5668 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Groomsmen are supposed to be standing up for the groom. He should be able to pick who he likes. If you’re really upset, ask your brother to stand up for you as a “bridesman” instead. I think it’s really unfair to force him to choose someone whom he’s not close with to be his support on such an important day.

    Post # 13
    Member
    193 posts
    Blushing bee

    I dont think you selecting who should stand up for him is really ideal. I think if you want your brother in the wedding have him as a brides-man. My partner chose his female cousin as his best woMan.

    Post # 14
    Member
    376 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    our situation is somewhat unique… my Fiance has 5 sisters, and then…..)1 half brother, and 6 step brothers (which only came into our lives since we have been togethers. I have 1 sister and 1 half brother.  

    So… I am very close with my sister, so it wasnt even a second thought, she was my Maid/Matron of Honor. My brother is 8 yrs older than me, and I know he would want to be in the wedding and has even mentioned it to me and my mom, but I am not going to say anything to my Fiance as I am not going to have his sisters in the wedding- the reason is he has 5 sisters! I can not just pick one or two, and I want my best friends in the wedding… his family all lives out of state. so we decided on none of his sisters.. sad but..? what can i do!…. to make it fair, all the kiddos in the wedding our his neices, nephews and his….. 4 year old half brother! 

    I can tell you the family is #1 to me, but I do think that it should be up to him.  I was in a friends wedding last year, and it was not up to the bride and groom, all the siblings and there spouses (two were married) where in the wedding! I know that it was forced!

    Post # 15
    Member
    455 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @cmvmph: Hmmm… I hear what you’re saying, but this statement is quite bothersome:

    I don’t think that family is #1  no matter what in this circumstance… it should always be up to the B&G…

    But, isn’t a marriage the joining of two families?  I firmly believe that a wedding is not just about the bride and groom… both families should certainly be involved if both the B&G have good relationships with their family members.  Just my opinion.

    Post # 16
    Member
    363 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I had my sister as Maid/Matron of Honor and then another friend as Bridesmaid or Best Man. There was no doubt in my mind my sister would be there even though we don’t have the best relationship at times. Darling Husband choose his two best friends as ‘best men’. He was torn whether to include his brother but chose not to in the end and I never really considered SIL to be in the bridal party. He should be able to choose who he wants to stand next to him.

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