(Closed) Brother being a jerk once again-NWR

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Cut the cord.

If he wants to visit you, he can buy his own ticket. If he can’t? He has other things to be worrying about.

Honestly, this isn’t your problem! Why is this even a topic of conversation? Why would any of your siblings be tagging along with you anywhere? Move fast and rid yourself of this ridiculousness.

Post # 4
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Sit down with him and explain this is your  anniversary trip! Even if it’s a bit early, I assume you’ll be celebrating it. If he pushes back, then explain that this is a private and INTIMATE (hint hint) celebration since it’s an anniversary. 

If he’s too dense to follow the thought train there, you’ll just have to be straightforward with him and say that while you can’t stop him from going, you won’t be spending time with him.

Post # 6
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I would tell him and your mother, “You do realize this is our anniversary trip, right?” Then remind him that you didn’t invite him and if he wants to travel he can do it on his own dime, or his mothers.  Why don’t they just go to Germany together since they’re so chummy? 

Sorry if I’m being mean but I hate when one sibling feels entitlement over the other… My sister feels major entitlement to my parents money.  She’s costing them thousands of dollars in medical bills because she can’t afford it, but she still has the gall to ask them to pay for her groceries (even though she gets food stamps), gas, school loans, etc. even though they live 1.5hrs from her and she can’t drive long distances, so my 70 year old parents have to drive all over the place to help their 32 year old “child.”  If we are all together and I get something (wether it’s with my own money or my mom wants to treat me) she’ll pout until someone offers her the same thing.  Trust me, you and your sister are much better off than your brother will ever be.  All the enabling your mom is doing is just hurting his personal development and ability to learn how to be an adult.

Sorry for the rant, just wanted to give you support and let you know you’re not alone!

Post # 8
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018


Doralise:  Good for you!  You sound so much stronger in that last post 🙂  That is kind of weird that he’d want to tag along to your romantic outings like that, though.  There’s only myself and my sister (who’s older, by the way) so while I get the gist of the “middle-child syndrome” I haven’t experienced it first-hand.  Did you talk to them yet and make it clear that he will not be going on your vacataion?  Let me know how it went/goes!  Why can’t he just plan his own vacations?  Is it just so he can mooch off you?

And I re-read my post so I just have to clarify that I love my sister dearly.  She is a wonderful person and so very compassionate.  She just can’t handle money or adult things (like following up with important documents and appointments) very well because my parents let her sit back and relax while they did everything for her.

Post # 9
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Doralise:  Just say no and stop discussing it.

Post # 11
110 posts
Blushing bee

how old is your brother? In high school?!

Post # 12
4037 posts
Honey bee

I would guess that you have to lower your expectations, for your brother’s behavior, in the life-long scheme of things. My brother in law was always been self-centered and still is (in his 50s). He didn’t even have the courtesy of RSVPing, to his niece’s/my daughter’s wedding. He didn’t even acknowledge that it happened (no congratulatory e-mail). Some people think the universe revolves around them and their frequently dysfunctional families. It’s a narcissistic sense of entitlement.

Post # 14
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015


If a grown man wants to visit Germany and has a passport, ticket and hotel money, he can go without bothering his married sister about it!

If a married couple want to visit Paris, they don’t need input from mom, brother, sister or anyone else. 

I don’t think it would be weird for two siblings to coordinate a vacation together; I would love it if my siblings and I could all afford to travel together, but it would be a perk, not a requirement. 

If your brother & mom get upset at you, so be it. They have to learn sometime that you are not Sister Moneybags TravelAgent.

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