Post # 1
My younger brother who I never thought would have a child in a million years is having one in a few months with his wife. He complains to me and my mom that his life is now ruined because all he does is go to work and then will have to take care of a baby. At the same time, he expresses excitment about the baby by sending cute videos of babies, etc. It’s a really weird situation and I think he just doesn’t feel ready for a child–he complains about how he can’t go anywhere or travel anymore, etc.
My mom and I don’t really know what to say but she has been reassuring him that all will be ok eventually and that he’ll get to still lead a normal life.
Anyway, I wonder if this is normal for a dad to be or is this a sign that he should get some help before teh child comes? As his sister I’d like to give him sound advice but since I never had a child I don’t know what to say…
Post # 3
@temporary: I’m going to give you some of my mom’s wisdom here, she has many grandchildren and dealt with lots of baby-anxiety. ‘Wait until that child is born, he’ll feel differently’. It has rung true for both my brothers who are excellent fathers.
Post # 4
I had a friend like this. They got pregnant when she was on birth control so obviously they weren’t planning it. He was excited about becoming a dad and couldn’t wait to meet his daugther but at the same time, he was pretty freaked out about the financial burden of a baby and the impact it would have on his life. Personally, I think that’s pretty normal. I’m not pregnant right now but it freaks me out sometimes thinking about, even though I do want a baby someday.
How old is he?
Post # 5
@temporary: Was this baby planned?
I get the impression its wasn’t and that he’s trying to be (and maybe even sometimees is) excited and making the best of it, but that he’s still experiencing some very real and legitimate fears about his life from here on out.
Encourage and support him as best you can, but don’t give him a bunch of sunshine and rainbows nonsense because the truth is – his life and his relationship with his wife IS going to change significantly and from his perspective, possibly not at all for the better.
Post # 6
I think its pretty normal
Post # 7
@orchidaloha: He’s 28. They got married last year and she became pregnant right away. My brother used to always say he’ll never get married or have kids–well now he has done both. Before getting married he told his now wife he wanted to wait a few years before kids…but I think she convinced him otherwise….and now to me it seems like he feels trapped because he can’t live his life they way he did before kids. But as my father says….you can’t be single and married at the same time….
Post # 8
I’m not pregnant, don’t have kids, and don’t intend to have kids for a few more years, but I think I would feel the same way as your brother. I think most people who get pregnant are excited to have a child with the person they love, however it is a life changing event, so there should be some nervousness as well. It’s good that your brother realizes that his life will change and his priorities will change (so in a way, his individual life is ruined because he can no longer be selfish to him and his wifes needs/wants, now the baby will have to come first).
I think just being supportive and telling him that he will be a great father is all you have to do. He might be venting, or he might be worried and in need of encouragement. Either way, I think most fathers fall in love with their children after birth (whereas mothers have the bond during pregnancy).
Post # 9
@Flanders: Agreed. I feel like what he’s feeling is fairly normal. He’s freaking out because he’s going to have this little thing depending on him for everything, and it’s kind of a big deal. The unknown is scary.
Post # 10
No one really feels ready when a baby starts coming into the picture. After my LO was born my husband completely fell in love with her, he is over the moon and stars and even though he complains from time to time about no sleep or the drastic change in lifestyle, she has him wrapped around her cute lil fingers and he loves it. Honestly I think what he’s going through is normal and it’s a good thing that he feels comfortable enough to talk to y’all about his concerns. Just keep being there and wait til the baby is born.
Post # 11
I think what he’s feeling is normal for a man. How far along is his wife?
My Darling Husband has always been excited, but I think it became more “real” for him once I got a definite baby belly and he could feel the baby kick, etc. Now with just a month to go, he is so excited he can hardly stand it.
Post # 12
Normal. It’s a huge change and something you can’t undo once it is done so it’s freaky to think about making a change that will be forever. I mean pretty much everything in life can be undo except life and death and it can be a hard thing to grapple with. He will probably come around.
Post # 13
It sounds like he is realistic. And rightfully mourning his former schedule as the birth gets closer.
Yeah, that pretty much is what his life will be like. My boss just went to a conference and had to take a 14 hour flight in coach to get there. His exact words: “I can’t wait for the flight, i’m going to get to sleep without kids climbing all over me!”.
When was the last time you heard anyone who isn’t a parent looking forward to 14 hours in cattle class?
Kids are not easy.