(Closed) Brother decided to get married before me…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Concern for him being young and possibly not in a good place to get married =totally ok

Being upset that his wedding would be a YEAR before yours = kinda crazy, and not ok.

Post # 4
Member
990 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I worried about this bc a close cousin and I are getting married a year apart. But it has been fun to plan together and once their day is over well you still have a year to have the attention on you. Dont worry but I know how it feels and it changes. It will be ok and its fun to have someone besides a virtual bee who knows what you are going through and can help plan.

Post # 5
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

but I also don’t expect the next 2 years to be all about me

Then don’t because it will come off as crazy.

Post # 6
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Roe:  Absolutely!

Post # 7
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Roe:  Agree.

Post # 8
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Roe:  +1

 

@idopost86:  The weddings will be a year apart so you should have plenty of time as the bride. Is your dad paying for both weddings? Has he said that or are you assuming it?

Post # 9
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We’re getting married a month apart from my Future Sister-In-Law, so honestly I can’t say that I understand how you feel.  If you’re concerned that their relationship isn’t appropriate or that they’re making a mistake, that’s one thing… but simply because they’re in grad school or don’t have as much money, well, poor people manage to get married too.  Theirs just won’t be a huge, lavish affair.  If you like your brother’s Fiance, though, then be happy that they found the right person for each other!!

Post # 11
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Ugh, I would be so mad at my brother!!!!  BUT…unreasonably mad.  My brother got married without telling anyone when he was…three weeks away from being 19.  NINETEEN!!!!  However, HOLY SHIT BALLS, NINE years later he and his wife are still going strong.  NINE YEARS?  REALLY?  Hold on…2003…yep.  Okay.  Anyway, lol, it took me a long time to get over that.  I am three years older than he is, and always did well in school.  He struggled in school, and would get all sorts of praise for doing things like getting Bs…and I wouldn’t get anything for having straight As.  Typical sibling rivalry, you know?  So then he goes and gets married…argh.  And I had to deal with comments from family members like, “This is Peach.  She’s here [at a family reunion, being introduced to weird friends] because she’s unemployed.  Her brother, Dingbat, is married with kids, so he couldn’t be here.”  (My uncle said that).

 

Anyway, long rambling post to say: obviously you will feel annoyed and upset with your brother, but it doesn’t matter in the long run!

Post # 12
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Why does it matter who gets married first, much less a year apart?  That means that summer 2013-summer 2014 gets to be all about you, and you mentioned you didn’t expect the next two years to be like that anyway.  

Don’t displace your concern for your brother’s situation into concern about yourself and your wedding– separate the two, if that’s really what bothers you.  Also keep in mind that he just mentioned that he would “like to” ask her to marry him… you might be jumping the gun here.

Post # 14
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You should actually be glad he’s doing it before you. That way while you’re figureing out the long-term things like venues and stuff he’ll be so stressed with the small details. Then you could possibly learn from mistakes he made (bad DJ or caterer) and then once he’s had his “moment” then there will be a whole year to “focus” on you as you want it to be. You obviously know you’re in a better position with your relationship and life so let him be. 

Post # 15
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@idopost86:  He isn’t taking anything away from you, though. The ladies here can back me up when I say that no one will care about your wedding as much as you do.

I promise you, your brother wants to live his own life on his own timeline. He isn’t doing this on purpose to somehow detract from your wedding a year later (it wont,) he’s just living his life the way he sees fit.

If your parents are paying, they’ll probably try to help equally to the both of you (maybe less even to him since bride’s parents traditionally pay the majority) That said, parents are NEVER obligated to pay for their kid’s weddings.

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