Post # 1
Okay, so I’ll try to make this not so long. But my brother who is three years older than me has always been the type of brother who has tried to make my life miserable. He’s told me i’m fat, stupid, dumb, ugly, that i’m not permitted to eat at certain times, that I’m not aloud to park in certain spots, etc. He’s pretty much terrible. My fiance can’t stand him and says he can’t stand how he treats me. So me and my fiance got engaged on this past Easter (it was part of the easter egg hunt, super cute). We had only been together for a year, but part of that was long distance (I was in upstate ny, and he was here in jersey), so that obviously brought us very close together. So we’ve been planning our wedding obriously for a while, we were planning it for May 19th, everyone knew our date, we had sent out save the dates, and then, our venue called and said they made a mistake and double booked our wedding and that we had to change our date…so in distress we ended up changing our date to June 9th, and resent out save the dates (we called them “take twos” and had a cute little action sign from the movies, to make light of the situation). So now we’ve been planning this new date for a good three months. My brother, who has been in compitition with me since the day I was born, has been dating this chick who lives 30 minutes away (they call it long distance, bull shit if you ask me). They had been dating for 7 months when he popped the question on her this past Tuesday. Now before he did that, (the sunday before) he showed me the ring and started comparing my ring that my fiance gave to me to the ring he was giving to her! saying that his was better and that mine was small and blah blah. even though mines between a 1/2 and a 3/4 and his is a 3/4 so it’s not even that big of a difference. So anyways, then he popps the question. and she says yes. Yesterday, they both sat down with my parents and were talking about the wedding date. I was at work, i figured they’d pick something not in the near future. Next thing I know, he sends out a mass text to EVERYONE on his contact list (including me) that “Our wedding date is July 7th, Save the Date!” !!!!!!! It’s less than a month away from mine, he didn’t even ask me if that was okay with me. And, all of my relatives (30 total) are flying in for mine, and now they’re expected to fly out twice? or chose between weddings?! and my grandma so old and takes traveling hard. I don’t know what to do, and on top of it, my mothers talking about a joint bridal shower. Thoughts or advice on the issue? Is it wrong for me to be upset about this?
Post # 3
Well, it could be worse… he could have set the date 3 weeks *before* your wedding. People have known about your wedding in the works for much longer, I think that if they were already planning on attending yours, they would not suddenly change their plans and go to your brothers. His inconsideration is to his family and guest more so than you. I dont think you’re wrong to be upset, but you cant control the actions of others. Just continue with your plans and enjoy your day. And what a jerk for comparing rings like that! For the bridal shower, that’s really up to you! If you like her brother gf, and both you dont mind it, it could be a nice joint party. But if you are against it, tell her no, and that you dont want to a joint shower.
Post # 4
Yeah, that’s pretty mcuh what I’m planning on doing, i’m just hurt and frustrated. and about the bridal shower, I already told her no, and she told me I had no say in the matter.
Post # 5
@libs1990: Your brother is the pathetic one. Do not let him hurt you anymore. Do NOT let him in your bridal party whatsoever. He is be a pain in your ass. Does your mother know how he is? I wish you could ban him from the wedding but that’s probably not an option.
You DO HAVE SAY in your shower. If your mother is being inconsiderate of your feelings, tell her you have someone else planning it. It is really the responsibility of your Maid of honor and your bridal party. Truthfully, you can tell her the truth: it is considered bad etiquett for a family member to plan the shower and you want someone else planning it. Do NOT let her ruin this for you. Every bride deserves a great shower.
Surround yourself with good bridesmaids and have them AND your husband run interference on your wedding day. I would have your husband have a ‘talk’ with your brother that he better not spoil the day for you.
Post # 6
@libs1990: If your mother insists on a joint shower, I would make make that your 2nd shower. Have this your “family” shower and then have your bridal party plan your first shower before the date your mother sets.
Post # 7
I second what other people are saying. A joint shower is convenient for your mom, but she should have told your brother that the date was inconvenient and he should reconsider. Unless she’s pregnant in which case I guess I can see her wanting the wedding to be sooner rather than later, though it seems a little old-fashioned. I guess I could see her figuring that it’s easier for family to travel to one shower, but you could always do two showers on the same weekend.
Do what LuvMySailor suggested, if she insists on a joint shower (honestly, I’m not saying that they’ll get divorced but it sounds like YOU aren’t confident that his marriage will last…I know I wouldn’t want to remember sharing my shower with someone who was once part of the family but isn’t anymore because of divorce) then ask your Maid/Matron of Honor if she can please put together a shower thrown by your friends. I know that it’s considered bad etiquette to ask someone to throw a shower for you, but if you’re really close to your Maid/Matron of Honor it might be an okay question to ask and I bet that your friends would prefer that to going to a joint shower…would they need to get a gift for your Future Sister-In-Law too? That would be so awkward.
Post # 8
That’s really awful. My little brother got engaged shortly after me, and is most likely going to get married before us – but it doesn’t bother me in the least because we’re not competitve siblings and I know he would never do anything to puposely try to “out-shine” me. Your brother? Well, pssssh. I would definitely be upset. I know that you can be a little selfish when you’re planning your wedding but he’s ONLY thinking of himself. Regardless of how he’s being with you he’s also making this difficult for the entire family.
As for the joint shower? NO way! Sorry, but if I were invited as your guest to a joint shower I would feel so awkward. Are all people invited supposed to get gifts for both brides? And what about people who can’t afford to go out and spend money on double gifts like that? It sounds like your family needs to be a bit more considerate of not only you, but all of the guests as well.
Post # 9
@libs1990: Also, keep your wedding ideas to yourself. Don’t give your brother any lieway to copy you!
Post # 10
Oh Wow! What a horrible person.
My advice – Don’t play his game. He obviously enjoys hurting you and competing with you, so don’t give him any news that he can use to try to “outdo” you (ie. don’t give him any details about your theme, venue or anything at all wedding related).