Post # 1
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
My wedding is on Sept. 1, 2013 and my younger brother is getting married on Aug. 10, 2013, just three weeks apart. I am really not happy about it at all to tell you the truth. He keeps asking me to help out for his wedding, but I keep declining because I have so much to do as well and then he gets upset.
It is annoying.
I have no idea what our out of town family is going to do, if they are going to go to one or both or what the heck is going on.
I am slightly annoyed by it all and the first thing is that I want my wedding to be better (I know that is childish, but it is how I feel). I am a little luckier because both me and my SO have jobs so we have money and will be able to put a good chunk of money towards our own wedding. My little brother and his SO don’t have jobs and live in my mothers basement.
Anyone else going through something like this?
Post # 3
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
You probably won’t get much support on this issue. You get 1 day and your brother and his fiance (not SO) can get married whenever they choose. Your family members are adults and can arrange their schedules accordingly. Just focus on your own wedding.
ETA: Worrying about family members is one thing, but bringing up your brother’s financial situation is very judgemental and unnecessary. I would send out STD’s soon. I would fly out to 2 weddings in a month for family, but I’d need a heads up.
Post # 4
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
I haven’t, but I think you’re totally justified in being worried about the OOT guests. I know a lot of Bees will say, “You only get one day, not a whole month” but that’s a legitimate concern. There’s probably going to be family members who can only make one, and will have to choose.
Have you sent out STDs or anything? I’d send those out to any OOT guests you absolutely want at your wedding. The earlier notice they have, the better.
Post # 5
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
How did the scheduling end up like this? Who planned first? You have legitimate concerns about OOT guests, but many will go to the one they learned about first or the one that they expect to be the bigger affair so that they have the most opportunity to see and celebrate with other family members. These weddings are still quite far out.
Post # 6
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
@Day_In_The_Life: Having another wedding of an immediate family with so little time in between does put a strain on your relatives who live at a distance and I do think it’s reasonable to be concerned about that. But ultimately, you’ll have to leave it up to them and accept when his wedding it set for.
As to his asking you to do things, feeling annoyed & refusing and him getting annoyed in turn. Take some time, think about what you CAN do to help him out, sit him down and tell him what you can do to help him out. Explain that you can’t do more than that because you’ve got so much going on with your own wedding. An honest and upfront offer of what you can do will go a long way towards smoothing things over.
Post # 7
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
I am slightly annoyed by it all and the first thing is that I want my wedding to be better (I know that is childish, but it is how I feel).
Yes, I agree with you, it’s very childish and you are missing the bigger picture by looking at it as such. You and your brother are starting new families, and as family you both should be supporting each other. You get one day and no more.
Post # 8
Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee
I can understand your concern about the OOT guests and if they’re making it to both or just one of the weddings. I guess it depends on how OOT they are, they may travel back for yours or stay the 3 weeks if they’re able.
I DON’T understand the “the first thing is that I want my wedding to be better ” whole attitude. Maybe it’s because his wedding is so close to your’s, maybe you don’t have a good relationship or maybe you’re competitive, I don’t know but this statement sounds very selfish. If you were my friend and said this to me I’d totally call you out. Unfortunately weddings can be a very stressful time and sometimes don’t always go as you planned. You have no control over what other people do and it includes when a brother plans a wedding 3 weeks before yours. Be thankful for being in love and celebrating your union with family and friends.
Post # 9
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
My brother and I have always been very competitive so that is where it all stems from. The reason they ended up so close to each other date wise is that I am rather religious and most of the month of June and July are out for a Jewish wedding due to a “a month of mourning” so August was the only month we had. I started to plan my wedding three days after I got engaged. He had been engaged for over 6 months and when I said I was looking at August/early Sept. he said fine and then without knowing it he called two weeks later and said “I picked AUgust 10, so you can’t have that date, I don’t really care about when yours is, just not August 10”. I was a little shocked, who calls dibs on a date?
He handled it so poorly I was hurt and upset. I am not asking him to help in anything for my wedding because I know he does not have the time, I figured he would figure the same thing out. Plus his wedding is 2 hours out of town, her family is in the area to help, and I just don’t have the time. I work 45+ hours a week. I am planning a wedding pretty much by myself because my fiance is working and going to school (we are both rather stressed) and in general we are super busy.
I told him that I would not be able to help, but that does not stop him from asking and emailing me and then getting upset when I say I can’t.
Post # 10
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
@Day_In_The_Life: Perhaps he’s feeling hurt and that you don’t support him when you say you can’t help him. Your wedding dates are nearly a year away and while you do work an awful lot, couldn’t you possibly come up with some way to help him say for one day, clear a space on your calendar and give him one day sometime between now and March maybe? If you helped him a little once, explained that you care but that you’re pressed for time, he might be more understanding.
Post # 11
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
@Day_In_The_Life: I completely understand. I’m like that with my brother too. I am getting married next year but he’s been with his gf longer than I’ve been with my FI. My concern was I want to get married first and have a baby first. I’m the oldest, 3 yrs apart. I would be happy either way, I won’t hate him over it, lol, but perfere that I do things first. haha. But unfortunately, they broke up. I’m sad about it, but I would be like you if I was in that situation. Especially because we are having a destination wedding. Usually the bride plans their wedding, doesn’t his fiance have her family and friends to help her? I’m not even thinking about asking ny brothers to help or his family, unless they want to.
Post # 12
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
can you change your date. If STDs haven’t been out I would change my date. I know that it isn’t fair to you, but it might be the best solution if you want to make sure that all of your relatives and mutual out of town guests can attend your wedding.
Post # 13
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
Did I mention he and his FI are unemployed and have all the time in the world to work on their wedding?
Neither of us can change our dates. I placed a downpayment on our place a long time ago.
It is just going to happen 3 weeks apart. I am dealing with it, and I am venting on here. It happens, it is life.
Post # 14
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
@echolove: My concern was I want to get married first and have a baby first.
concerned? racing to have a wedding and a baby before your brother? sorry, but thats really silly.
Post # 15
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
I understand being concerned about out-of-town family that may need to travel twice in a short amount of time, whether or not his wedding is 2 hours away some guests may find it difficult to manage.
However….you’re not doing yourself any favours to continue this competitiveness with your brother. It’s neither a mature nor healthy way to live your life. And his date versus your date should have nothing to do with who makes or has more money or who’s been together longer or who’s older etc.
It sounds like you’re annoyed that they picked their date first and you don’t like it.
Post # 16
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
@Day_In_The_Life: It happens, it is life.
exactly!
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