- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
I just need some perspective on this: my brother today told me that if I invite his ex-wife to our wedding, that he isn’t going to come.
Of course, I feel really upset. I was just shaking and in shock when he texted it. He was the most excited about the wedding and is going to be a groomsman.
Today I was addressing the save-the-dates and asked him if I should put his kids names on his save-the-date or their mother’s save-the-date (they live with her). I should have just decided on my own (why bother asking) but I guess I am glad I did because he had no idea we would be inviting her.
Some background: My brother is 15 years older than me so we aren’t exactly close. He has missed my high school and college graduations. He divorced the ex-wife about 10 years ago – they have 2 kids (15 and 12 years old) and has been married to his new wife for about 5 years. His ex-wife is always nice to me, and we see her a few times a year when she brings the kids to grandmas for a long weekend. She is remarried to someone else who has two kids (nice guy, nice kids).
No one in our family really likes my brother’s current wife… she is seems really stuck up and no one is very comfortable around her. However, my brother is really happy with her so we do our best to be friendly and include her. She is really insecure it seems and keeps my brother on a short leash. We usually only see him maybe once a year for a holiday. I think I have only met her twice since they have been married. So I can’t say I really know her, just the way I feel the few times I have been around her, and the rest of my family’s opinions.
He has a very negative relationship with his ex-wife. Even though I know them to both be really nice, divorce brings out the worst in people. My mom has mentioned several times that she wishes they would both be more mature (I mean, come on they are nearly 40) and put the past away for the good of the kids – just be cordial to each other for their children.
I understand how he would be uncomfortable that his ex-wife is still included in our family. Usually though, I think of her as the mother of my lovely niece and sweet nephew. I don’t have a close relationship with either of them (though I think I might have my brother on a pedestal in my mind).
I can’t tell if I am the one being selfish – bridezilla just wants everyone to do as she says “I’ll invite whoever I want, get over it”
I just want everyone to be nice to each other for five hours for one day so I can have everyone I want sharing our special day with us… to celebrate our love.
I really don’t know what to do about this. I will probably not rock the boat, and just not invite his ex-wife and her husband, but it makes me really sad because both my fiancé and I would like her to be there.
What would you do??