(Closed) Brother in law may be using our reception as his own

posted 6 years ago in Reception
Post # 2
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

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maackerman:  yikes. What sort of things do you think they might do at your reception to use it as their own? 

Post # 3
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I don’t follow. How would they use it as their own?

Post # 5
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

They don’t pay, they don’t say. They do not have toasts, they do not have their personal touches, they do not cut a freakin cake, they do not have control of the guest list. If people congradulate them, fine. How is it their reception if they have no say? Is she going to show up in a wedding dress?

Post # 6
Member
1746 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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maackerman:  wow! Hoping for your sake it is just a joke.  Would they be the type to join you on the dance floor for the first dance or announce their marriage during toasts or try to get the phhotographer to take photos of them?

Post # 7
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

just don’t give them any details.  If they ask, just say “we haven’t quite figured that out yet” or “we prefer to surprise our guests”.  Make sure your DJ or MC or bandleader or whoever knows that no one except you can make any changes to your running order for the reception.  Is your Future Brother-In-Law going to be in the bridal party? If it was me, I’d probably acknowledge their recent wedding (people will congratulate them regardless) but not go any further.

Post # 10
Member
419 posts
Helper bee

Honestly, I’d be very direct about it (or have Fiance do it). You need to know up front that this won’t happen, or you’ll stress about it for ages. Since your wedding is so far away, I’d say you definitely don’t want that hanging over your head. Are you cool with a toast acknowledging them? If so, Fiance should say that. If not, have him say: We’re really excited about you guys getting married so close to us. We are in the planning stage, but we have very specific ideas for our reception so that we can fit everything we want to happen. Or something like that. (And as PP said, make sure the DJ knows the drill.)

I will say, though, that if family and friends are there, it will be natural for them to want to talk to and congratulate the couple. If you aren’t ok with that, you may want to consider another date.

Post # 11
Member
1705 posts
Bumble bee

Is it possible that they’re actually glad you’re having a big wedding because they truly don’t want one, but felt family pressure to have one? For instance, I’m relieved that my FI’s brother had a big, formal affair, because his family got that experience, and now we feel freer to do something more us. I would not give them specific details, and in fact give them as little info as possible (usually a good rule in wedding planning anyway). Treat them as you would any other guests.

Post # 12
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

What a horrible thing. Your wedding vendors are on your side, so if you are truly concerned make sure to:

1. Tell your wedding planner/coordinator about the situation. A great one will watch out for signs of hijacking.

2. Make sure your DJ only allows certian people to make toasts; try to aim for the necessary toats and no open mic to avoid you know what. Also that they don’t come up, ask for a certian song request and make some kind of announcement.

3. Let your photographer know so they don’t wind up in a weird situation of being afraid to say to to taking their portraits.

 

Post # 13
Member
1903 posts
Buzzing bee

That would be super odd! 

Maybe they are just excited/curious about your plans and don’t plan on stealing your reception. 

Post # 14
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

How about you smooth the things over by proposing a toast for them, saying :”I want to raise the glass for my brother-in-law and his lovely wife! Thanks for coming and now we all are looking forward for your wedding reception!” Ta-da!  Just kidding)))

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by danniella.
Post # 15
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee

I would just straight up ask what he is thinking when he says things that make you wonder…it may be that he doesn’t want a big celebration and glad you guys are having one so they can see everyone, but not have to be the one organizing/paying for it…it would be a shame to spend months worrying about it, if it really is innocent…if not, you can nip it in the bud now

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