- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
When my brother-in-law was going through divorce after 32 years of marriage, he lived with us for a full year. We all became very close – like brother/sister. He moved out of state right before my husband and I got married to be with the woman he had an affair with. We didn’t approve, mainly because he was jumping from the frying pan into the fire. At 55, he needed to learn to be single for a little while at least. Also, because she had basically broken up their marriage, we felt it would be best if it didn’t look like he divorce #1 to go be with #2 – if the kids were ever going to accept her.
His sons lived near us, as did wife #1, with whom we were very close. Still, we invited the brother and sons to our wedding but not wife #1. When he asked about bringing #2 to the wedding, we said it was our day, not theirs, and since the kids hadn’t met her yet, we didn’t feel enough time had passed for our wedding to be the setting for that landmark. After living with us for a year, he said he wouldn’t come if she couldn’t come, so we uninvited him and told the boys to bring their mother (his ex). We were embarassed we hadn’t just invited her to begin with.
A year later, the boys still hadn’t met #2, and they weren’t speaking with their father. They remained very close to my husband and me. Brother-in-law’s first grandchild was 6 months old, and he’d never laid eyes on him, so my husband and I decided to make the next move. Maybe if we accepted #2, the kids would, and then he could have a relaitionship with his grandchild. We planned a getaway and invited everyone, and everyone accepted. We covered all the costs for a 5 day family vacation that promised a little healing. B-i-L and his wife invited her father and her young son, and because of their time constraints, they came for just one night. It went well, and the next day, they left.
For several days, we were so pleased. Then he called to say #2 hated us. She hated our dog, felt threatened by how close Brother and I were, and had intercepted emails from me to him that were “inappropriate.” She was cutting us off. He and I were to have nothing to do with each other. I was still on vacay, so I didn’t have a clue what emails she was referring to. We barely emailed each other; mostly recipes! Then he sent an email confirming that he was apologizing to her for “our inappropriateness,” and that would be his last correspondence ever with/to me.
I felt so ashamed, but I didn’t have a clue what I had done. That was 8 months ago. Today I found out that she has done the same with his youngest son and daughter-in-law (the parents of the grandchild). He is not “allowed” to see them, and no one knows why.
To make matters worse, B-i-L’s mother (my own mother-in-law) LOVES wife #2. She says, “She is the best thing that ever happened to him.” Those are her words to the two boys! Their mother is the one who got left behind. Granted, she’s 80, but she ought to know better than to say things like that.
We’ve been silent to date. We didn’t want to interfere with Brother’s life or marriage, but now we’ve been alienated, I’ve been “shamed,” and my husban’s nephew has been hurt. Grandma, who likes no one, loves the woman who has caused all the drama. My husband says just to let it go and they’ll eventually hang themselves (just an expression). In the meantime, these kids are hurting, and I’ve been marked inappropriate when all we did was try to accept her for Brother’s benefit.
Sorry so long. Any advice?