Brother just picked date 2 months before mine…not happy

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 151
Member
614 posts
Busy bee

Yes, people give up easily today. Because they ignore warning signs and marry people that they shouldn’t marry, then are forced to their breaking point and have to divorce. 

Post # 152
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

People do give up too easily. But you’re still in the vetting stage. The vetting stage isn’t about not giving up, it is about vetting to make sure you commit to the right person. 

Post # 153
Bee
5199 posts
Bee Keeper

OP, do you see all the red flags flying in the breeze? I swear some of them must be blocking your vision, because you refuse to see what’s right in front of you. 

OP, you’re not giving up, you’re walking away from someone who enjoys being petty and vindictive. You’re trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. It’s not giving up to say, you know, this just isn’t working for me. It’s self preservation.

Post # 155
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

OMG OP it’s like you’re covering your eyes and going along with this whole drama because you refuse to see what’s right in front of you. Your fiancee is insane and you are enabling her disrepectful, petty and juvenile behaviour. This is an ENORMOUS red flag. It couldn’t be bigger or redder! You’re jeopardising your relationship with your brother – your family, over this. I don’t even know what else to say that hasn’t already been said… Jesus.

Post # 156
Member
614 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
bobtref3 :  No. You are not going to find anyone here who agrees with her. It seems she has this view of marriage that’s “us against them.” She wants you to choose her and her side in any situation, no matter whether you agree with her or not.

Setting aside the reason she is mad, which we’ve established is incredibly irrational and petty, her behavior in dealing with your family is super concerning. Unless we are missing a huge part of the story and your family is actually incredibly toxic and awful to her, she has no grounds to ever ask you to choose between her and them. If your wish was to have a wife who respects and wants a relationship with your family, you are not going to have it by marrying this woman. She thinks she is in the power position and she will be able to manipulate you into doing what she wants at all costs.

This is a huge red flag. Your brother is right. All the PPs have told you this. You seem to not want to acknowledge it. 

Post # 157
Member
3317 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Dude. 

Your fiancee is batshit and so are you for even considering still marrying her. At this point it seems like you’ve made up your mind that you’re gonna entertain her bullshit and refuse to see how fucked up her behaviour is. 

Your funeral man. Have fun.

Post # 158
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

Wowwww none of this is ok! Is this really the woman you want to have to see and talk to every day for the rest of your life?

Post # 159
Member
4180 posts
Honey bee

10+ pages of people telling you that you are making a hige mistake marrying this woman is not enough advice from people who don’t know you???

Post # 160
Member
4180 posts
Honey bee

Duplicate post

Post # 162
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

View original reply
bobtref3 :   It might help if you explained why you also find it *slightly annoying or irritating* that their wedding is 7 weeks before, it may help shed some light on the dynamic of the situation, because for most I don’t think this would be even a slightly annoying situation, and in a couple of your posts you’ve said that you get that its a bit annoying or that you can see why shes frustrated? Why can you see that, because many of us can’t see it at all?

Does she love attention?

Does she not want to travel to their wedding?

Does she not want to be the last to be married? 

I can’t see one viable reason to be even *slightly annoyed or irritated* 

Post # 164
Member
6955 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
bobtref3 :  dude- we have been telling you for ELEVEN PAGES that your fiancee is a fucking asshole or someone with some serious emotional issues that are clearly not being well managed. Your brother calling her behavior a red flag wasn’t him starting a fight, it was the truth.

Your doggedly determined loyalty is commendable but it seems sorely misplaced. Yes, people sometimes give up too easily but also, sometimes assholes get too comfortable showing their true colors and they need to be dumped.

If you marry her (and it doesn’t seem that ANYONE here thinks you should), I would make counseling or individual therapy (for her and for yourself) a requirement to move forward.

All of this effort you’re making to understand her is great but usually the simplest explanation is what’s going on. She’s an asshole.

My concern would be that you haven’t been forceful enough in letting her know how unacceptable her behavior is and you ARE going to cave to her bs and your brother won’t be your best man and by the time you divorce, she will have effectively driven a wedge between you and your family. She has some straight up abuser behaviors.

Post # 165
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

View original reply
bobtref3 :  ^^^^ everything she said X 1000000

 

Please stand up to your fiancee. For your own sake and for your family’s sake.

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