Brother just picked date 2 months before mine…not happy

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 181
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I can’t  believe I missed this thread 2 months ago. I also can’t believe you are still at the same place in regards to this bullshit! In 2 whole months?! Ffs! I would  have told her to fuck the fuck off and then fuck off some more.  She’s gonna wreck your life dude,like I’m really serious here. Next thing will be banning you from going to your brothers wedding,just you wait and see 

Post # 182
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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llevinso :  now hit 13 and I bet my life all 13 pages will continue to be ignored. We will see OP back in a year or two talking about losing his family due to his brother having the 1st grandchild as his wife has gone batshit…..

Post # 183
Member
7326 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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stronger-now1 :  I think OP will no longer (be allowed to) have a relationship with his family long before then if he goes through with this. 

Post # 184
Member
2397 posts
Buzzing bee

Heaven help you if you marry this woman, have kids with her, then wind up divorced.

She will do everything in her power to turn those children against you, she will go after you for everything you own. Those kids will grow up hating you.

If she’s being petty, jealous, and vindictive NOW with other people, she will be petty, jealous, and vindictive in the future with YOU.

Right now, you guys have been fairly “even” in terms of power, and she has been on her “best” behavior. She HAD to be on “best behavior” to manipulate a ring out of you.

Now, she has a ring on her finger and the attempts to gain power over you have clearly started. Her mask is slipping.

As soon as she gains even MORE power over you with a marriage, and then kids, for leverage, you will be treated exactly as she is treating your brother now. 

She will seek to DOMINATE you fully – this will NOT be a relationship between equals.

She is CLEARLY high on the narcissism scale. Any and every aspect of your relationship is an opportunity for her to gain more control over you. She will undermine your own self-esteem, she will make you feel crazy with gaslighting, she will alternately hoover and discard you until, eventually, she grows bored of you and files for divorce.

And by then, your relationship with your family and any friends will be damaged beyond repair. 

She has found someone who is quick to doubt themselves, and she is using that personality trait AGAINST you. She is manipulating you into thinking that “loyalty” means staying with a toxic, abusive partner. She is manipulating you into doubting your own mind and world view. She’s already insisting you discard your own world view and replace it with HERS.

HOW can you not see what she is doing????

She is evil. selfish, petty, vindictive, controlling, and manipulative.

Your brother was not being rude when he spoke the truth, which is that her behavior is a CLEAR red flag. Like, the clearest red flag you could ever ask for. He is concerned for you and for your future. 

Post # 185
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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bobtref3 :  I’m sorry but you’re fiance is being a brat! I get that you love her but you have no back bone , This is you’re brother we are talking about here. ask yourself this would you really get married without him being there and being your best man? . I’m sorry but it sounds like the fiance is jealous here that shes not getting married first , can you just change your wedding date to a month before his wedding or did you send out your RSVP’S already. Ask her if you want to get married first at court and have a reception for a celebration? I mean it sounds like you are afraid to do anything about it so good luck marrying this broad….

Post # 186
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

 

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beethree :  yep I think so too 

Post # 187
Member
6887 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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bobtref3 :  I already gave my whole opinion 2 weeks ago.  It’s clear what type of person she is.

So here are my questions for you now.  Answer them honestly to yourself.  I think we all know the answers already.

Have you been happy for the past two months?  Do you deserve to be happy in life?  

 

Seriously: if you tell your family the wedding is off, I guarantee they will be celebrating in private. They are probably incredibly worried for you. Don’t ruin your life.  Don’t ruin your future childrens’ life.  Every manipulation tactic she uses on you, she will use on them.  They will be emotional wrecks or will realize it and leave home as soon as possible, never to return.

Post # 188
Member
1935 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I don’t even know why bees are trying to convice OP of anything at this point.  It’s clear from his updates that he’s intent on marrying this chic.  If she doesn’t call off the wedding I fully predict this will go on as planned…..without his brother as best man…..with a strained family relationship that will stay that way because…..he ain’t lettin’ this girl go. No siree!

Pity the children bees, pity the children.

Post # 189
Member
5571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

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sablescorpion22 :  

Some people are gluttons for punishment 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s pretty damn scary to think about future conflicts when this is how she reacts to an imagined slight.

I can’t even…

Post # 190
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

OP, how’s it going??!

Post # 192
Member
3322 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

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bobtref3 :  so your update is that you’re still an idiot and still going along with this farce of a relationship? 

Good luck with that. Update us when you get divorced in a year. 

Post # 193
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2020

 

Really don’t appreciate the judge mental opionion up there 🙄

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sboom :  

this site is for SUPPORT. 

 

Anyhow she is is being childish but I do understand feeling uncomfortable around family, however, if she doesn’t get over whatever insecurities she has then your children are going to have a very screwed opinion on what familiy is. Also fear that she will pass these judgements onto your kids one day. Definitely work on this relationship, sounds like your brother and wife need to sit down together, be adults, and hash this out.

Post # 194
Member
1816 posts
Buzzing bee

Here is where I fall on this. 

No matter what the red flags are, you are going to marry this woman. So there’s no point in telling you not to, it’s going to happen. 

However, you said yourself that you are not going to allow her to do this or that…and then lo and behold, you do. She tells you who you can invite to your own wedding. She tells you who you can have as your best man. YOU said you weren’t going to let her dictate that…so how did you end up on a phone call telling your brother just that? Where is your self-respect? You aren’t acting like an adult, you are letting her call all the shots. 

If she wants to throw a fit, leave the room. If she wants to call your brother and have it out with him she can do it alone. If she wants to tell you who you can and can’t invite, she can have her say but then tell her you are doing what you want. If she doesn’t want to come to family functions go alone. And if she dares to say that you don’t support her, turn that right around and tell her she isn’t supporting YOU. For goodness sake, act like a grown man already and stop letting your fiance tell you what to do with your own life. That is literally the only way you can survive this marriage. 

Also, a little more advice – strong-willed women like this don’t respect men who let them walk all over them. She’s going to be more attracted to a man who doesn’t give in to her all the time. 

Post # 195
Member
459 posts
Helper bee

Why would you have her back when she’s being completely unreasonable and out of line and treating your family like shit? Why do you condone her behavior? You say that you won’t cut off your family, but that’s what she is going to eventually expect you to do. Are you going to have her back on that too?

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