Brother just picked date 2 months before mine…not happy

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 196
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m with sboom :  on this one. 

Your fiancé isn’t the right fit for you. She is choosing to cause damage to your relationships with your brother and family for no reason. Why you would want to marry a girl who thinks it’s ok to throw adult tantrums and tear your family apart is beyond me. Do you think you have to marry this girl because you won’t be able to find someone else who is a good fit for you? Because there are plenty of mature, kind, loving women out there who wouldnt make your life this difficult. And you are out of your damn mind if you seriously believe her when she says she won’t want to cut your family off or withhold the kids from your family. Someone as vindictive and immature as her will certainly pull that shit. 

Post # 197
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

You’re going to have a miserable and sad life living this way. You can’t let your future wife treat you like she’s treating you. I think she’s the only person in any scenario that’s being unreasonable. 

I’m gonna throw this out there if no one else in the 14 pages I didn’t read didn’t. She must be SUPER HOT if you’re putting up with this. 

Post # 198
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Can’t believe I actually read all 14 pages of this. Gotta love sick days.

It makes me sad that there are genuine, loving people out there who aren’t fortunate enough to have a partner who will have their back and stand up for them, and end up becoming isolated because of how they are treated. And then there are some great people who will do anything for their partner that end up with assholes who don’t deserve them for a second. 

The OP sounds like a nice guy but I can really see how he ended up with a manipulative bitch unfortunately. No judgement of character at all.

Post # 199
Member
5559 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m normally not one to downplay someone else’s problems… it’s something I never do, I don’t like it, and it’s not helpful. Just because someone feels they have bigger problems than someone else doesn’t make it true.

But… I just can’t with this woman…

What the hell is she going to do when she faces REAL problems? REAL complicated relationships that she has to navigate, and not some manufactured bullshit problems on her part?

I would keep my distance from her bullshit too, she created this for herself, SHE created this manufactured rift between you and your family and now she’s blaming THEM for it.

I seriously just don’t have it in me to even pretend to understand, or even attempt to understand what she’s doing. My tolerance for self created dramatic bullshit that causes problems in other people’s lives is at a zero right now… probably below zero… I don’t know, maybe later, but the fact that she’s deepened her manufactured bullshit drama to the point where it’s creating rifts in your family is just so disgusting to me

But, like pp said, you are going to marry her and have nothing but bullshit drama that she creates, so have fun with that… good luck when life hits you with something that is not manufactured by her.

Post # 200
Member
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Woof, I remember your post from almost a year ago and am really disappointed (though not surprised) that you’re still with this woman. All I can say is read strawberrysakura : ‘s post because it hits the nail on the head. 

“You said yourself that you are not going to allow her to do this or that…and then lo and behold, you do.”

OP, you are completely deluding yourself. You haven’t stood up to your fi once in all this time and I really doubt you ever will. You are between a rock & a hard place, but you put yourself there and it’s only going to continue if you marry this woman.

Post # 201
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee

drabbee :  Yeah you aren’t alone, I totally thought that she must be pretty attractive for him to want to give up his family for her. 

This is how it looks to everyone else:

girlfriend gets pissed, you say no, girlfriend stays pissed, you say yes. 

Your mom is understandably worried that your girlfriend is going to not let you see your family, and you said well of course not. How can you even say that? All that has happened in this relationship is your caving to your crazy girlfriend! You talk about your brother not completely supporting you. In what way has he not completely supported you? All he said was that your fiance was acting nuts. HE WAS RIGHT. Your crazy girlfriend has twisted that into not supporting you, and you are falling for it. Seriously, I bet your girlfriend could slap your mother in front of you and you would still ‘have her back’. Your girlfriend made up a problem based on wanting allllll the attention on her. Not only could she not be happy for your brother and support HIM, not only could she not for a single second stop being selfish and think of someone else for a change, she also couldn’t support YOU or respect YOU. 

The problem here, the REAL problem here, is that she doesn’t love you. If she loved you, she would focus on your happiness. She wouldn’t cause strife between you and your family. She would be happy for your brother and look forward to his wedding. She wouldn’t refuse to attend family events. She would never do anything like that, because upsetting you would hurt her so much. She doesn’t love you, she loves the idea of getting married, and that’s why her feelings on being a bride and having all the attention are more important to her than you. 

But apparently, you are fine with marrying someone who doesn’t love you enough to respect you or support you. In that case, everyone should relax, because this marriage is not going to last anyway. You cave to her every whim, and you don’t shut her down when she’s being ridiculous. Therefore she is happy to have her way but deep down she doesn’t respect you. She is incredibly selfish and vindictive, therefore there’s nothing really stopping her from doing whatever she wants. I think it’s very likely that she’s going to end up cheating on you anyway with some jerk who doesn’t give her what she wants, and then probably be a very vindictive ex and cause all sorts of problems with child custody and finances. 

Post # 202
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

You might as well get used to this. It will never end. I have a SIL who takes any situation she can as a reason for my Brother-In-Law to distance himself from his family. She set out to destroy their relationship long before the wedding, but he married her anyway. Two years in, she starts fights just for the purpose of saying, “Look how bad they treat me!” and other such bullshit. It won’t end until he mans up and ends it.

Something you should strongly consider doing.

Post # 203
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

bobtref3 :  I feel so sorry for you. I hope you find peace. This is just sad.

Post # 204
Member
2460 posts
Buzzing bee

Yes, of course things are going well for you now because you caved into her ridiculous demands. 

I seriously can’t. She sounds nuts and you sound like a doormat. You said you were going to hold your ground, not let her tell you what to do and you didnt do that. You gave in after she wore you down. She absolutely has the power and she is absolutely manipulating and now it will get even worse. She is playing the victim card and driving a rift between your family. This will only grow and dividue your family. 

Honestly, I would feel sorry for you but I don’t because you are ignoring every single red flag and are letting her walk all over you. You saw her true colors and chose to ignore it and now your life is going to be miserable because she will make you constantly ‘prove’ yourself to her. ‘prove’ that you are on her side and have her back, by sticking up for her when she yells at your mom over something stupid, standing by her side when she gets into a full out fight with your brother or supporting her when she keeps your kids from family events. Just remember when your kids don’t know their grandparents and you are isolated from your family that you ignored the red flags and the signs of her behavior. You had the chance to run and you didn’t take it. 

Hope she’s at least a good f*ck to be putting up with all this bullshit. 

Post # 205
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I truly believe this sort of batshit woman actually wants someone to stand up to her. Cave in on the little things but the mad shit like this – no. You tell her no! And if she wants to leave she can. 

Spoiler alert: she won’t.

This is no way to live. There is happiness out there. I hope you find it some day. 

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