Brother just picked date 2 months before mine…not happy

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 121
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

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bobtref3 : 

“I agree.  She has never really acted like this.  Ill say no more bratty than a normal early-mid 20s girl.  Everyone has their moments but nothing close to this extent.”

I would be curious as to what you consider to be the behaviour of a “normal, early-mid 20’s girl”? Being “bratty” ISN’T normal behaviour for an adult of any gender or age…

Post # 122
Member
2047 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

When someone shows you who they are believe them.  Your funeral dude.

Post # 123
Member
7694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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bobtref3 :  Why would you marry someone who has so little care for you and so little respect for your brother/family that she wants to hurt him? There is no excuse for her behavior. Your brother did nothing wrong. SHE GETS ONE DAY. Seven weeks apart is a very resonable amount of time. You are dealing with a childish, vindictive, immature person. This does not bode well for your future. You should be the one thinking of delaying your wedding for a year or two to see if she might grow up. My guess is no. 

Post # 125
Member
612 posts
Busy bee

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bobtref3 :  I’m not in the business of telling people what to do in their relationships so I won’t tell you to run or break up with her or postpone the wedding. But I do believe firmly that people show you who they are, and it’s important that we open our eyes and really see it. It is a safer bet that her behavior will repeat itself than it is that she will get over this and never force you to choose between her and your family again.

So really think about a life with her would be like. We know that she thinks it’s appropriate to try to hurt someone in return for them hurting her. She doesn’t seem to value your family or your relationship with them much. She thinks it’s within her rights to force you to choose between her and your family and throw tantrums/hold important things hostage to get her way. Is that the type of life you want to commit to? Some people are fine with these types of relationships and dynamics, so maybe you are one of them.

Just make sure you really know what you’re getting into before you’re in it. Can you even imagine how she would behave if it came to you needing to divorce?

Post # 126
Member
2047 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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bobtref3 :   Your updates don’t give me any confidence that you’re able to stand up for yourself in the face of ridiculousness.  You’re either going to cave into her demands or not.  You’re old enough to know that life won’t always be sunshine and rainbows so you learn to deal with the hard stuff  well as the easy.

You’ve got a decision to make bee.  Its your life, you get to decide how you want to live it.

Post # 127
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2020 - Windermere, Cumbria

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bobtref3 :  OP, I have been to three weddings in the last two months, all for people in the same family/social circle. Nobody got mad at anyone else for having weddings close to each other. Open your eyes.

Post # 128
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

Can you explain further why your Fiance thinks this matters and how it will ruin your wedding?

From my viewpoint, your brother did not have to consult you two before deciding on a date. 2 months is a huge gap, especially during “wedding season.” I don’t understand how this will negatively affect your wedding. It sounds like your Fiance is being not just crazy, but scarily vindictive for no reason. 

Post # 129
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

Your fiancé is acting crazy but I do have to question why you’re coming onto a woman’s forum to talk about her for nine pages. Stand up for yourself and talk to her about it. 

Post # 130
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

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happyjuju :  this isn’t a women’s forum.. it’s a wedding forum…

Post # 131
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

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sboom :  I just find it odd when a guy comes on here ranting about their wife/girlfriend/fiancé to what is overwhelmingly a female forum. 

Post # 132
Member
6947 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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bobtref3 :  She wants to hurt him because he hurt her?  Let’s put this logic to the test of the future, shall we?

God forbid your brother has a sunny wedding day and it rains for yours, but what else can we consider…

Your 2 year old tells her “I hate you!”… what will she do?

You forget an anniversary… what will she do?

A coworker gets promoted above her… what will she do?

A friend puts in an offer on a house and gets it while your offer on another is rejected… what will she do?

Her sibling (assuming she has one) inherits that piece of furniture she’s always wanted… what will she do?

Seriously, I could go on.  This woman has a terrible, terrible mindset.  She needs to fix it NOW or you would be best served to walk away.  Your life will be a living hell if she gets mad at everyone for every perceived slight on her.  If this is really about daddy issues, then she needs to go talk to someone and get over herself.  It’s no excuse to exclude your brother, it’s no excuse to throw tantrums as an adult.  It’s genuinely concerning and I would postpone any wedding plans until this is resolved.  Which will put your brother’s wedding neatly at least a year before your own.  Maybe she can handle that.

Post # 133
Member
6947 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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happyjuju :  sexist much?

Post # 134
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

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happyjuju :  men need advice, support and understanding just as much as women do… And obviously this is a difficult issue for him to deal with and one that he likely isn’t comfortable talking to anyone in his life about at the moment. I know I wouldn’t be comfortable discussing something like this with my family or friends because what if I decided to try to make it work after telling them all these awful details about the person? 

Why are you being mean?

Post # 135
Member
612 posts
Busy bee

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happyjuju :  A lot of guys don’t feel comfortable talking to other guys about their relationship drama. I think it’s good he wanted opinions and put himself out there to get advice. 

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