(Closed) Brother might not come to the wedding?!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

aww I’m really sorry to hear about your troubles while wedding planning.  It’s really heartbreakin that your brother won’t be attending!  I totally understand though.  My brother also won’t be attending my wedding mainly because his wife is totally controlling him.  I’ve really pushed the whole situation out of my mind and am okay with it now.  I hope you are able to cope with it, I know it’s really sad 🙁

Post # 5
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Wait, your bridesmaid has to buy furniture and so can’t be a BM? Isn’t that the definition of a non sequitur?

In terms of your brother, I would call him and speak with him directly.  If his wife and your parents don’t get along – that is ashame. However, then he needs to go, himself to your wedding. Your siblings!

I’m so sorry you need to be going through this. Best of luck!

Post # 6
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Aw, I’m sorry, that is really crappy.  It sounds like everyone is a bit self absorbed.  That might of been a decision he made out of anger toward your parents, not realizing who the actual victim is.  I hope your brother changes his mind.

Post # 7
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I guess I always knew deep down that he might not come because I know how his wife is and I’ve heard enough stories from my mother.  He didn’t attend my college graduation either.  I didn’t want to admit it because I wanted him there so badly.  I have been telling myself that it’s because of the distance and the cost (i live on the east coast while he lives in the west), so that’s made me feel better…

When I heard from my MOM (not even my brother told me until the last minute when I already knew), I was really sad!  But realized that you’re going to have friends and family surrounding you that LOVE you so much…and it’s really his loss that he won’t see you getting married.  You’re going to have a beautiful, wonderful day! 

Post # 8
Member
815 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry you’re going through this.  I agree with you that it’s much easier for someone to tell you to keep your chin up and focus on the good things, but that’s just about all that can be done in the case of your Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Maybe you can give your brother a little time, and then call him up and speak to him directly.  Let him know how you feel, and ask him to come for you.  I hope everything works out.   

Post # 10
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry, that sucks.  The thing is weddings don’t improve people.  All of our friends and families who don’t care too much about important events or are dramatic or this or that… are that exact same way when it comes to your wedding.  🙁  If your brother and you have never been close…  of if you and his wife don’t get along… or if your brother’s family and your parents have been having a vendetta of some sort it is not too surprising.  Ugh it sucks though.

Post # 12
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

That really stinks about your brother and his wife.  Sounds like there is a lot of drama with the wife and your parents. 

Normally I would say the brother should still come to the wedding, but thats a huge trip to take by yourself.

Post # 13
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Definitely talk to your brother and tell him how you feel.  See if he can make the trip to see you get married, even if his wife doesn’t.  If all else fail, at least you can let him how you feel about missing your big day.  I doubt you’d jump on the next plane if they want you at their next big event if they don’t at least put in the efforts now. Regardless, you’re going to have a fabulous time so forget them!

Post # 15
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I just googled “brother won’t attend wedding” and this thread was one of the first to pop up. Today I was informed that my brother won’t come to my wedding because “he has to work”. The wedding is in a year and a half! I spoke to my SIL too, and I got a very firm “no, we aren’t coming”. They have a son who would be 5 at the time, and I wanted him to be the ring bearer. 

Just thought you would gain some comfort from knowing that others are dealing with the same issues as you. Although, my brother won’t attend because he’s a chef at a fancy golf club (seasonal) and taking a weekend off would simply put the place in ruins. :::smirk:::

My father is furious. What do your parents have to say on the matter?

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