- 2 months ago
- Wedding: July 2017
I need somewhere to get off my chest other than my close family and some friends. Long post my apologies – Im upset so my words are a little prolonged .
my mom passed away 5 years ago, which left my dad widowed . He’s had many, many surgeries ( unbelievable number) from a work related accident years prior. He’s on so much medication it’s honestly ridiculous ( which he needs though ) so he’s here but wouldn’t mentally always trust his judgment /decisions ( he doesn’t work but go to the doctors multiple times a week and is really depressed /has been for years).
Again at times he says things, and you know just to not take it seriously or if obviously cannot do it. He has said he is going to give myself and my 2 siblings (sister and brother) $100,000 each- which of course , I reply – he is crazy, he needs that money for his retirement , can’t take money out of his retirement ( he only just turned 65) as he’s still young and needs that money for many more years in future . So vehemently, it’s a no – and again, he says things at tines, and you just roll your eyes and say, “ that’s no happening – just stop please.”
My brother( he’s 38) has 3 kids with his gf- he has trouble making his bills and making smart decisions with his money ( has spent his money on alcohol vs affording to put his kids in programs like swimming etc . and still “borrowed” lots of money off my dad. He is 38- and as of just few months ago, was still “borrowing “ money off our father – I don’t get involved as I know my dad is a grown man, but it is clearly taking advantage of him, especially given his situation .
Well, houses in our area go for $500,000 plus for starters homes and my brother, who has had issues again with making rent… we find out that he talked my dad into co-signing a mortgage with him. My dad, who sometimes isn’t all cognitively there, who takes over 30-40 pills per day, hasn’t worked in years , is on disability , lost my mom…he had him help sign a mortgage with him.
ladies, (and gents ) I am SO incredibly upset. My brother clearly took such advantage of our father- I almost have no words. He says he is doing what is best for his children and kids – but I said having a mortgage vs renting isn’t what defines a family. And having a mortgage when you have no down payment, and having our dad co-sign when you cant afford your rent , is not a responsible thing to do for your family or the right thing to do .
My sister is furious and so upset – at my brother and partly my dad but more upset for him. We love my nephews and niece and are really close to them- I don’t want them to suffer but I know how I can speak to my brother after this. My sister (who is 40) says it will hurt most for our nephews and niece, but close to cutting off my brothers family completely – that would hurt my heart so much for my nephews and niece.
if he defaults on payments( which is very likely ) my dad, on disability , will be the one to pay or his own home could come into play. We can’t ever say he’s not sound to make his judgements on money , as he wants more than anything, to be “normal” after his accident so that would just put him back by so much and wouldn’t quite work.
The final, final papers haven’t been stopped yet- but what do we do? I am just shocked, hurt , and angry at my brother for doing this – for taking advantage of our father when my brother can’t obviously afford this.
My husband and myself don’t own our home but we have saved $40,000( which you need about 20% down here) and never in a million years would ever think about asking my dad for the money nor co-signing with us , even if we are in different situations and could afford the house – we just would never take advantage of him like that . My brother has no down payment, can barely afford the rent they have, are in the red often on their credit card and borrowed money so many times over from my father.
i know I’m emotional . I’ve never written anything like this. I love my brother and his family and especially my nephews/niece so very much but I can’t stand while this happens. I truly don’t know if there is anything left to do at this post but how do you live with your brother after he takes advantage of your father like this?