(Closed) Brother wants vow renewal same month.

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

“How do I get him to reconsider the timing of his wedding?”

You don’t. Clearly, October 2016 is the important time for him – regardless of why he chose it. He picked it, he announced it, he’s starting the process for it. You haven’t even selected a date yet (“Everyone knows I always wanted a fall wedding” notwithstanding.) You could get married in September/October/November of 2015, or September/November of 2016 if it’s that important that you don’t share a month. At the end of the day, you can’t control other peoples’ behavior, you can only control your own reaction. Send him your congratulations, be excited for him, and don’t let it stop you from rowing your own canoe.

Post # 3
6110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

Have you tried talking to him about your feelings? Maybe he just didn’t know that you were planning to have your wedding that month.

Post # 4
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

….it’s not the same month as your wedding, since your wedding isn’t booked yet. He got there first. You snooze, you lose.

Post # 5
7524 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well, if it makes you feel any better- if I received both invitations from you and your brother, I think I would pick your wedding over their vow renewal (after they have been married for 3 years).  And I say this as someone who eloped for my first marriage and had a party later.

Post # 7
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ktbug, there is only one wedding.   I don’t look down my nose at people who elope and then do a wedding later, but 3 years?  Its a party, that’s all.  I don’t know why your brother is doing this, but I suspect most people will think he is nuts.    Just make certain to get Save-The-Date Cards out early. 

Post # 8
36 posts
  • Wedding: June 2015

Just go ahead with your plans. Your brother eloped for a reason, and probably that reason involves not enjoying planning elaborate celebrations. Both your wedding and his vow renewal are 2 years away. Who knows how his plans will shift in the coming years? Perhaps he actually would prefer that fewer people come to his vow renewal, and scheduling it near your wedding means that he can invite them all, but not have to pay for their food. 

Post # 9
5226 posts
Bee Keeper

Ktbug101487:  I agree with previous posters. There is a good chance your brother is setting himself up for failure by doing this. I would think that most of your family members will choose your actual wedding over his vow renewal. This is coming from someone who wants a vow renewal of her own.

Maybe your brother should talk to some of the family in question and see how they feel? Maybe if they tell him straight up that he is forcing them to choose, he’ll reconsider his date. He could wait until 2017 to do this if he is determined to have October. It isn’t like there is a rush, he is already married.

Post # 10
6586 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ktbug101487:  You seriously want your brother to not plan or pick a date for his vow renewal because you might get married in the fall of 2016? That’s 2 years away? Listen, I think vow renewals are silly….but that’s beside the point. What makes your event choices more important than your brother? You haven’t picked a date yet. If it’s that big of a deal choose another time.

Post # 11
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

starfish0116:  She did pick a date and booked a venue yesterday 🙂


My Darling Husband and I eloped and was planning on doing a vow renewal a year later (next year.) But my brother just proposed to his gf and they said they plan to wed next year. So I’m backing down on my idea and maybe just do a private renewal with my Darling Husband and I and maybe a few friends. I agree with pp that in other people’s eyes, a wedding is more important than a vow renewal and most likely going to your ceremony. I wouldn’t dare to still plan my event and see it as equal as my brother’s wedding. It’ll seem as I’m trying to steal his spot light. Go ahead with your plans. I’m sure they wouldn’t compete against an actual wedding. 

Post # 12
2934 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Ktbug101487:  There’s a saying: “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” Just let it go. Not your problem, unlikely to become your problem. The reality is most people will choose to go to your actual wedding over his vow renewal if the two are close together, so if he chooses to schedule his event that way, it’s up to him.

Post # 13
1379 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

I would choose a wedding vs. a vow renewal anytime. 

Post # 14
297 posts
Helper bee

you could offer to have a double ceremony and split the cost

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