(Closed) Brother went to jail last night…my fault?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
10573 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

His actions and choices led to him going to jail, not what you did.  While he might not have been in control at the time, he choose to take the drugs in the first place.  Hopefully he’ll be able to get his life straightened out.

Post # 5
403 posts
Helper bee

Good for you. Honestly, I feel like at this point jail is his only wake up call left. It is forced sobriety. Jail is better than dead. He needs to keep his head down and do his time. 

Do you think he is genuinely a high risk for suicide?

Post # 6
2533 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It’s not your fault – you do what you need to do to protect yourself and your family.

He had a gun in the glove box of his car… he loaded it and pointed it at your mom – HIS mom – someone who he loves and who supports him.

I think what you did was brave and hard, but also may have kept him from pointing it at someone he maybe didn’t like as much. And it also kept your mother out of trouble – who knows what grief she’d have if he used her gun against someone… both emotional and legal grief.

The situation could have been different, but in my eyes it went very well, and hopefully whatever happens to him next only contributes to making him a better person.

You did great – it’s an incredibly difficult situation and it’s hard, but you did the right thing.

Post # 7
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@distraughtbigsister:  You did the right thing.  I’m surprised the police didn’t come when your mom reported the gun missing, that could have got him put in jail in and of itself.  Either way, it sounds like he was headed back to jail and a probation violation.  This is not your fault!

Post # 9
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Nothing that has happened or will happen to Allen is your fault. He is an addict because he has an addictive personality and because of his own choices. He is in jail because of those choices and actions. Puling a gun on someone is never ok- addict or no addict.

Your whole family, however, is still facilitating his addiction by letting him live with you, giving him money, giving him an opportunity to steal from you etc.

I suggest you get attend some Narc Anon meetings while he is in jail. You will learn a lot meeting with friends and families of other addicts.

Post # 10
404 posts
Helper bee

@distraughtbigsister:  It wasn’t your fault.  It was Allen’s fault for making the choices that led to this situation.  He didn’t have to steal the gun.  He didn’t have to load it.  He didn’t have to point it at your mom.  He chose to do these things.  

Calling 911 was the right thing to do.  Hopefully this is a wakeup call.  But addictions are unlike anything else, and it is SO HARD for people to remain sober.  🙁  *HUGS* 

Post # 11
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

You did the right thing. Hopefully this will get him into a residential drug program for longer than a week and help him.

He was a danger to himself and others. You have to call the police when someone’s life is at risk.

Post # 12
4416 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You absolutely did the right thing. No question. He loaded a gun and pointed it at another person. At his own mother. In the world of gun safety, the #1 rule is “never point a gun at something/someone you don’t intend to shoot.” Ever, ever ever. Not for a laugh, not for a scare … if you’re going to point a gun at someone, you do it because you intend to pull the trigger. If I were you, I would have done the same (or at least I hope I would have the presence of mind to do the same). Your mother may be in denial, but eventually she too will see that to do anything other than what you did do would have been foolish beyond words.

Hoping that this experience helps straighten Allen out a little bit. Hugs for you Frown

Post # 13
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@distraughtbigsister:  A man that points a loaded gun at your mother needs to be in jail.

Be thankful you both have your lives and that you played a part in stopping him.

Post # 14
2573 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@distraughtbigsister:  Wow. Honestly, I can’t really give any advice, but please do not beat yourself up for what you did. You were really between a rock and a hard place, and no one will blame you for what you did.

As weird as it sounds, jail is probably the safest place for him right now. The fact that he took the gun makes me wonder if he’s in trouble with some dangerous drug lord. When it comes to those scenarios, jail really offers the best protection.

Post # 16
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@distraughtbigsister:  You had to call 911 in that situation!  It sucks that you had to call on a fmaily member but his behavior is not normal and he could have hurt or even killed your mom.  Personally I would tell mom that he needs to get out of the house and get help or you’re going to move out to ensure your own safety.  He is a ticking time bomb and who knows what will happen if he doesn’t get help ASAP.  You rmom covering for him is sick and shows that she is an enabler of his behavior even when her own life was in danger.  You absolutely did the right thing!

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