(Closed) Brother's fiancé invited herself to my bachelorette..

posted 4 years ago in Parties
Post # 91
Member
1688 posts
Bumble bee

kittycow:  somewhat of an assumption, don’t you think? 

cmbr:  Your comment is just rude. Several bees agree that the invite should have been extended to her. Sorry that we aren’t all in agreement and that it boggles your mind. I’m not going to explain why extending an invite to your own brother’s new fiance is a good idea, if not outright necessary given the relationship there, because clearly it won’t matter. 

What it sounds like is that OP and her family are a bit out of the loop on brother’s life and Brother freely unloads his worries/qualms to his sister and her FH about his issues with his FIANCE, thus stirring the pot even more in a situation where everyone doesn’t seem to like each other. Brother may be perfectly content with his life as is but puts on the face his family expects when he’s around them because they haven’t hid their distaste for his Fiance. 

As another bee said, this is a lose/lose situation. If you don’t let her come, your brother likely won’t go to the bachelor. And I wouldn’t blame him honestly…your mom probably extended the invitation, so good luck trying not to look rude and mean as hell taking it back. Great fodder for future family relations.

 

 

 

Post # 92
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

desss:  yep! I didn’t want to say this at first because I thought OP’s mom was acting from good intentions–but frankly, the mom and OP also not accepting “no” as the answer and asking again and patronizing the Maid/Matron of Honor,in a way, to say “I’ll pay for her since you can’t” seemed as rude to me as the original question/fiance trying to invite herself. The Maid/Matron of Honor answered and it should have been done and not brought up again…

 I feel like the problem and solution are getting buried in OP and family’s dislike for fiance but it’s frankly irrelevant. They could love her to death but if the host already planned the party-they shouldn’t have asked more than once. (I wouldn’t have a problem with them asking once, I think, but this has gone too far). 

Post # 94
Member
3229 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

That bitch is completely crazy.  You should tell her to grab a hotel room bc she’s not invited.

Post # 95
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

thumperbear:   Stage 5 clinger 😂😂

Post # 96
Member
2328 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

gatsbyaffair:  Uh, did I just read that right? How old are you? 

Invite your future sister in law but don’t feed her and lock her outside to play pranks on her. Oh, and then charge her for it.

Wow…. just wow

Post # 97
Member
1688 posts
Bumble bee

MrsKing212:  I somehow missed that post.

Yeah, please don’t do this or anything like this. Ever. To anyone. 

Post # 98
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Questioning the legitimacy of their engagement is kind of mean, sure. But OP’s brother wanted to break up with her recently, she’s 19, and by his own admission the engagement was pretty one-sided. I don’t see this girl actually joining the family. I see the brother playing doormat until he matures a little and dumps her.

OP, it’s not nice to question their relationship… but frankly I’m over here doing it, too, so don’t feel too bad lol. Can you call your brother and tell him to uninvite her? Is that at all an option? A PP’s comment that she’s likely to lock herself in your bathroom blowing up your brother’s phone and ruining both parties does seem kind of prophetic.

Post # 99
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I also don’t understand why she should have been extended an invitation just because she’s engaged to OP’s brother. The bottom line is this… OP’s Maid/Matron of Honor is throwing her a bachelorette party in her own home and is covering the cost. The only people invited were close friends. OP is not close to the brother’s fiancee so it makes perfect sense that she would not be invited. This isn’t the time or the place to bond with someone, and the fiancee only wants to go to the bachelorette party because she can’t go to the bachelor party. It’s rude of her to want to go now considering the Maid/Matron of Honor has already made plans and accomadations for everyone that they wanted there. The Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t want her there either, and it’s her house, so she should also have a say. 

@OP, I saw the update that as of now, she is going. I would still stress to brother, mom, and maybe even the fiancee, that there simply is no room for her since the party is being held at your MOH’s house and that is has really inconvenienced your Maid/Matron of Honor and the rest of your guests. I am sorry that you’ve been put in this situation where it seems like your brother’s fiancee was going to get her way no matter what with your mom offering to pay and all, but don’t let her presence dampen your party too much. 

Post # 100
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’m normally all about courtesy and making people feel welcome. With that said, OP’s brother’s Fiance is a special snowflake that tried to invite herself to the bachelor party! When that didn’t fly with OP’s Fiance, she is now inviting herself to OP’s bachelorette!?!

A bachelorette party is generally to honor the bride and it’s thrown by someone other than the bride. In this case, OP’s Future Mother-In-Law is hosting; those attending are just members of the bridal party. Everything has been organized months ago. Had the special snowflake not pulled her creepy and stalkerish antics, she’d likely have been squeezed in. She only became a Fiance a few weeks ago, versus the planning of the bachelorette which was done months in advance. Again, if this gal was not certifiable, the OP would likely have extended the invite. It’s not up to the bride’s Mom, nor her brother to decide who comes to the bachelorette party when neither are hosting! How would OP’s brother like it if his sister decided who all would show up to her brother’s birthday or bachelor party? Not very much I bet.

Respect and courtesy are extended when they are reciprocated. I agree with PP’s that said the OP’s Mom should not have offered to pay for the brother’s Fiance when her Future Mother-In-Law already said things were already planned and this would be out of budget. Let the host do her job and don’t meddle. The OP had already invited her brother’s Fiance to her wedding and since she’s not a part of the bridal party, (and just bridal party are invited to the bachelorette party), there’s no need to include her.

OP your brother is a grown man and he needs to be able to go places without his Fiance tagging along and keeping tabs on him. Just so he can attend your FI’s bachelor party, he’s siccing his Fiance on you? Not cool. I know that as Canadians we have a reputation for being “too nice” and not being able to say “No” but sometimes those things are necessary so that we don’t end up being door mats.

Good luck!

Post # 101
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

maritimebride2016:  Your brother’s fiancée sounds very immature. However, she’s his fiancée. If you want to maintain a relationship with your brother and support him through his marriage and realationship (and why wouldn’t you?) then you need to be more accomodating to her and actually a little more sympathetic. Chances are she hid in his room at Christmas because she didn’t feel comfortable socaialising with you guys. I also understand that making her feel secure and content is probably your brother’s biggest priority. And she’s only 19. It would have been nice for you to invite her to your bachelorette party. It is most definitely rude that she invited herself, but I really think you need to be gracious and happy to host her. Well, your Maid/Matron of Honor does. Give her a warm welcome, let her come to the party, and work on getting to know her. Your brother will thank you. You owe him that much, even if you don’t owe it to her. You have the ability to make the best out of a bad situation, and you should. Be the mature one.

Post # 102
Member
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

MrsKing212 :  It wasn’t meant like that. 

It’s very fair to say if you invite yourself to an event that has a cost, you should pay the cost and not the host. If your going to be rude (and in this Bros gf’s case, clingy too, then you should pay for the cost. It is unfair that a guest is rude therefore Maid/Matron of Honor or mother should pay. Girlfriend should take responsibility for her own cost. It’s not fair to Maid/Matron of Honor to deal with a rude guest.

And yes, drama like OP said she has done should result in being asked to leave or something similar. I have no problem if I guest gets too drunk (epecially if it’s not that kind of party) calling them a cab or asking them to leave. I live in an apartment and am not going to jeopardize my lease over an uninvited guest or bad plus one. (We had an incident where a girl invited herself over for a house party, proceed to break dishes, then cut herself sort of badly on broken glass that she broke because she was high and drunk. She didn’t want to go to the hospital so we had an emt friend patch her up , and then a cab was called. She was posing a danger to others…and clearly needed to be in bed to sleep it off. No one else was drunk or high. Im really not feeling the gf side at all. Ive also asked a guest’s bf to leave because he got racist about my family in my own house and refused to knock it off or back down. I dont think it was a bad call. Nor do I think it would be wrong if I had poured a beer on the dude. You can’t be racist to your host and expect it to be ok. Bad guests can be bad and wreck a party). OP discusses an event where girlfriend locks herself in her mother’s bathroom and pukes everywhere…it’s OK to say you don’t want Maid/Matron of Honor to deal with that.

A few bees seem to think that just because someone is engaged they are entitled to come. It’s fair that Maid/Matron of Honor says she can’t afford to have extra people and it throws off the guest list. It’s fair that they can’t accommodation everyone. Everyone who has done a guest list knows you have to cut someone (see guest lis drama posts). And it’s fair to cut someone who is dramatic at events or cant respect another’s home at all times. It sounds like the gf doesn’t want to be alone, and that is not the op’s problem. 

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