(Closed) brothers ‘girlfriend’ at the wedding??

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Have you spoke to your FH about it? What does he say? Maybe he can be the one to make sure they don’t bring their “girlfriends”.

I am allowing a plus one for everyone that is single.

Post # 4
26 posts
  • Wedding: September 2010

Whahaha. I swear, I could have wrote this post.

When I was in my hater mode, I wasn’t going to let my brother’s bring their girlfriends. I didn’t like ’em. They were allowed a date, but I had final say on whether or not the girl was allowed.

But now, I’m all “eh.” Whatevs. They can bring whoever they want BUT if they want to bring a no-good tr*mp one night stand kind of girl, then they have to buy me a reallllllyyyy good present and be the best groomsman ever! I’ve told them that, they’ve agreed, and I’m cool. I’m sure they’ll bring someone – I just have no clue who.

Honestly, it gets mmmuch easier if you don’t worry about it. It can be sooo frustrating (I have three brothers, and I’m the only girl, so I know) but in the long run, you’re in a better place emotionally.

Good luck!

Post # 5
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

i would suggest waiting until closer to your wedding to make a final decision…you have plenty of time. 

imo, just let your brothers know that if they are still dating these girls closer to the wedding and things are going well then it can be discussed. i’m not sure why the decision has to be made now, 7 months before the wedding. your problem might be solved on its own if they are no longer dating at that point….don’t stress about this right now!

and i can totally relate to disliking a brother’s girlfriend. my brother has always dated the dumbest girls with the largest fake boobs until his current girlfriend. and while they haven’t been dating FOREVER i couldn’t imagine her not being at our wedding in june 2010.


Post # 6
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

What if they’re still dating in June? That’s 6 whole official months of dating. Not dating “ish”. Dating “ish” just makes the girls sound kinda skanky, lol.

Post # 7
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree with the PPs, just wait awhile to make that decision.  After an additional 4 months, the girls may become more “serious” with them, or be totally out of the picture.  You can make your final decision right before you send out the invites ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with the pp, it’s really early to make that decision.  Things may work themselves out by the time it’s your wedding, and you will have created stress for yourself now for no reason.  Or, they may have been dating for several months, which at that point, it’s probably time to smile, let the girls attend, and realize you probably won’t see much of them at all.  I only have sisters, but I recall not really liking one of the boyfriends at first.  Granted, I wasn’t getting married or anything, but I was, hhmmm, let’s say a little cold to him for awhile.  He ended up becoming my Brother-In-Law and once I gave him a chance, he turned out to be a really cool guy and I’m glad he’s part of my family.  I don’t think you said how old your brothers are, but one of these girls could end up being the one, and I’d hate for you to have the memory I have of being not so gracious.

Post # 9
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Definitely don’t stress yourself out by making a decision right now. We are date twins and I know from experience it’s too early to fine-tune things like that. If they demand to know right now whether the GF’s are invited, just say something non-committal like you’d love to give everyone a plus-one, but it’s going to be a small wedding so you’ll have to let them know when the time gets closer. I’d put my money on at least some of them breaking up by then. OR the impossible could happen and  maybe you bond with any of the girls and actually WANT them there. I’ve changed my mind about a few people already!

Post # 10
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh gosh!  That’s so rough.  I completely understand where you’re coming from.  My FI’s groomsmen are ridic, 1 is dating someone new every 45 minutes, the other is dating a girl who is a lunatic (she comes alone to all the parties he’s invited to and pretends he brought her, she gets drunk and starts a fight with him… never fails!).  They expect to be able to bring a date… wrong!  I was lucky  because my Fiance agrees that they shouldn’t bring these guests and he’s going to handle it.  I think your Fiance should handle his brother’s and you have to be totally, explicitly, direct with yours.  Tell them you’re strictly following the wedding guest etiquette, unless they are living together or married- its a no go!  If you feel that strongly about it, you don’t have to be overtly bitchy, but just firm.  The last thing you want is drama and I’m so sure they’ll have fun without these dates.

Post # 11
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

I would be a little nervous too, if i were in your shoes. Thankfully I only have one brother who’ll be bringing a girl he’s not serious about, and I’ve specifically planned out all of the family pictures, which she’s not in. (Only engaged/married are included).

But, keep in mind that you are still about 7 months out, and if they aren’t serious, it probably won’t last until the wedding and you won’t have to worry. At least not about those specific girls. Let your brothers know about not wanting them in the family pics, and about managing it if any of them cause a scene. Maybe there’s a male friend or friend’s husband that you are close with that can try to handle it if anything arises? You’re far enough out right now, that I would just let your brothers know your expectations, and then let it go for a few months and see what happens. Maybe discuss it again right before invites go out?

Good luck.

Post # 12
683 posts
Busy bee

Remember, all those headed for the breakup train do so around spring, so they’re free for the summer…. I wouldn’t put a second thought into just letting it sit for a bit.

Post # 13
1565 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with previous posters about waiting a while to figure this out. Once you do make a final decision, maybe try to phrase the reasons to your brothers a bit differently than what you said earlier. I think if I was told “I don’t like your SO and they’ll cause drama at the reception, so they can’t come,” I would be offended and become defensive. However, if you focus more on the budgetary restrictions and the size of the wedding (rather than a personal attack on these girls), I think it’s a better reason to say no.

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Post # 14
865 posts
Busy bee

i say, be a bitch if you have too.  it’s obviously gonna put strain on your big day if theyre there.  your brothers are family, I’m sure they love you and should understand your feelings.

Post # 15
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m in a similar situation. My fiance’s youngest brother has an on-again, off-again “girlfriend” who always brings the drama. We had the whole “starting a fight at the dinner table” experience last winter – so awkward! Anyway, see if you can get any other family members on your side. My Future Mother-In-Law is more adamant that this girl not attend our wedding than we are. My fiance and his other brother are going to sit down and have a talk with him – not just about why this girl shouldn’t attend the wedding, but also why it’s not the best idea in the world to date someone who treats you like crap. I think you can have a similar conversation with your brothers without coming off like a bossy sister.

Good luck!

Post # 16
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Since they are your brothers, I think it is perfectly acceptable for them to have dates….if they were friends, I would say no. Just be firm during picture time that pictures are for family only. Maybe have the photographer take pictures of the couples and then they can purchase the pictures for themselves and you don’t have to put them in your wedding album. It is YOUR day, but remember, it is also an important day for your family. They are excited for you and want to be there for you.

Also – your wedding isn’t for another 6 MONTHS! Wait until you send out invitations to make these decisions. 

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