(Closed) Brother’s girlfriend is upset

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Big old “whatever” to that if she gets upset. You can’t put your life on hold or feel guilty for getting engaged. It’s not your job to worry about this, though maybe advise the brother that if he’s serious about marrying her, a specific timeline and a promise ring might go a long way.

Post # 4
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with KatyElle.  My older sister dated her husband for a few years longer than I had dated mine, but we didn’t wait for them to get engaged (they ended up getting engaged not long after us).  It’s all about when you are ready as a couple, not when other people are ready!  I just wouldn’t say anything unless she mentions it to you, then just be sympathetic and say exactly what you think – it’s a good financial decision for them to wait.

Post # 5
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Maybe he’s afraid your engagement will make her put pressure on him to set their own timeline. 

It’s possible she won’t get upset, he’s just guessing.

 

 

Post # 8
Member
3947 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Definitely don’t attempt to handle anything.  This isn’t something that should even be addressed since it’s so silly that she feels this way. It’s to be assumed that someone is going to be a little jealous, and it’s completely normal.  It’s a non-issue in the end of things and she’ll get over it.  She’ll have her time when it comes. 

Post # 9
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

It’s sweet that you’re concerned. I doubt she’d really bring it up to you if she was upset so unless she does I don’t think you should do/say anything about it. You definitely can’t put your relationship on hold because someone else’s isn’t at the same place as yours. If she does come to you (to vent probably) then just remind her of all the reasons it’s good for her to wait right now…school, age, etc. Like if she says she’s tired of waiting say something like “But think about how good it’s going to feel to be able to plan a wedding without worrying about finals.” I think it will help her to refocus on why now isn’t the best time for marriage.

Post # 10
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You can’t put your life on hold because of the plans she has with her boyfriend. It’s your life…and you have to live it. She’ll have to deal with it. 

Post # 11
Member
3982 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I wouldn’t worry about it. I would be sympathetic to the fact that she really wants to marry her SO but you aren’t doing anything wrong. I also would be careful not to rub it in her face though.

Post # 12
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I like the idea of the OP’s B telling his brother to think about at least mentioning a tentative, “Let’s see how we are as a couple once school is taken care of,” timeline.  I’ve been with my SO a LONG time, but I haven’t been “waiting” in earnest until about 5 years ago – even though I admit to being jealous of girls who got marraied (and managed to stay married) young, sometimes because a bundle of joy was enroute, I knew I wasn’t ready for that, and that my SO was even less, so.  I think it’s very caring that the OP is worried, but it’s really up to her BF’s brother to make sure his Girlfriend is content – not her.  Maybe she can think about, depending on the length of the engagement, about including the brother’s Girlfriend in some way in the wedding planning, even if she’s not going to be included in the party.

Post # 13
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee

Yea, I wouldn’t even bother with it. She’s jealous… so what? I’m jealous my cousin just got a new puppy, that doesn’t mean she should feel bad about it 🙂

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