(Closed) Budget Guilt

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Well, when we first got engaged I flat out asked my family how much they were thinking of contributing. My mother said not much, so I was fully prepared to make it work with what we had. Well, so far my mother has not let me pay for anything. Everything I pay for she finds out how much it cost and transfers money into my bank account. It’s great that she’s being so generous but at the same time I feel really bad and almost incompetent. Like, I’m in high school again and kids are teasing me because my mommy and daddy helped buy me a car. This is my wedding, but the more they contribute, the more I feel like crap about it. 

Post # 4
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I totally know how you feel. My guy and I weren’t even planning on doing anything major because we just couldn’t afford it. But then my parents stepped up and offered to pay for the entire thing. I am still trying to keep costs down as much as possible, but I still feel guilty. I’ve always been like that though. I even have a hard time with my guy buying me groceries. LOL. My best advice to you is to just focus on being grateful. I am continually singing my parents praises. They are amazing people. As to people who say things behind your back, honestly, they are just jealous because they probably didn’t have as nice of a wedding or had to pay for it themselves. There is really nothing you can do about it, but ignore it. Which I totally understand is easier said than done. I am the same way.

Remember though, LOTS of people have their parents help contribute to their wedding. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and others need to get over their insecurities and just be happy for you. Maybe try explaining this to people if you ever catch them saying something about you. Best of luck, girlie! I hope things get better soon!

Post # 5
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My parents are paying for my wedding, and I have the same kind of guilt – but more because i have a job and I feel like i could have somehow saved money for it myself. Granted, nothing like what they are spending, most likely something very small. But my family is the same as yours and family and a big wedding is very important to them. My dad even says the wedding isnt about me and my fiance – its about family! haha.

Luckily, I havent heard about anyone talking behind our backs, but I do feel bad because most of my friends who have gotten married recently, have paid for it on their own. But I never had a 1st car, or a sweet sixteen or a $20,000 college – so, my parents wanted to give this gift to me. I sleep at night knowing that it makes them happy to do it, and that they wouldnt have it any other way.

I think your parents sound the same as mine – they love you, and this is their gift to you! Dont let other people make you feel bad. They are most likely talking because they are jealous. I know its not easy to ignore, but if you know whos talking about you specifically, maybe you should casually confront them, and remind them that your parents love you and this is their gift to you for your wedding and its none of their goddamn business! 😀

Post # 6
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

yeah. . no guilt! i am a doctor and so is my Fiance and we are not paying for anything ourselves besides me paying for half my dress, and us paying for our rings and bridal party gifts. I think at our age (29 and 33 when we get married) we’ve realized there is no shame about accepting a gift. . it’s just that, a gift. it gives my parents joy to be able to give. . .it’s just like your engagement ring. it is a sign of love.

Post # 8
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My parents paid for most of our wedding, and we contributed about $10,000. We are 33 and 35 and both work full time. My parents offered my three siblings and I the same amount for our weddings, it’s been something they saved for an planned, and they were excited to do it.  Zero guilt. I was happy to accept the generous gift from my parents. I get that some people roll their eyes at “daddy paying” but that’s their opinion. They are happy not accepting money from family members, and you are happy to accept from family members, then it sounds to me like everyone is happy and it shoudln’t be an issue. 

If that is not the case and they are talking shit about your wedding just because they are jealous or have no life,  then don’t invite them. ifyou weren’t planning on inviting them anyway, I wouldn’t worry about what they say.

Post # 9
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i know how you feel! remind yourself that they’re doing this for you because they want to, and be very appreciative! who cares what anyone else says!

Post # 11
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

our wedding is not a “budget” wedding by any definition, and sometimes i see posts/blogs here and on other sites that passive-aggressively (or directly) put down large budget weddings, especially when the parents paid for a good chunk of it. sometimes i think ‘ouch…’

but you know what? i don’t care. we are having an expensive wedding. our parents are paying for 75% of it because they WANTED to and have the ability to do so. it was “use it or lose it”–it wasn’t like we had the option of taking the money and saving it for a house. so you know what? we are going to spend every damn penny, not feel guilty, and enjoy our expensive wedding that our parents mostly paid for. this wedding is for them too!

Post # 13
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think there is a sentiment (not just here but everywhere) that women who have expensive weddings do not care about their husbands or the actual marriage. Like if you have a traditional ballroom wedding with all of the bells and whistles or spend $10,000 on flowers that means you are an ugly bitch with no ability to love. lol. That’s what makes people feel guilty I think.

Post # 14
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Don’t feel guilty!  They are paying for it because they love you and want to.  Accept it with love and disregard what others are saying.  They got the chance or will get the chance to do things the way they want to.  This is your chance.  Do what you want.

My dad is contributing about 1/2 the cost of our wedding, and we were planning on paying for the other 1/2.  However, other family members have really surprised us with contributions.  I picked out a dress and my aunts came together to pay for it as a surprise!  My FI’s parents said they wanted to pay for the photographer, my grandparents for the wedding cake, and  another set of grandparents just told us last night they’re writing us a check for $4000 to use however we want in the wedding.  Instead of feeling guilty I’m appreciating that I have family members who want to celebrate with us and are generous with us.  It is really touching.

Do not feel guilty!  They love you and want you to have the day you want.  Enjoy it!!

Post # 16
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My wedding is being paid for by my parents, my mother always said they would and when we got engaged my father set a budget.  Fiance father is paying for the rehearsal.  I don’t feel guilty, my parents have always wanted to do it and I’m doing my best to stay within my father’s budget (it’s actually my mother who is blowing it, but that’s between my parents).

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