Post # 1
So when my FH starting planning our wedding we were very clear that we were going to stay within a certain budget and have a small intimate wedding. This is the 2nd marriage for us both and we have a large blended family so we didn’t feel the need to go all out.
After just a few months of planning our budget has more than doubled. Our guest list if still under 100 but he has reuested a very exspensive photographer, photo booth, classic car, 3 different venues, etc. etc. etc.
Granted he is paying for the wedding and he was very clear to me that his last wedding he had no say so in the planning and was very much not his dream wedding. So I want him to have his dream wedding.
I just keep looking at the budget and the total cost and can’t seem to allow myself to enjoy the planning since I think the budget is waaaay out of hand. I just keep thinking we could buy a new car, remodel the bathroom, go on a very nice vacation.
Our initial budget was 10K we are now at almost 30K not including honeymoon or rehersal dinner and I see it going higher. He is fully aware of the costs and doesn’t seem to mind.
Should I put my foot down and say no to his requests or let it be.
Post # 3
I think you should find a way to compromise. Let him have some of the things that he wants but 30k is a huge amount of money.
Post # 4
Does he realize how much you’re total is? I know my Darling Husband has expensive taste and wanted a lot of things and those things on their own like photographer sound reasonable and what not, but when you add it all up, that grand total number was something he did NOT agree with.
You definitely need to talk to him about your concerns. It’s one thing to let him have a say in the wedding, it’s another to let him spend an amount you’re uncomfortable with. You should be able to come to some sort of compromise.
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I think you two need to have some conversations about money, spending philosophies, saving philosophies, priorities, etc. Is this really about how much should be spent on a wedding, or is it about financial planning for the future, how much value you place on the wedding, a personal desire to have “the best”, an emotional need to demonstrate one’s wealth, etc.?
Post # 6
Haveyou said to him, “Honey, I thought we agreed to keep the wedding under $30k. What happened to that? I don’t feel comfortable spending triple our initial amount?”
Have you said that yet?
You said he is paying for it. Are you going to merge your money after marriage or keep it all separate. I think in a way you both are paying for it.
Post # 7
You need to sit down with him and say that everything he’s requested has tripled what you originally planned on spending. That’s way out of hand, and you need to sit down to figure out where to go from here!
Post # 8
Would “putting your foot down” even work?
Is he capable of discussing these matters, being logical, come to a comprimise? I am curious.
Post # 9
There are a million ways to spend one’s money and apparently your Fiance thinks it is important (as I do) to have the wedding of one’s dreams. If he is able to afford his elaborate and expensive wishes than I really think you should let him.
I understand your concern for the budget and what other things that money can go for but you have the rest of your life to buy a car, remodel the bathroom etc. Obviously this is important to him.
If things start to get to the point where financially you are both strained then a conversation is in order, otherwise enjoy where his creative mind takes you both.
Post # 10
As much as you say it’s his money. This is also money that will not later be brought into the marriage.
If you agreed on a #, then you should try to at least stick close to it. 3x it already and doesn’t include everything doesn’t sound reasonable.
It sounds like you two need to have some serious money discussions because there is so much more to married life then there is the wedding. If he is this over the top about the wedding it will be something else next time.