Post # 1
Fiance and I finally sat down and talked about wedding planning. He doesn’t want to be heavily involved in planning. He wants me to plan, and just get opinions from him as things progress.
So, naturally, step 1 is budgeting. I know what my parents are contributing, I know what I can afford to contribute. Fiance will know in a couple of weeks what he can afford to contribute. All that’s left is talking to Fiance’s parents about what they are comfortable contributing, if anything.
Future Mother-in-law and I have casually discussed our wedding budget in the past, and she indicated that they DO want to contribute to the wedding. She did not give a specific amount, though. Fiance wants me to discuss the specifics with her since I will be the one doing most of the planning. He thinks it will go better because we have already discussed it casually, and in his words – I’ve been a daughter to his parents for years.
I was really hesitant to talk to her about it at first, but since she has been pretty frank with me about financial things already and in the past (non-wedding matters, too) – I am reluctantly considering having the discussion with her.
Any tips, suggestions, or thoughts on how to go about this?
FWIW – I am extremely close to and comfortable with my future in laws.
Post # 3
I would say no matter how close you are, this is a conversation your fiance should be involved in and lead even if you are there.
You could ask them do they want to pick something to pay for or would they like to give you a check for whatever they are comfortable with for you to use as you see fit.
I would go with a list of things they could pay for like flowers, bar, rehearsal dinner, etc. I would do a little research for your area so you know about what these could cost so they have an idea.
Post # 4
Well, what his mother said to me before (she said it – I didn’t ask; we were just talking about what I found out one of our possible vendors charged) was “you guys just need to let us know when you figure out your budget, and we’ll figure out how much we can contribute to it.”
Which would be fine, and I would do exactly that, except that we can’t really set a budget w/o knowing what they want to contribute.
Post # 5
This is a conversation that HAS to be done by your fiance. If it needs to be you AND your fiance, then that’s ok. The two of you need to sit down and decide what would be good to say. Probably the best way to go about it is to be very frank. Say to them that you are starting to get into the planning phase of the wedding and would be thrilled if they could contribute. If they want their money to go to something specific, let that happen. If they want to give you a chunk of change, then use it wisely and thank them for specific things you decided to do with it.
Post # 6
Well then figure out what you can afford, without her help and let her know.
Figure out how much you and your fiance can contribute based on what you have saved and are willing to spend, plus what you can save each month. That combined with your parents $ is your budget. And anything she gives you, obviously, is bonus.
Post # 7
I think you could be there and that would be fine, but your Fiance needs to take the reins on this convorsation.