(Closed) Budget issues… would this be tacky?

posted 7 years ago in Reception
  • poll:

    Yes, that's tacky to make everyone pay for their own

    No, feeding all those people is pricey

  • Post # 92
    9947 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Etiquette Snob here… lol

    I have read your OP & your Updates… and I believe I have the perfect solution for you.

    As others have said, if you Host a Wedding… then you are supposed to Host “some sort” of a Reception to thank your Guests for coming

    The most inexpensive way to do this is to have a Punch & Cake Reception immediately after the Wedding… often in the Church Hall or a Community Hall (Community Centre – Mason’s Hall – Legion etc)

    IF that isn’t what you envision for your Friends & Family then you have a few other choices, but it means changing the style of your Wedding (from a Family one) to:

    An Elopement OR a Small Intimate Wedding.

    An Elopement you can do as a run down to the Courthhouse… or do a Getaway / Vacation

    A Small Intimate Wedding you can do with immediate family either as a run down to the Courthouse… or in a Chapel / Church / Other Venue

    If you do that, then you’d still need to host something for those that came out and supported you on your Big Day… but if it is just a handful of people it won’t be overly expensive… and you can control costs in so much as you can decide who gets invited (just Parents for example) and where you go to eat / celebrate afterwards.

    Sometime after the Elopement or Small Intimate Wedding you could then have a “Wedding Celebration” and invite Friends & Family to that…

    In which case you don’t have to be the Hosts at all…

    You could ask your Inlaws to host as they have offered… and they could then make all the important decisions on how it is organized… be that a Meal at a Restaurant, a Backyard BBQ or a Pot Luck.  The ball is in their court.

    Seeing as you don’t see the need for a big elaborate Wedding, or spending a lot of money on a Reception (I get that in that a house is a bigger priority for you guys) I think this is the perfect solution as it meets ALL the things on YOUR WISH LIST and that of those around you who are saying you absolutely need to have a Wedding & Invite them.

    And as a BONUS it doesn’t do anything that is against Etiquette or risk offending any Guests.

    It would be the route I’d take in this situation

    Hope this helps,

    PS… Mr TTR & I Eloped… and it was wonderful.  We were also pressured by Family & Friends not to (lol, was never going to happen… as Encores we had NO INTEREST in having a Traditional BIG White Pouffy Family Wedding… as we had BOTH had those before).  We did see tho how soooo many people truly LOVED us and were Happy for us… and that they wanted to truly celebrate with us.  So we organized a Reception Party for after we got back from our Honeymoon.  It worked… and it was a ton of fun.  All the benefits of a Regular Wedding Reception without the cost as we got out of having a Sit Down Meal… and just threw a Party.  That saved us TONS of money.

    Also, as we didn’t Invite anyone to our Wedding, we followed Etiquette… and didn’t Register anywhere.  So when we had our Reception, altho Gifts were something we didn’t necessarily care about or expect at all… we were pleasantly surprised to discover that most people gave us something… and for many that was Cash.

    I am saying this, cause this could work in your favour seeing as you guys are saving up for a house.  By not registering… people wanted to give something, and something we could use as we pleased… so it was money.


    Post # 93
    9251 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @Emjai101:  Well where I am gift registries and especially wishing wells are considered equally as rude. We are laid back people but expecting gifts is just plain rude and even though at the wedding you attended people paid their way I would bet that more than half of the guest list were offended by it but just too polite to say anything to anyone.

    I think there are many ways to celebrate a wedding that doesn’t include asking guests to pay or breaking the bank. i think the biggest problem is that brides and grooms seem to have champagne tastes and beer budgets and do not want to compromise. Everytime I read of something like this I never see the bride saying she is going to wear a white $30 target dress because they don;’have the money. No they still wear an expensive dress(over $200 and in some cases thousands of dollars) but feel justified cutting stuff from the guests or asking them to pay. Now I think that is the real double standard.


    Post # 94
    502 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    If they are the ones that want the big wedding, then they need to pay a big chunk of it. 

    Post # 95
    1471 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    View original reply
    @j_jaye:  I vaguely remember a discussion a few months here where it was pretty much determined that in certain parts of/ groups in NZ and Australia it was normal, and in other parts was rude and unheard of. 

    It was one of the biggest tensions in my family over the wedding. My mother couldn’t understand for the life of her why it would be a problem (in the US), and felt it was me rejecting my culture by paying for the reception for everyone. In the end we got an amazing deal, so everyone was happy :p


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