Post # 1
i was just curious if this had happened to anyone else before… So I bought my dress months ago, and it was well within my budget. I bought watters Lourdes preowned, beautiful dress, and paid about $750.00. Great deal, right?! Well, a few months ago my fiancé and I thought we had sorted out our guest list, but our parents were actually offended that we wanted a small wedding and didn’t want to invite anyone other than immediate family (example:my parents wanted their aunts and uncles there!!) I was upset because I didn’t want to spend that much money and I just don’t like add idea of getting married in front of a huge crowd. Well, my parents continued to fight with me so I let them have their way since I’m just non conferentational and hate fighting. Mind you, my parents did offer to pitch in so that made the decision fair to me. Now the thing is, they continued to add more people and their chipping in wont cover all those people. I don’t know what else to do to fit it all in the budget but try and re sell my dress and just pick up something relally cheap, but I’m just not sure ow easy it would be to sell the dress even though it’s in perfect condition! I don’t really care what I’m going to wear as long as I get to marry my fiancé!! I’m so over the cost of weddings and everything, I just want it to be here and no hard feelings between us and my family or my fiances family.
has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do?
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
Can’t you just tell your folks the guest list is CLOSED. There is no more money! Just be firm!
Post # 4
Also, as a nonrelated comment, you may want to ask to have your username changed so it isn’t your email address.
Post # 5
Why don’t they understand that you just can’t afford it?? Don’t sell your dress! That is absolutely ridiculous. I would entertain my parents insisting on some additional guests, but if they started going crazy to a point they we couldn’t afford it I would just plain out tell them no. They would just have to understand.
Post # 6
I’ve fought over and over, they keep saying they aren’t going to know anyone (I thought at a wedding you were supposed to get to know your in laws and meet people?!) and my own parents keep threatening to not attend the wedding! They keep saying it’s in the budget but I go back and try to remind them the cost of EVERYTHING multiplies when more people are added!
Post # 7
@Megan10513: Just let them pay the difference. Say you have X amount, this is what you’re spending it on, and they need to cover everyone that they add after that.
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
It;s time to put on your big girl panties and stand up to your parents. If you allow them to walk all over you now, they will continue to do so throughout your adult life ( and trust me, your future husband will not appreciate continued intrusions by your parents into your life and marriage). You need to defend your independence by giving back the money and slashing the list back to your original number or figuring out exactly how many people are paid for by their “chip in” amount and only allowing them that many extra guests. But you have to be firm here and set up healthy boundaries with your parents.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
Just please don’t sell your dress. I feel like if you told your mother that in order to provide these ppl to YOUR party you would have to sell your DRESS! THAT ISN’T FAIR!
Post # 11
Cut the guestlist. You can’t allow your parents to do this so it effects your dress. Tell them you can’t afford it and set a limit on how many people they invite.
Post # 12
@housebee: +2, and honestly, if they can’t grow up, I’d consider eloping. Weddings are not for going into debt. They won’t know anybody? Really? It’s not their day!! It’s not a party for them!! Scores of us have sat for hours at receptions where we DID NOT KNOW ANYONE. That’s what the alcohol is for; they will survive. Really!
Editing to add–I am frustrated on your behalf, and so sorry that they’re going apes–t on you like that. But do not sell your dress. You tried compromising, I echo eveyrone else that it’s time to lay down the law since it is your day.
Good luck and keep us posted!!
Post # 13
Do not sell your dress. That is something you would most definitely regret and hold against your parents. You can plan to resell it afterwards to get some money back though (and make another bride very happy!)
Maybe take all of your expenses to your parents on paper and show them where your budget stands now versus with all those extra people. They may need a visual reminder.
How many people do you really need to know at a wedding though???
Post # 15
Oh yeah, I know, we aren’t going into debt. We already have student loans to pay off so the last thing I want to do is spend a ton of money on a wedding. I actually did consider eloping but a lot has been done already because my fiancé and I have been engaged for 1.5 years. I’m not sure we’d get our money back for a lot of the things we paid for At this point.But gosh, I really do wish we would’ve just decided to elope… I think it’s more of there haven’t been any weddings family immediate family yet, and I’m the oldest child my family so my parents wan the entire world to. Be there, which mica nice thought but it’s not me nor is it within the budget.
at this point my parents excuses are extremely childish and I realize that, this is not new to me or m fiancé, Ive been treated like this for ever, like I’m not capable of doing anything that I’ve never done before although I’ve done so much with my life thus far. It’s been a battle with just all the criticism and those stupid remarks and what not, I’m just tired of it. I realize more and more that it really isn’t our day. I’m sick of being called selfish because I don’t want all my long lost relatives at my wedding and its basically come down to this because I’m just done!
im going to try my best to try and cut this list down, ill keep you guys updated. Thanks for the support!
Post # 16
I am so sorry. My fiance and I discussed in advance what to do if one side of the family wanted to “chip in” and get more invites. We both agreed it was highly unlikely that the chipping in would cover the venue, the centerpeice, the invites, etc. etc. You get it. The answer is I’m sorry, no.